Part 2 of Am I living with an N
First of all THANK GOD I found this board and ppl like you all. Thank you so much for your response. Makes me feel not so much alone. Times are very trying right now and you all help me feel grounded.
In response to Hopalong and Brigid I can’t be sure but I would put money that my h is most def a N. I did some deep feeling and thinking and went over my last 13 years. Oh boy is that hard.
In the first post(Am I living with a N) I gave you some insight on what my life began as with him. I didn’t want the post to be so long and trust me it would have been easier to have it on ABC as a mini series. You all could watch it and then send your responses to this board so I wouldn‘t have to type for the next 10 years. I would title it for those who remember, Knotts Landing- Nuts Landing. Sorry but humor is somehow helping me even though there is nothing funny about this. Anyway, he continued to have his traits, episodes, I don’t know what you call them. My life was manageable though, controlling the finances. That was my main focus I had to protect my families well-being and in the long run it protected him from himself. Everything else he controlled ( meaning, his crazy way of thinking),his thinking he is more intelligent then most or maybe all. His lack of empathy, Yes he has no empathy unless it counts when it’s about him and only applies it to him. He is a compulsive liar yet he did not lie. You are not lying when the other person (Me) finds out it’s a bold face lie cause it’s in Black and White sitting in front of my eyes. He looks at it and says oh yes I did that so how can I be lying see I’m telling the truth( after it’s already done and nothing you can do to fix it). There are rules in everything you do in life and you always have to answer to someone. He totally agrees!!!!! But the rules are different for HIM!!!!! I don’t’ under stand his way of thinking CAUSE I LIVE ON A DIFFERENT PLANET THEN HIM. Try and have a deep conversation (rational one) with him and I get so lost I don’t even remember what I was talking about in the first place.I am sorry I am ranting…..I am a little post traumatic today. I went back to 13 years ago. He always worked and is a very hard worker. He took nothing for himself. He had a very good job with a very good income and lost it due to down sizing. He did get another job but not as much money. So money became tight (real tight). I let our credit go. Had no choice. Essentials come first. Roof, heat, ect. Everything just to keep us alive. He has been going to his Mom who I suspect fell right into his N ways. Thank God for her she helped like no other one would. Yet I had guilt and shame and felt really bad. He felt that is her duty she is his mom and family take care of family. She’s drained of her funds now and he has been cut off. He slacked getting a pt job to supplement his full- time one till we could get back on our feet. There was always an excuse to why he couldn’t get a pt job. What it really came down to is the jobs that fit his schedule was not up to his expectations . . Due to my younger son being sick as a baby with chronic ear infections he could not attend Nursery School. He out grew them in first grade but now had a learning disability. We thought that maybe it was from the ear infections but medical was ruled out. He has a reading disability. He is dyslexic. . I went back to work pt . My son was my main focus. He is now in 5th grade and he is no longer in the IEP program. I’m so proud of him. He worked so hard for this. Still struggles but he’s a tuff little kid. My H’s car died and he took mine. He makes the most money. My job wouldn’t have paid the bills so I had to give it up since we were already struggling for money and had no cash to buy another car at the moment.
Anyway, this week there are two checks showing on my checking account that were taken out of the check book in the middle so I wouldn’t know they were missing. Oh god! . My managing the money has been ended. He has some really out there ways of thinking and I could tolerate that. But the finances? He will destroy us now that he was interfering with what gets paid but not telling me he wrote checks. I am always upfront and make him well aware of what is being paid and what is left. He sneakily took the two checks out. One went through which really screwed me with what is left for food, gas ect. Today the other one showed up on my account. I was able to find out before it posted and put a stop pay on the check and closed the checking acct because his name is on the account and I cannot have checks bouncing that I cannot cover. He walked through the door as I was looking at my acct and said I called the bank and was trying to stop pay that. I only gave it to them to buy me more time and didn’t’ know they would put it through. Totally went right over the fact that he deceived me and when I pushed the point told me it was his money anyway. Not that it matters now that there is only $44 dollars in the bank account and his gas money and the families food money are gone. He also told me he called a therapist. The therapist did call our house. He told her he thinks he is an N and this is destroying his life and his family. This is def worthwhile of an Academy Award. He carried on how he wants help cause he does loves us . I’m not buying it and he knows it. He is scared. He has one foot out the door with my foot helping him from behind. He has burnt all his bridges with everyone and has no where to go. I had went into the bedroom to get a mental health break. When I came out he told me that on next Thurs he would move out. Isn’t this the man who was so in love and needed therapy only 15mins before. I just looked at him. He said he would give me 530$ every two weeks. All sounds good except he is leaving me with a MESS and no job. Oh lets not forget he’s leaving me with the Jeep and a 454$ car payment but that will come out of the money he gives me. Now don’t get me wrong that’s a nice chunk of support. He is DREAMING!!!!! There is no-way he will be able to pay this and support himself in an apt along with basic living needs. I said how are you going to now pay me over 1,000$ a month and 770$ for your apt. He corrected me with a smile and replied, it’s actually not 770$ it’s 800 $ and has a fireplace and boy will I be living it up as a bachelor. I broke into tears from pure exhaustion and very afraid knowing I’m on my own with no job, no money and left with a huge mess to clean up. He has seen me on here searching for all the support and knowledge I can get my hands on. I don’t fit in his world any more. I have exposed him. He is moving in all the steps that a N will take. Even to the point that he can convince himself that it is in my best interest cause I’m suffering. (BULL) IT’S BECAUSE HE’S BEEN FOUND OUT and others know. I cannot and will not be manipulated. I don’t know if my head spun or my karma turned so black that , I saw the fear of God in his eyes. I looked him in his eyes and said NO you will not be leaving next Thurs , YOU will not be leaving me with this mess you created. I will pick up your pay and make sure it gets to the bank without you being on the account. You will pay these bills, You will get a second job. When I am on my feet and the mess is cleared up then I will tell you when you are leaving. You don't want to mess with me now I've been living in Hell and I'm about to unleash it on you. You may be able to take some things that I am not in control of but you CANNOT TAKE MY SELF ESTEEM AND DIGNITY. He said ok it’s up to you if you want to work on our relationship, I do , I will go for therapy. I’m going to bed now. This man is nuts. You know what, I don’t care anymore. I want to work on me. I don’t have a relationship.
I am currently working on moving for a degree. I have skills, rusty, but skilled. I want to be able to protect my family and that means empowering myself. I need to be able to support myself without depending on anyone. It’s going to be a rough road but one I’m ready to explore cause I don’t like the one I’ve been traveling.
Thanks so much for letting me rant. I feel better.
P.S. Back to Reality, The demands I made on him probably won’t turn out that way but it sure as hell felt good saying and I am preparing myself for the worst and hope for the best. Hugs to all!!
