* I have experienced pretty much all of the following in my life, so when it comes to this topic, I almost consider myself one of the "experts" in it. Not to sound vain, but I have actually counselled people and am counseling a person who was in a npd abuse situation, as well as pulling myself up from the effects of it...well the Lord pulled me up from it with my yielding and cooperation and research. Currently I maintain relationships with people that have personality disorders too. I find them fascinating folks to be around, but I know better than to think they can supply me with anything that remotely resembles meeting my emotional needs.
Subject: REVIEW DAY: The NPD: Complete Paper by dr. Marie Hsia Chang
NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER
Dr. Maria Hsia Chang, Professor, Political Science, University of Nevada
In psychology, personality disorders refer to individual traits that
reflect ingrained, inflexible, and maladaptive patterns of behavior
that cause discomfort and impair a person's ability to
function--including her relations with friends and family. At least
ten distinct personality disorders have been identified, one of which
is the narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) that the American
Psychological Association (APA) classifies as a "cluster B" disorder.
NPD is a highly complex psychological-behavioral syndrome that
confounds and baffles those close to the afflicted. Once understood,
however, one achieves clarity of vision.
Socio-biologists maintain that narcissism is natural for both
individuals and groups because self-love is an instinctive,
natural-selection trait. That is why all children are narcissists. As
individuals mature into adulthood, however, they become less
narcissistic because their insecurity tends to diminish as a result of
concrete achievements and successes. A certain degree of healthy
self-love nevertheless continues into adulthood. It is when narcissism
in adults is excessive that psychologists consider it to be a sign of
immaturity or worse, a pathology--that of narcissistic personality
disorder.
Although the phenomenon of excessive narcissism is as old as humanity,
the formal diagnosis of NPD was made by the APA only as recently as 1990.
I've compiled the following, after having read, assimilated, and
synthesized a great deal of the literature on this subject. Instead of
the typical approach taken by the psychological literature on
NPD--which describes the disorder as a syndrome of various
attributes--what I attempt to do here is to uncover the central logic
that accounts for the syndrome. In the following description of the
NPD syndrome, I use the pronoun "she" to refer to the narcissist, for
the sake of avoiding the cumbersome "he/she" and " his/her."
Some psychological literature, claims that male NPDs outnumber
females. The literature also claims that the incidence of NPD is
relatively rare, afflicting an estimated 1% of the population. Both of
these claims, however, are not verified by my own personal
experiences. The problem, as the psychological literature itself
admits, is that the very nature of NPD prevents narcissists fromadmitting
they have a problem and to seek professional help. As
psychiatrist M. Scott Peck explains: "To receive treatment one must
want it, at least on some level. And to want it one must consider
oneself to be in need of it. One must, at least on some level,
acknowledge his or her imperfection." The few narcissists who do seek
therapy, do so when their narcissism has led to a major life crisis,
such as divorce, drug addiction, unemployment, and imprisonment. Even
when NPDs seek counseling, they typically do not complete the course
of psychotherapy. Instead, when the therapist confronts them with
their pathological narcissism, the NPD would simply abandon treatment
and flee. Given this, I have every reason to conclude that the
statistics claimed in the literature are suspect. The simple truth, I
believe, is that psychologists don't really know how many NPDs there
are in the population, nor do they really know that male NPDs
outnumber females.
The NPD Syndrome
At the core of the NPD syndrome is the construction of a false self as
a way to cope with the external world by compensating for the
individual's feelings of insecurity and uncertainty of identity.. Like
its namesake, the mythic Narcissus who is in love with his reflection
in water, the self that the narcissist loves is not her real self, but
a false self that is grandiose, perfect, and superior. The particular
basis of the grandiosity is what the narcissist loves herself for.
That varies according to the individual, and may be physical beauty,
intellect, talent, power, etc. As a consequence, psychologists divide
narcissists into two types: the somatic and the cerebral. The former
are those whose narcissism is focused on their bodies; the latter are
those who have a grandiose conception that they have a superior intellect.
I would add a third type: the spiritual narcissist. These are those
who ooze with false piety, having a false conception of themselves as
supremely virtuous.
Regardless of the particular basis of grandiosity, the narcissist
strives to maintain and protect that false self at all costs. In
effect, the grandiose false self acts like the center of a wheel, to
which are affixed the spokes. The latter are the syndromatic
attributes of NPD, which function to protect and maintain the
grandiose false self. The constellation of attributes is not
accidental because there is a functional reason for the various
attributes. This is the underlying logic that accounts for the syndrome.
Together with the APA's DSM IV criteria, those "spokes" may constitutea
particularly malignant form of narcissism.
