Hello, Lost Survivor and all!
I am new to this forum, but have just begun divorce proceedings with my N. We seperated, (for the second time), this Oct. 15th after I found text messages between him and one of my oldest friends. They were professing their love for one another, plans for leaving their spouses,etc. I was devastated and at that time still did not realize he was a N, and thought he'd simply fallen for my "friend". Turns out that was only the straw that broke the camels back. I began going through cell phone records, e-mails, his personal belongings and the like. What I found was the last eight years were built upon a series of lies. He had told everyone that he was a Navy Seal and had a "top secret" clearance status, but I stumbled across his actual discharge papers which he'd kept hidden from me in a file with numerous other little suprises. I was shocked to learn he'd been discharged for psychological reasons, namely Personality Disorder. He'd gone AWOL and had convinced a friend to run over his leg twice in hopes of breaking it, all in effort to avoid going back to active duty. He was admitted to Bethesda Maryland Naval Hospital's psyche ward prior to his diagnosis. He was married at the time and for the lasst eight years swore to me the kids were hers with someone else. In actuality he has two biological children, both in their teens now, and his former wife had moved herself and the kids to Nevada to get away from him.
He also kept the computer "locked up" and told me we had a virus in it, but I have since learned that he was e-mailing various women, most of them being those he'd "met" on the internet chat or sex rooms. He met with some of them for casual sex romps, all the while telling me he had to work or was going to see his family. We never had a joint bank account, if I ever "borrowed" money from him I had to pay it back, I had to "buy" my 1994 Jeep Cherokee from him in order to drive it, I was blocked from making changes on our direct tv account, he had web cams I wasn't aware of, owned a porn site he was making money on, is buying himself an Avalanche I was not allowed to drive, paid only rent while I paid all utilities, phone, tv, etc., had several e-mail accounts I was unaware of, told my daughters to go to their rooms while he e-mailed women,(I was going to evening college courses), would not allow us to let our cats in the house, (but his dogs were always allowed in) and eventually every cat we ever had "disappeared" or became ill and died whenever he was home for extended periods of time.
He is a chronic and pathological liar, even lying about trivial things, like how much the bbq grill cost and the laptop, etc. My oldest daughter went through a strange transition during the last few weeks he was still with us, and I wonder about abuse. We are all in counseling and Monday I meet with my divorce attorney for the first time. He just recently filed a motion to retrieve property against me in an attempt to take the Jeep, eventhough I have the title and bill of sale. He may be in legal trouble for that. There is a restraining order against him after a domestic violence incident a couple weeks after he'd gone, and he violated it recently and spent the weekend in jail. The week after he filed the motion to recover, (this week), he called the police department here and asked them to contact me for my permission for him to buy my daughters new bikes for Xmas. I am struggling to make ends meet, he offers only grief, then suddenly he wants to be superdad coming in with super Xmas presents. I said no, and the dispatcher relayed the message to him. He told me one day he will make my daughters hate me. He is not their biological dad, but is the only dad they've ever known and they love him. I also learned he is pretty into the methamphetamine scene. He is just a total psycho, and the signs were always there, getting stronger all the time, and I ignored it. I ignored his lies, infidelity,self-centeredness, and control issues.
Eight years! We split for a time prior to this, yet I took him back! Man! I am so disappointed in it all. I am so dead inside. I feel like a shell of my former self. So empty. Sometimes it just doesn't seem real. I should have started checking into his secrets long ago. Why did I take his word for anything?
He has slandered my name anywhere and to anyone he can. He has tried to blame it all on me, and he has been doing this, bad-mouthing me behind my back, for quite a long time. I hate him. He left town after his second arrest, and that helps some, but he'll be back and forth for court. He is the most despicable human being I have ever known.
Now that I have finally started cutting him out of our lives he seems to be trying everything possible to get in the last jab. He just won't fade away. I wish I had never met him.
