You know, in reading your kind posts, I had what I feel is a deeper insight.
I had wondered why my family had not believed me during the first 7 or 8 months of the divorce. Now, con-x was doing his royal thing of course which went something like this: "my poor wife is really having emotional trouble. I just want the best for her, just like I always have." Meanwhile he had thrown away my clothes, put his new girlfriends clothes in my closet and was actively dating her while stalking me, sending me flowers, etc. You can imagine how it went as well as see though the con adn manipulation, but my family could not. This type of thing happened to other people, not our family. Appearances, remember?
Anyone who has had this level of emotional abuse during their adult life and childhood is going to have emotional overload of one kind or another. Minimally, they are scared, frightened. Emotional abuse as you know robs you of the sense of self so you can be an extension of another. So, it is hard to function from a perspective of wholeness. My family had seen this in my reactions, but did not understand it. So when x continued his con, they immediately would believe him, who is not emotional in his presentation, and I who am terrorized in my situation would act as a normal terrorized person would act. Makes sense, doesn't it, especially when you filter in their the belief which came from mother that people who show emotions have great problems. The only one who truly understood the problem was the psychiatrist I went to who said after hearing my story, "The person who is crazy is the x, not you. Go live your life and don't look back except to understand. But, if you ever think about coming back to this man, come see me first, for I know then you will need help." Good advice which I took.
Now, perhaps it may be possible that brother relates to x so much because he is like x in many ways. Had not thought of that before. x still calls my mother, who hates to talk to him now as she slowly has understood. But she does talk to him, saying it is because he is her grandchildren's father. Stupid reason, IMHO. But it is her problem, not mine. On some level, perhaps she is afraid not to talk to him when he calls. As I said, it is her problem now, not mine. If he so much as looks at me, it is a violation of a court order which I will persue to the fullest exent of the law. Besides, if he does that, his new wife will demolish him in some way.
Something else I have just seen while reading your responses and my posts. My family all these years has known me as insecure, a person who was dependent on the actions and support of others as well as a very emotional person who had panic attacks. I was the revolving door when the children were little, trying to give them a normal life and making every thing work well for them. Well, I lost myself in the process. However, that was the person my family knew.
Now, though, I am totally different. I consider myself rather empowered. From my current perspective, all these things were a soul lesson for empowerment which was what I came here to learn. I know my strengths, and I know when it is OK to be vulnerable in life. I have not only moved out of the state for half a year, I am a different country. Everything from family business goes to my own business attorney for it is important to realize what you know and understand, but it is more important to recognize what you do not understand and get support/help in that area! My family not only does not know this person who I am now, but being a co-dependent bunch, they cannot relate to independence and empowerment, especially in females. Guess you could say in their eyes, I am the odd man out. That is great with me.
Sometimes, in some ways, you simply have to cut the family ties. I am in the process of doing this. Perhaps I already have. Yes, it hurts sometimes more than others. Yes, it is the right thing to do. Yes, it probably is a more normal, funcitoning way to relate to these people. Yes, for a while I had to deal with guilt at being myself; this was the hardest one, but I got over it nicely. Yes, part of me mourned my perception of family, but the spiritual part of me finds a higher form of love which is very rewarding.
If there is one thing I would say to others who have had these experiences it is this: You can get over it by living each day within the presence of your wholeness. All previous experiences are your history but they do not determine your worth. Emotional abuse is an experience which was designed by others to determine their own self worth. It is not a definition of yourself for only you make that perception.
Once I found the above truth, I was on my way to joy, freedom. and abundance in the way I could create it.
Talking to everyone here, just spilling my guts out, has given me profound insight. Perhaps I had to see it objectionably. Perhaps a higher power has directed me here. Doesn't matter really, for the loving hugs I got here are very special.
Blessings to everyone who has been voiceless in their life. May we all roar now with joy!
