freedom from n dad

[moonlight52]

I am the adult child of abusive  father .Heres the story 2 parents mom loving kind.That is my inheritance her kind diamond heart.
4 children All physically abused.My twin brother has passed away ,motorcycle accident(yet he spoke of dying young)My twin could not be the ATTORNEY my father said he must be a attorney failure.2 older sisters the oldest got away left 15 years ago
smart move.Next sister suffers from disorders that are more intense and harder than mine.The one sis with the most disorders has a daughter now 36  she became my fathers dream come true an ATTORNEY,she is like him.Together they are partners in his law firm.My father is worth millions.My husband and I have a small company .A company we started on our own.Also to understand my story you must know my Mom who taught me LOVE has been gone 20 years.So here I am love sources from family of origin gone .My father remarried a lady.Thats OK I do have 2 daughters that love  grand dad .Last Monday I went to my dads office usually I mail these monthly papers but that day I was feeling strong I went.There into the vipers den alone.Also I must tell you I have never asked about his estate.There also was small land promised to me and my husband by my mom and dad to my hubby and me .After mom died that was gone I said nothing.Last Monday I am in vipers den (dads law office)and he says I am putting my estate in land and the owners of this land are  attorney niece and dads  2nd wife.He was going to sign papers the next day to put estate in order.Why he felt the need to tell me was clear by the cruel way he told me "you don't care about money do you'
Why he felt the need to tell me I do not know .He could have not said a word I would not have been told by the others.
I believe he has done me a favor I get to be unstuck from him .He put words in my mouth that day like "you do not care about money"
Well I care about the fact I can love .Sadly for him he can not.What I did manage to say was my inheritance is from my mom
a diamond heart that love.So that is why I am finally free But it does feel like a slap in the face
What do you guys think?
Moonlight

[Hopalong]

Of COURSE it's another slap and kick, Moon, which you SO do not deserve.
I think his behavior is cruel and very manipulative.

I think it is NOT nice to toy with your children over inhertance. It's been done to me and it was poisonous. I tried so hard to be immune to the money issues involved, but I couldn't stay perfectly pure about it. I resented!!!!!

When my time comes I'm going to hand my D a folder that tells her absolutely everything about whatever I've arranged. No surprises and no manipulation, I swear to whomever.

I'm so sorry that happened, Moon. No wonder you felt so desolate that day.
You do have your mother's diamond heart.

(((((((((((((((Moon)))))))))))))))

Hops

[mudpuppy]

What do you guys think?

I think they use whatever they can to hurt us because they're jealous of decent people. And since they can't have decency or honor they do their best to harm those who do.

Being harmed by one is a badge of honor because they only harm those who deny their crackpot fantasies.

I think you're lucky you are your mother's heir and not your father's.

mud

[pennyplant]

Dear Moon,

I am very sorry you and your family have to suffer this betrayal.  It's definitely not about material possessions.  It's about someone being willing to break his own daughter's heart.  It is very sad that there are others, the N 2nd wife and the N niece, who are willing to participate.  I am glad, though, that you have the refuge of your hubby and girls and others who care about you.

PP

[moonlight52]

Hi     Just in case you may thie n father has been generous with money in any time of my life I will let you know Hubby and I and our 2 girls have our own small business .A modest 3 bedroom house and 2 cars and 2 cats  2 small loans that we paid back.I believe that because of the physical abuse he can not give inheritance if he did it would be like saying hes sorry.He can not do that.
My hubby and I feel like after slap here .I guess the fact in n fathers mind that he even had to put up with us was such bother and pain for him.He gets off on hurting .And please advise there is a large photo of my mom , shes just so lovely in it she looked like Gene Tierney if anyone
remembers her .But the only thing I want is that photo do I have a chance? I hope I do not sound like a stinker
But I wish I could have the Photo of my loving mom.Would he be that unkind no one else would want it?
Moonlight
Hops  I understand I have the love.But still the next morning I felt like I had been mugged (also my dad knows all the tummy trouble i have and the surgery I will need),and my h did something smart he took a pillow and said moon hit then said hit it harder then h said stab it and scream moon "I hate you dad" it was hard
but I feel better then h and I laughed and I told hubby I guess I owe you a therapist fee of $150.00 HUBBY said its on the house.

[pennyplant]

Hi Moon,

Would there be a way to borrow the picture of your mom and have copies made?  Either with or without his knowledge?  I've borrowed lots of family photos from relatives and had them copied at Wal-mart.  They came out very nice.

I'm not sure what to do about your daughters' relationship with their grandfather.  Maybe others will have ideas on that one.

You've got a smart hubby--I like that pillow idea     .

