Feeling bad for one my N's.

[seasons]

del

[Sela]

Hi Seasons:

That is sad.  It's sad that she has to suffer the loss of a tooth and sad that she won't accept that going to a dentist is the only way to fix it and sad that she will have to live without a front tooth.

It's good of you to feel for her and her loss.  I felt like that for my aunt, who lost her daughter and kept saying:  "who is going to look after me?".  That was her real loss.  The loss of someone to look after her.   I felt sad for her and helpless too and.......

a little angry...maybe more than a little.

What about her daughter?  Dying at such a young age?  Not having a chance to live to a ripe old age?  How sad is that?
What about her daughter's children.......my aunt's grandchildren?  They have no mother now.

No mother to enjoy sharing with.  No mother to come to their weddings/to grandmother their children/to be there for them.......at special times and every day times.

I felt very sorry for my aunt and also angry that she can only think of herself.  But ofcourse.....she cannnn only think of herself.......so why am I expecting her to do anything otherwise???

Anyhow....Seasons.  Your big heart seems obvious.  You feel pain for your sister and you wish to help.  But..just like my aunt......there is no way to actually change the way your sister thinks.

It is sad.  Very sad.  And it feels awful to not be able to make things better.  So sorry for all of that.

Glad you posted and expressed your feelings.  ((((((((((((Seasons)))))))))))))

Sela

[Healing&Hopeful]

(((((((((Seasons)))))))))

Here's a hug for you.... You are not bad or helpless.  Unfortunately you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped... pants but true.  You have been helpful by ringing her and listening to her.... helpful, and not bad.

H&H xx

[Hopalong]

Seasons,
You are a kind and loving heart.
But maybe you need to not let her pain become yours.

I read something about the difference between empathy and sympathy that startled me...
it said empathy is actuallly NOT good for people, because it means that you've dissolved your own sense of self and taken on another person's pain as your own, which disables you too. But deep sympathy is good, and real, it's a feeling of caring and understanding that you can extend to someone else who's in pain, WITHOUT taking in their pain so deeply that you experience it as your own pain...which would mean you've lost track of yourself.

Anybody else ever hear of that distinction?

Anyway, Seasons--if that concept makes sense, I extend sympathy for your empathy which I hope turns back to sympathy...

And if that concept's wrong or confused, I'm just plain SORRY.
It's sad!
(And ditto, you're not bad. You did care and you showed it.)

((((Seasons)))))

Hopalong

[Plucky]

Hi Seasons,
I'm sorry for your sis.  I have dentist fear also!
I would like to point out the obvious.  That you made the right decision not to phone back that night. Especially since there is nothing you could have or can do about it.  You can pat yourself on the back for that good decision.
Remember to use the same thought process when deciding whether to offer financial help.
Plucky