They include the following attributes
Using people—even supposed loved ones—as tools of self-aggrandisement
to affirm and maintain the false self. The narcissist is hollow inside
and derives her sense-of-self from seeing her reflection in the eyes
of others. The psychological literature calls this "mirroring": the
narcissist mainly uses other people as a mirror to reflect her
grandiose self-conception. Like a vampire who must feed on others'
blood in order to live, the narcissist feeds on other people's love,
approval, admiration, and compliments. Once the source is sucked dry,
the narcissist no longer has use of that person and will abruptly and
mercilessly cast him/her aside.
To lure people into her web, the successful narcissist puts on an
attractive social mask. She can be charming, gracious, socially adept,
even obsequious. She must also be a consummate actor, skilled at
simulating the whole range of human emotions, especially those of
love, compassion, and kindness. The more successful she is at
simulation, the greater her circle of friends and acquaintances who
function as her primary and secondary feeding sources.
More than to lure people into her web, the narcissist's charming
social mask also conceals the false self from scrutiny. Concealment
requires secrecy, evasion, dishonesty, and lying. In effect, the
narcissist is a consummate pathological liar, i.e., she habitually
lieseven about seemingly trivial, inconsequential matters.
Using other people as her "bloodbank" requires that the narcissist be
a human emotional radar. The successful narcissist is psychologically
astute and shrewd so that she can "size up" everyone she encounters
for their potential to be her blood-donor.
Cynically using other people also requires that the narcissist be
lacking in empathy. Do not be fooled by her simulations at empathy. A
good experiment is for you to withhold your approval and compliments.
You will discover that, overnight, the narcissist has lost her
kindness and even simple civility.
The maintenance and protection of the false self also requires the
narcissist to be constantly vigilant against being "attacked" by
others. This is why the narcissist overreacts with rage and
humiliation to any perceived criticism, no matter how minor or trivial
the perceived criticism.
As the saying goes, "the best defense is offense." More than reacting
with rage to criticisms, the narcissist attacks the critic. This is
called scapegoating--projecting one's own faults (what Carl Jung
called our "shadow") onto another person, and blaming the other for
the narcissist's own inadequacies. The narcissist is very skilled at this.
The false self must be impervious, which requires the narcissist to
resist self-examination and introspection. Doing so would open the
narcissist to reality-based assessment--a dangerous undertaking
because the false self is, by definition, unreal. As a consequence,
instead of the insecurities of normal human beings, the narcissist
exhibits an impassive and uncritical acceptance of herself.
The inability or unwillingness to be introspective, in turn, results
in cognitive dissonance, cognitive gaps, and non sequiturs. Trying to
engage a narcissist in serious dialogue--especially about herself or
her beliefs and values--can be a disconcerting experience because
nothing she says makes sense.
Since the false self is superior and grandiose, it needs no one. The
narcissist dreads becoming dependent on others, but asserts and clings
to an exaggerated independence. Since her love of herself is
all-consuming, she is incapable of love and emotional commitments to
other people. This is why the narcissist reacts to sincere
declarations of love (verbal or in the form of behavior, such as
significant gifts) by emotionally distancing herself and, in some
cases, outright abandonment--because she is unable to reciprocate that
commitment..
In effect, the narcissist's grandiose self-conception makes her a god
unto herself. Gods are not subject to the morality that governs lesser
beings--"rules don't apply to me." The narcissist refuses to subscribe
to society's moral rules and ethical standards. Instead, morality is
subjective: "Nobody can judge me." One NPD I know exhibited this trait
when she blithely received the Holy Eucharist (believed by Catholics
to be the actual body of Christ) in Mass--although she is not
Catholic. Another NPD, a former student of mine, responded with rage
to my critique of his essay-exam, which garnered a respectable "B"
grade, insisting that he was not subject to the grammatical rules of
the English language.
Lacking an abstract universal system of moral codes--and being
cognitively impaired--the narcissist lives in a world of feelings and
sensations: "What's good is that which makes me feel good."Narcissists tend
to wallow in cheap "feel good" sentiments. • Since
the false self is grandiose and perfect, relationship problems are
never the fault of the narcissist. She blames everyone, but herself.
This also means that narcissists do not ever apologize or admit that
they are wrong or at fault. Instead, they will always subtly, if not
blatantly, turn things around to blame you.
All of this means that narcissists do not, as a rule, seek therapy. In
the few cases that do, it is because their problems have become so
serious that they cannot be ignored (e.g., divorce, drug abuse, job
loss, imprisonment). Even then, the narcissist resists therapy and is
likely to blame the therapist (scapegoating!) and flee from treatment.
