Depression

[Sallying Forth]

I started to have the symptoms of depression. I know them well because I have been depressed several times during this empty, sad, sick marriage. I am just beginning to see how sick and empty it has been. Anyway my symptoms of sadness were getting worse and worse so I went to the doctor. She started me antidepressants on Friday.

I am starting to notice changes already; sleeping 7-8 hours a night instead of 2-5, lessening of aches and pains, decreased headaches and backaches, and getting more things done and getting organized.

What hasn't changed yet; appetite - I've got zero appetite, neck pains, no interest in my exercise program - I really miss that, interest in other things in life, not isolating myself, sadness - though at least I am not crying for an hour straight, still fatigued and tired, and still having some concentration problems.

My doctor thought it was Seasonal Affect Disorder until I talked further about my marriage and what I planned to do. Then she agreed it was depression.

[CeeMee]

SF I am happy for your getting this depression addressed.  It takes a while to kick in completely but it sounds like it is already starting to work its magic.  It doesn't cure but it certainly helps. 

CeeMee

[Chicken]

Hi Sallying,
I am glad you went to your Doc, you are taking such good care of yourself these days, congratulations!
I think you will find you will have a little more peace now. 

Analysing things takes so much energy, it's so exhausting! 

Hopefully you can get that balance back into your life.  I guess you just need to go forward through this now.  It is a painful process but IT WILL PASS

Is there any way, you could get a four legged friend to help you through this?  It's not a replacement, you would never ever ever be able to do that, both you and Behr know that what you had was unique, but can you just have a little four legged lodger?  It would be company and a reason to go for a walk everyday and responsibility etc

What do you think about this?

[Marta]

SF,

You have been through a LOT in life. It is not suprising that you will experiecne the symptoms from time to time, especially around the holidays. Speaking for myself, I needed a sense of meaning an belief in goodness to not be depressed.

Remember, we are tehre for you........

Marta

[Brigid]

Sally,
If you are really concerned about your appetite situation, I would suggest the following:  When I finally got to the psychiatrist for meds after my xh left, I was down to 110 lbs. (I'm 5'6") and could not eat a thing.  I was living on 2 cans of Ensure a day and maybe a little soup.  I could not swallow anything else.  The psych put me on Zyprexa (anti-psychotic) in addition to starting me on Lexapro (AD).  The Zyprexa was prescribed strictly to get my appetite jump-started, and boy did it work.  Literally overnight I got my appetite back and started eating normally again.  It was a miracle for me at the time as I was so weak that I could barely function, but still needed to be able to drive my daughter to school daily and all other daily chores and we lived in the country at the time.  It also significantly improved my mood and diminished all the obsessing about the marriage break-up until the AD's could kick in.  I was off the Zyprexa within a couple of months, but it was such a Godsend at the time.

It does take awhile for those AD's to start working, so I hope they start to help you soon.

Brigid

[Sallying Forth]

Thanks for the suggestion Brigid. However I could stand to lose some weight!

Unlike lots of people medication works very fast on me. I don't understand why but maybe my digestive system is very functional? It couldn't be metabolism because that used to be so sluggish. And AD's work in your stomach because that is where most serotonin is made which makes sense why appetite is so affected with depression.

Usually I don't have the decreased appetite problem though so this is new to me. Everything tastes like cardboard. Last night was the first time something tasted half way normal.

[Hop as guest]

SF, I'm so sorry that's hit. It can't help that in addition to Behr and marriage grief (even a horrible marriage lost is a dream lost--saves your life to wake from it, but still very painful). It's like life-saving surgery. Recuperation can be horrible but oh what a better life you will be having once you weather it.

I have a question about meds. I'm thinking of ADs again too. Haven't used them for several years, but this job stuff plus the usual winter blues have made me start thinking about it. Mine's not as deep as yours, but I do know I'm mildy depressed.

Do you think it's okay to take ADs for mild depression, to keep it from getting worse? I already take occasional diazepam for panic symptoms, am dependent on Ambien for sleep, and take Neurontin every night for restless legs syndrome. Hate to feel like a walking pharmacy, but never feel I get clear answers from doctors about the mixing of medications.

Anyway, don't mean to hijack. Sending support to you for this passage, and I agree, you are jumping to help yourself at every single signpost, and that is really admirable. You have such determination to address your healing, and that points to where you're going.

I'm glad you're sharing your journey here, painful twists and turns and all.

About dogs...I watch a show here in the US that often shows fostering...people who temporarily adopt animals from a shelter that just need a few weeks of stability and affection before they can be put up for permanent adoption. These people always sound really happy about what they're doing, and seem comfortable about loving the animal and letting it go.

Just a thought, might not be the right moment for you though. I know how sensitive that timing is.
But you deserve furry hugs from somebody!! LOTS of them!

((((SF))))

Hopalong

[Healing&Hopeful]

Hiya SF

Sorry to hear about your depression.  There isn't much I can add here, but just wanted to let you know I admire your strength, and see it in your posts, especially with everything you are going through.  I admire that you recognise the symptoms and are in the process of doing something about it... I'm sure you will come out of the other side smiling.

Take care

Hugs

H&H xx

[Sallying Forth]

Do you think it's okay to take ADs for mild depression, to keep it from getting worse? I already take occasional diazepam for panic symptoms, am dependent on Ambien for sleep, and take Neurontin every night for restless legs syndrome. Hate to feel like a walking pharmacy, but never feel I get clear answers from doctors about the mixing of medications.

