Hey Bean,
For me, having a T I can trust has been a safe place.
I didn't feel safe with my brother or mother and chose Nmen for years.
Having an hour a week where someone cared and didn't exploit or harm
was healing in itself. Sometimes I call them "renta-friends." Sounds pathetic,
but it wasn't...I really did need to be heard that patiently for years and years
before my anxiety disorder got under control.
I had one toxic therapist who had a hidden religous agenda, who pushed
me toward marriage because he was uncomfortable with my being single and
sexual. I will never forgot going to him and saying, J-- is pressuring me like
crazy to set a date, and though I love him and all, something inside me is
telling me I need more time. What do you think I should do? He said oh I
think you should set the date and get all that worrying behind you. I was
too weak to trust my own intuition, so I did, and the marriage was a disaster,
beginning with abuse on my wedding night. (Good Ts never, ever tell you
what to do with major life decisions. They guide you toward making the
right decision for yourself.)
But with that one exception, every therapist I've ever seen (off and on
since my 20s, depending what was going on in my life) has been a healer
and a help. The T I see now is simply kind, decent, smart and caring. No
fake posturing, just a competent and sincere desire to help. I might see
him for 6 months or a year, and then take a year off. It's good he's there.
Just rambling on the whole T thing.
I understand the desire to independently solve our own problems,
but I was too riddled with panic disorder to be able to do so. I'm grateful.
I guess in another time I would've been parked outside the shaman's hut
all day long and they probably would've made me go live in the forest.
Hopalong
