Not Easy,
I would agree with what all the other ladies have said. We cannot all be lumped into one set of rules, guidelines, interests or expectations. If two people form a real connection, and that can happen as soon as a few hours or as long as several months, all rules go out the window. Yes, intimacy usually does change a relationship and is generally not viewed as casually by women as by men, but that is very individual as well.
I have been dating my bf for almost 9 months. I considered the first 4 months to be very casual, as we were both seeing other people at the same time (knowingly), we only went out once every couple of weeks and spoke on the phone occasionally. When we decided that we were "into" each other and wanted to be more serious, we obviously stopped seeing any other people, we spend as much time as possible together, and talk on the phone at least once a day. It was at that point that I considered us (and I have to believe he did as well) in a relationship.
After what I had been through with my xnh, I needed that casual time to get to know him better, develop a friendship, observe his behaviors without having an emotional attachment and get to a point of being able to trust him. For me, this was a very healthy way to reenter the dating world and work my way into having another serious relationship.
I agree with what the others have said about listening to what she tells you, be a gentleman, be yourself, and be kind. If the chemistry is there, the rest will fall into place.
Brigid