*** How to Deal With a Narcissist
The first rule is: Give up on your fantasy that you have an authentic
relationship with the narcissist. Sadly, the person you think you
love/like never existed.
The second rule is: Don't be a bloodbank for the narcissist.
The third rule is: Be emotionally detached.
The fourth rule is: If you must interact with her, challenge the
narcissist's false conceptions of herself by insisting on
reality-based assessment. Doing so, however, is guaranteed to alienate
you from the narcissist--which is a good thing because the narcissist
is incapable of genuine friendship and love. In the last analysis, you
are better off without the narcissist.
If, unfortunately, you must have her in your life because your
survival depends on her, as in the case of a child needing the
narcissistic mother's care, the way to get along with her is to feed
her fantasies by lavishing compliments on her, i.e., by letting
yourself be her bloodbank.
Pathological Narcissism is a Spiritual Disorder
A fifth-century theologian who called himself Dionysius the
Aereopagite once wrote in The Divine Names that, "The denial of the
true Self is a declension from Truth."iiIn the last analysis, in
constructing and clinging to their false selves, the entire persona of
the NPD is a big lie. That being so, I have come to believe that NPD
is not a psychological disorder at all, but a moral and spiritual
disorder. Allow me to explain. An intrinsic attribute of the NPDsyndrome is
deception--of oneself and of others--in the service of
maintaining the grandiose false self. Philosopher René Descartes wrote
that "willful deception evinces maliciousness and weakness."iiiA
person does not deceive without thinking about and willing it. One
does not lie unless one intends to hide the truth, which means that
one knows that one is being deceptive. Nor can the NPD put together
and maintain the elaborate and intricate NPD syndrome of attributes
(e.g., using others for self-aggrandisement, attractive social mask,
secrecy, evasion, lying, scapegoating, etc.) without conscious effort.
Psychologists say that, in their quiet moments, NPDs know that they
are not really as grandiose as they pretend.
When NPDs cynically use others to "feed" their false self, they know it.
When they overreact to perceived criticisms, they know what the truth is.
When they lie to conceal their inadequacies, they have chosen to deceive.
When they scapegoat others, they do so with deliberation.
When they refuse to apologize, they know they are in the wrong.
All of which means that free will is fully engaged in this so-called
"disorder."
In effect, the NPD is more than a mental sickness. Pathological
narcissism is not some noxious virus or bacteria that overtakes a
person. Whatever the early childhood experiences, free will is still
operative here. Rather, NPD is a moral disorder, because it is immoral
to lie and to use, exploit, blame, and hurt others.
More than immoral, NPD is, at its foundation, a spiritual blight.
Since the false self of the narcissist is extremely grandiose, she
excludes herself from the moral norms that govern "lesser" beings:
"rules don't apply to me." That makes NPDs their own gods. In so
doing, they are in denial of the fundamentally flawed nature of all
human beings.
The malignant narcissist is more than immoral, she is evil.
In his book, People of the Lie, Peck proposed to the psychological
profession a new diagnostic category of the "evil personality
disorder" (EPD) as a sub-type of NPD. As he put it, "The evil are `the
people of the lie,' deceiving others as they also build layer uponlayer of
self-deception." And when the narcissist intentionally hurts
another, she has crossed the line from being an NPD to being an EPD.
In Peck's words, "evil individuals will flee self-examination and
guilt by blaming and attempting to destroy whatever or whoever
highlights their deficiencies.". Except for atheists (who must be very
grandiose because they claim to know a negative, i.e., that God does
not exist),viall of us--the religious as well as agnostics--believe in
the existence of some supreme moral being or force in the universe.
Recognizing that, most of us harken to these words of Descartes: "I
have been so constituted as to be some kind of middle ground between
God and nothing .
I am not the supreme being, I lack quite a few things.
Dionysius the Areopagite concluded that being self-centered is
"inherently wrong" because we have "no right to be the centre of
things" as only God is the rightful center of all things.
Not only is vanity and pride the first of the Seven Deadly Sins, I
believe that narcissism is the root of all evil. Decrying the ills
that he saw rampant in modern society--the relativization of all moral
norms and the reduction of life to the immediate pursuit of material
gain without regard to its general consequences--VaÇlav Havel observed
that "Given its fatal incorrigibility, humanity will have to go
through many more Rwandas and Chernobyls before it understands how
unbelievably short-sighted a human being can be who has forgotten that
he is not God."
It is the misdiagnosis of pathological narcissism as a "personality
disorder" instead of a moral-spiritual condition which accounts for
psychiatrists' characterization of it as "one of the most . . .
difficult to treat conditions in the lexicon of mental illness.
