Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?
Attitude of Abundance (vs. Scarcity Mentality)
Acappella:
Hello all you abundant posters!
A while ago there was a post (begun by Rosencrantz?) about shame. In that thread too I believe October mentioned a connection between shame and a sense of scarcity or something related. And Richard Grossman added to the mix also. As if shame is a social triage for what are perceived to be the limited resources of acceptance, interdependency, social connection etc.
I realized a decade or so ago that I have a scarcity mentality and since then I have made some progress towards sensing the abundance that exists too. I believe I still have a strong scarcity mentality when it comes to the world of work and I am not pursuing my career fully as a result.
Does anyone here have a sense of abundance or something that you do or have experienced others do to increase that feeling in yourself and/or the world at large?
One thing I do is focus on living in the moment which isn't effective if I am looking to plan out something however works well for my gaining a sense of abundance. When I am focused in the moment I do not feel a scarcity of time. There are too many moments in a life time to count and when standing smack dab in the middle of one it is all I am experiencing - that one in a bazillion. When engaged with my senses like eating flavorful food slowly or smelling flowers I have a sense of abundance.
Posting here and reading what others contribute I have a greater sense of abundance about human resources as individuals and as a community. I have heard "ya got to kiss a lot of frogs" and "its a numbers game" or "the glass is half full" but there is nothing like being a drop of water in the ocean to give me a real sense that the glass either half empty or full has a vast source for replentishment ...sometimes perhaps abundance comes one little ole drop at a time. Chapstick anyone?
There is no shortage of internet ink so post on!
seeker:
Hi Acappella,
I always benefit from reading your posts. I wish I had seen that thread you are referring to. I think my scarcity mentality stems from neglect. I was constantly told I didn't need things (like clothes that fit). A breakthrough in my therapy came when I realized during a very dark moment that one of my internal tapes was "don't think less of me because I need something." Yikes.
I'm not sure my reply will be right on the mark, but here goes:
1. When I think about abundance I usually am thinking about finances. I read somewhere to think about that in terms of "flow" and "circulation" instead of accumulation. I also have a small bowl to put coins in. Many people do this of course but it's a great visual reminder that one attracts money as well as lets it go...it also reminds me to be thankful for what comes my way, however big or small.
The centuries old poem, Desiradata, is also wonderful. It has a line in it about if you compare yourself with others you may drive yourself crazy. There are always people with more or less than you.
2. I also think about things that cannot be taken away. Things like intelligence, insight, the love I have already experienced, etc. all assets that are a part of me. [the N in my life was a compulsive "borrower" ie. she took things from us and didn't return them--but don't get me started. At one point I said out loud she can take it ALL and we will still have something she doesn't: love and caring for other people. No things can fill that hole in her soul.
3. I also try to look at the positive side of different attributes. Stubborn or determined? Lonely or alone? difficult or challenging? undisciplined or free-spirited? well, this isn't really abundance, but kinda related to that intangible asset stuff.
4. When I want to "shrink" my problems, I visualize a picture of the universe in my head and earth really far off in the distance. I think, these problems are just specks in the universe. :!: Caution: don't use this when you're feeling insignificant :D
5. Lastly, I think about the sunshine. It shares its light equally with all of us, no playing favorites! Cheers, S.
CHICKSQUIP:
Hi,
http://www.recovery.org/aa/aa-related/shame.html
This article contains sensible information on the subject of shame.
Chicksquip
Portia:
Thanks for this Chicksquip. I particularly identified with this:
--- Quote ---"The family's implicit rule becomes not to talk about painful life
experiences of all kinds," said Dr. Mason. "The sense of shame leads them to become emotionally controlled and to set demanding standards for themselves."
--- End quote ---
and I found this below supports my own view, that those who do not laugh at themselves are not the type of people I can be around.
--- Quote ---BEST ANTIDOTE FOR SHAME
The single most effective antidote to shame, some studies suggest, is a person's laughter at himself -- an observation made by Freud. In research by Suzanne Retzinger, a student of Dr. Scheff, those people who were able to laugh at their own accounts of feeling humiliated and resentful had an immediate drop in their feelings of shame. But shame persisted in those people who were unable to laugh at themselves. The study was published in a recent issue of Psychoanalytic Psychology.
Feelings of shame can also be alleviated, according to Dr. Scheff, if the person can admit them openly to others, and feels respected instead of judged by them.
--- End quote ---
It says those people “who were able to laugh”, indicating that for some it is not a choice, but a condition i.e. those who were “unable”. I’m interested in the research about neural connections not made at early age leading to a life-long inability to experience certain thoughts and feelings e.g. empathy. If anyone has recent info on this research, I’d appreciate it.
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: Portia ---I’m interested in the research about neural connections not made at early age leading to a life-long inability to experience certain thoughts and feelings e.g. empathy. If anyone has recent info on this research, I’d appreciate it.
--- End quote ---
I'm only on p. 61 but this looks applicable:
Psychotherapy for Borderline personality Disorder: Mentalization-Based Treatment by Anthony Bateman and Peter Fonagy. Oxford University Press, 2004.[/u]
bunny
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