Plucky,
I still like you. No, I like you even more as time goes by. You are a gem:
I am so close to me - it's important that I like me! I'm always here! I hear everything I think! I know me better than anyone! So my opinion is more important ...
Selkie,
Maybe you could reframe part of it?
I can't live with the assertive me who has a mind of her own. I just want to be myself and be liked.
The assertive thinking you IS "myself"--one of your layers. I miss the good old consciousness-raising sessions we had in the late 60s early 70s. Ever heard of assertiveness training? I don't know if it exists anymore, but it was wonderful workshops where people would role play how to speak their own minds: with assertion, without aggression. Like giving us voice but not foghorns.
Anyway, part B: Selkie I reallly like you. I sometimes intuit off-base here, but I think of you as a: VERY smart, distinct, highly talented, expressive and eccentric artist. Sometimes prickly and always honest. A little raw and a whole LOT intelligent. I would like very much to know you and I think people who get the ftf chance to are lucky. I think if I met you I'd find you laughing more than you feel like laughing sometimes, but I'd also think, oh that's transient and I know what it's like. I wonder (if I'm not off contructing some wildly inaccurate fantasy of who you are anyway, do correct me I like knowing!) -- I also wonder if I'd find you very quiet most of the time, until you are annoyed.
I think maybe you just need practice. Literal practice talking about what you feel and think in a regular way. I still think of a group therapy or support group process when I think of you. Dunno why, just do.
Meanwhile, liking away...((((Selkie)))
Hopalong
