Thanks Bean, that makes sense -real sense.
I want to say a few things and get them out there.I have struggled with a lot of bewilderment with this woman over the past 6 months. For the life of me, I stll cannot fully grasp how we are in turmoil and uproar most of the time.
She is (superficially ) sweet, passive and ciompliant and has a high need to be loved ,in fact it is compulsive .She has an extemely high need for endless re-assurance ,affection and attention from men. She accuses me of wanting more,more, more from her ?? zTo me,that really meant some regular Saturday night dates and one or two meetings thru the weekif possible..
However there are several powerful factors at work which I think undermined my relationship with her.
1.She tried to have a highly sexually charged relationship with me 'in the shadow' of her other life.
I was not really included or integrated into her social life with her other friends .I met her children only a couple of times in 6 months. She did not invite me to several of her family events. I met her mother just once.
2. She sent me mixed, obscure and conradictory messages endlessly .I was expected to guess or read between the lines. For example - in one afternoon,she said "Would you marry me?" An hour later she said ," I never considered you as a life partner."
Another example - on our second or third date she admitted that she bought two condoms (taken from her son's room)but when SHE started to become 'physical' she pulled away saying loudly," I do not want to do this." (But we went ahead and did it anyways)
3.SHe has a chaotic history -alcoholic.wealthy father who had affairs and beat up on Mom, alcoholic husband who was wealthy and had affairs and left her after three kids and ten years of on/off marriage,for a 17 year old bimbo .
She still shares a house with her ex B/F(wealthy rancher -15 years older .They bought the place six years ago but broke up three years ago and he still lives in back. He wants her back but she says NO way).
SHe tells the story of her marriage as "always in turmoil -I was always tossing my husband out and when he was sorry enough and showed that her loved me enough I let him come back and we had great make-up sex."
She tells of the Rancher -"Before we lived together he dated me for six monthe before I even let him in my house. Then whenever we had a quarrel I would send him home and he would say sorry and I would then let him back in my life... and so on,and so on.
Maybe I am the male lead in the latest remake of her movie.
Even after 6 months I still have a churning upset feeling in my gut whenever I call her,or when i am going on a date with her. One day (in an insightful moment) I said to her with a wink, " I worship the quicksand that you walk on." She nodded in agreement.
Am I crazy ?
What are the chances ?
Jack .
