Insomnia

[write]

during all my traumas, trials, tribulations ( if they're not the same as trials ) and tempestuous times...
ok I know, enough alliteration already!
Well during all that trouble- I slept most nights ( ~~~~eventually when really manic )  and frequently all day as well.

Now, when I everything is relatively peaceful and under control I just can't seem to sleep in a regular ordinary daily rhythmn.
If I get three or four hours uninterrupted sleep it's a good night.

Even with the mild anti-anxiety drugs I still don't seem to want or need to sleep more than that.
But I'm not particularly manic. Or anxious.

Except I am beginning to be creepily aware of being calm, in control and happy for the first time in forty years ( I burst into floods of tears explaining this to the therapist yesterday )

What is going on with me????

[pennyplant]

Once the burdens start to lift from you, maybe it takes awhile to find your natural rhythm or balance.  If you've never spent much time being your natural or true self, once it starts to emerge it's going to feel strange.  It's a new somebody you have to get to know.  Be patient with yourself.  Discover yourself.

Pennyplant

[Brigid]

write,
I have battled insomnia for a good part of my life and have had prescription sleep meds for years.  The one thing I know is that the older I get, the worse the insomnia gets.  As we lose our natural hormones, our body reacts with sleeplessness (along with a lot of other crappy side effects).  I have some friends who have gone through menopause with no affects on their ability to sleep, but that is not the norm.

I will say also, that through my depression and anxiety of the separation and divorce, I needed sleep meds in addition to the AD's to sleep at all.  Now that my life is on an even keel for the most part, I still need those sleep meds virtually every night.  When I try to get by without one, I end up regretting it and only sleeping very sporatically through the night and exhausted the next day.  I have given up the fight and just take them to maintain my sanity.  The only thing I will not allow, is an increase to the amount I am taking, even though they have lost some of their affect over the years.

I am so envious of those who can lay down and fall asleep.  Not anything I have ever been able to do.

Brigid

[Portia]

creepily aware of being calm, in control and happy for the first time in forty years ( I burst into floods of tears explaining this to the therapist yesterday )

What is going on with me????

Is it possible you’re getting to really like yourself? And that’s pretty amazing and overwhelming?

Does it feel mostly bad, mostly good…… or is it simply shocking to find that it’s a new feeling?

If it doesn’t feel bad…..((((write)))) fantastic

[write]

Thanks.

Actually- I'm sick! The boy too.
Some kind of cold virus.
I've been ill a lot the last three months following flu at the end of November.
Living with Bipolar means having weird responses when the immune system goes down.

I spent most of the day cleaning up the house, how does the clutter accumulate so quickly??????????

[Hopalong]

Hey Write,
Here's a steaming bowl of my virus-zapping Garlic Soup!
So sorry you feel crummy...but I too can see your tears as a sign of your personal spring coming, like the earth is cracking open to let a lovely green shoot come out...

Here's to you being well and falling in love with yourself.

Hops

[mum]

Don't mean to get too personal...( ) but my sleep patterns were impacted by menopause.  Is that possible?
Then again, I have been under life altering stress for nearly 4 years now, so who the heck knows what normal is?
I have always fallen asleep easily, but the middle of the night waking seems to be worse if I am stressed a lot.
Caffiene, food, exercise ( or lack of) all seem to affect it. I have found stretching (not heavy aerobic) exercise close to bedtime and relaxing music and visualizations all have helped me a lot in the past.

[Hopalong]

BOINGGGG!
Around 3 or 4 in the morning lately I've been waking BOLT awake, jaw aching (I know it's grinding...job worries working overtime).
It's a symptom of depression too.
And my restless legs syndrome.
And too many Rx.

Iggghhh.
I so miss the sweet deep sleep of youth.

But...it is a deep quiet, middle of the night. Something nice about that.

Hops

[write]

5.30 am- here I am again!

Yes, menopause is probably not too distant.

It IS nice though being awake when everyone else is asleep! Good morning world....