Anyway, don't mean to hijack. Sending support to you for this passage, and I agree, you are jumping to help yourself at every single signpost, and that is really admirable. You have such determination to address your healing, and that points to where you're going.

I don't feel you are hijacking!

From what I have read about depression it needs to be treated medically when your regular lifestyle is affected by the symptoms. Only you can answer that question. Not even a doc can do that.

When I lost all interest in my exercise and nutrition program I knew I needed to do something fast. Not eating is not good. And the exercise was helping to keep my low level depression in check for so long. However with the added death of Behr and then deciding to divorce my h the routine took a direct hit. I hope to return to it by the end of this week. But I wont push myself.

I have done enough research to realize that suffering from depression has the identical symptoms as overtraining. Therefore if I began my exercise program right now I would be adding more stress to my life not less. And I am dealing with an underlying medical condition - Fibromyalgia - which puts more stress on my immune system.

It has taken me a long time to learn to pace myself and accept my limitations and be kind to my body. Getting on the AD's was the most kind thing I could do for my body, mind and spirit.

With that said, would it be kind to your body to get on AD's? If so, then do it.

Oh BTW AD's help you sleep better and the better ones decrease anxiety. My doc discussed the many options with me. Some AD's actually increase anxiety. My old doc gave me one of those types and of course the result was increased anxiety and she co-prescribed an anti-anxiety med. Ridiculous! Some doctors! The one I'm on decreases anxiety and agitation. I have both.

[Hopalong as guest]

Thank you so much. That really does help. Good reminder about the Rx that can combat both--I have got both. I sometimes call it depxiety!

I think it does interfere...major distractibility, and I spent last wknd in bed except for a few hours. Flinging my clothes on the floor, no interest in picking them up. Don't want to answer the phone, type of thing.

Maybe if I got the right Rx I would need less of the anti-anxiety one and also might be able to back off the sleep Rx too. Hmmm...

Thanks much for the advice, I'm definitely giving it a thought. I do use a SAD light winter mornings, and last winter doing that with my morning cuppa tea was taking care of it. But I've noticed I also am exercising less, just feeling hammered. A lot of it's fatigue, but maybe a few months on the right AD would be a good idea around now.

Thanks again, SF.

And I hope you will get RICH from your yard sale.
(My first H was a major, obsessive packrat. I know how depressing clutter...your own or anybody's...is to the spirit. Exhausting. It just yanks your brain around. I dream of simple, near-empty spaces furnished with sunlight, plants and music, a few simple things...some art--the rest of the junk GONE! It will take a long time to sort through stuff, but it is one of the most satisfying winter activities for me. That's a good thought, now that you mention it. When the weather's awful I can spend a few hours every wknd packing stuff up to give away or sell. It feels so good to get RID of stuff.)

Stay kind to yourself. You are on your way to serenity. And marking the path for others too.

Hopalong

[Plucky]

Hi Sallying,
I'm sorry you feel depressed but I am so glad you recognised it right away and got help. 
I would argue that this is not a time to be losing weight, on top of everything.  You just want to make sure you get the right nutrition, to aid your body to support your mind and soul.  So don't ignore the appetite problem thinking that you have reserves, or something.

Maybe taking a multivitamin can help stimulate your appretite?   Also fresh air, are you getting enough?  Do you have a fave food you crave?  Eat it!

Hang in there.  You are steadily working this through and I am inspired by you.

Plucky

[Sallying Forth]

Thanks all for your encouragement. The medication is starting to work. Work! Work! Work! FASTER!!! Still a topsy-turvy sleep schedule but I did get 9 hours of sleep. Yes, count them NINE HOURS! Not straight though - hope that changes soon. It was split 4 and 5 hours, about 4 hours apart. Better than 4 hours of sleep or less which I was getting.


Last night I did a memorial service with those at Rainbow Bridge. I said a prayer and lit a candle for Behr. I cried and did some more letting go. And talked with others how we missed our special friends and what they shared with us. That really helped a lot.

And I met two other survivors of abusive marriages whose dogs had died or were dying. Then a third showed up and we all knew why we were there together. The fourth person had witnessed a horrible, tragic and brutal death of her beloved dog by another dog. The woman was plaqued by flashbacks. I told her what that means and to get help. We all made her promise to go to counseling. I told her it gets worse without treatment and that it was serious.


Talk about a God orchestrated meeting! Amazing. And I was going to leave early from the group to watch a movie. God had other plans.

[Chicken]

Footprints in the sand


One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.


Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.


When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.


He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.


He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.


This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:


"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:


"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

Hi Sallying, I thought of this when I read your post, you have probably heard it before, but it's worth posting again anyhow!
You are getting what you need right now, and with that you are being sent support to withstand it.

You are an inspiration.  You are a strong woman.  You have the courage and you will prevail. 

Wishing you continued strength and courage.
xx

 

[Sallying Forth]

Called my doc to get my meds increased and got the go ahead. Thank goodness. At least tonight I should be able to go to sleep at a normal hour instead of 6 AM!!!!!!!!!!!! Ack!

I want to exercise. I think I will today even though I am not sleeping well. I need it. A leisurely cycle session rather than the usual.

It feels so good to exercise.