PP

[moonlight52]

HI PP AND Mud  and All   Being harmed by a n is a badge of honor .This is a good idea .Its funny I have seen the way my n dad has looked at my hubby when he(my hubby) has shown me affection .Its strange its like he wants it but does not know what love is or feels like.One time my hubby placed his hand lovingly on my hand I thought n dad was going to go bonkers the vibes were weird.Thanks Mud I am my moms heir.I tell ya Mud I have the badges. Thanks
PP I like the idea of getting photo copied they do not care about an old photo and my hubby knows a special photo place where they only do very old photos PP It really is not the money but I feel like I have been assaulted.
The next day my n sis that is way out there and who's daughter is big n niece well my n sis called the very next morning when she knew I had been told about zero dough and she laughed at me weird...........................
Its her daughter getting big bucks.attorney niece she puts me down a lot and likes to snub me Well shes also in a weird cult thing .She is so weird she tried to get my daughter to join cult thing and was sweet to my daughter until my daughter said she did not want to be in this weird group.This is n dads idea of breaking my heart but I do feel free all they think is who ever has the most money is the winner in life. That is so sad Thanks PP
Somewhere in this mix is him being controlled by 2nd wife thats 25 years younger thats going to take care of him when he can not.
HUGS
Moon
PS I want to do the pillow thing again made me feel better moon family is thinking the love is better
pss N dad called today and talked about an unimportant matter he did all the talking I said I GOT TO GO .I do not understand him He told me I am such a good person almost a saint then he stabs me in the back???????????sick ick ick       
WHAT AM I SAINT OR THE BIGGEST PAIN IN THE WORLD???????????????? WEIRD   Now he wants my love  YUCKY

[Hopalong]

Hi Moon,
I want to understand one thing a little better: when you were in his office and he was telling you about his estate, was he taking pleasure in that? I mean, did he get a sadistic sort of kick out of it?
Or was he just giving you info?

The reason I ask is, he really might have told himself that you don't care about money. And maybe you don't. But if you could use a certain amount to ease stress in your life, AND he wasn't taking obvious pleasure in leaving you out...what would you have to lose by saying, You said I don't care about money, and I do think love is more important. But it's also true that if you leave me some money, it would help our family.

Or would doing that open you up to more manipulation and mistreatment?

Hops

[lightofheart]

Hi Moon,

I'm so sorry your father can't see you for the gem that you are; he would be so much richer for that boundless love you deserve.

One question--and this may be way out there, but--would you feel comfortable asking him, in a friendly way, what he would like you to tell your children, his grandkids who love him, when they ask you and your H. why grandad didn't leave them an inheritance like he did the others, and whatever opportunities for them that money could buy? Maybe he hasn't considered this, or maybe his ego is big enough that the idea of coming off like an un-nice guy to your kids might bother him? My best guess is you & H. sheltered your kids from negative info. about him as much as possible...but with the estate, this is a situation where your kids might notice he is playing favorites or treating them unfairly. What got me thinking about this is my grandma, who I loved so much and saw so little of it took years to notice she treated my brother & me like 3rd class citizens compared to her other grandkids.

I'm glad you and your hubby & the kids are safe and there for each other in your lovetent. Hopefully it has lots of pillows?

blessings to you, Moon.
LoH

[moonlight52]

Hi Hops           He said it with sadistic pleasure a face he has shown me before that I know and brings terror to my soul .
             
When I see and hear him with that voice and posture its like he has risen from the depths of hell.He knows we could use some
money.He knows exactly what he has done. And what about his other grand chrildren ? Its not just me its 3 bio children out of estate and all grandchrildren but 1.And he is worth millions. I am kind but he knows he has hurt me .Yes that is what I do not want to show him
that he has broken me .The pain for me is for all my words the pain is hard to bear.He waits to see what way I will react .And they all know and think it is funny,my pain my hubby's pain is a joke.SICK HE KNOWS HE  HURT ME.
Hi LoH   I could ask him about my children his grandchildren and what I should tell them .You See as he would say "I just don"t give a tinkers damn"One or  some other weird saying.He had been showing that he does not think of anyone but n 2nd wife and n niece
for years everyone knows.My twin was married had 2 kids my sis in law remarried . My twin's children have kids these other grand children are cut out as well.But he got to slice me up in his office .It was just by accident I went that day or was it?
Moonlight
PS He knows I thought he would be fair in his estate ,HE KNOWS I CARE ABOUT THE ESTATE .HE IS IS JUST TRICKY . WHAT COME BACK DO I HAVE FROM "YOU do not care about money"no matter what I COULD HAVE SAID he still was going to do this.Why let him hurt me more .He knows just what he has done no amount of trying to make him see it as unfair will change him.
Well I do take the most wonderful delight in the kind of people my hubby and my children are this gives me great joy and comfort

[pennyplant]

It was just by accident I went that day or was it?

Maybe then this is the knowledge you needed to begin to set yourself free from him.

PP

[lightofheart]

Oh, gosh, Moon,

I'm so sorry. It's awful just to picture him trying to hurt you. Your heart is just too big for him to accept.

Can't decide which would be sadder: for him to finally realize all the love he's stepped on from wonderful people like you, H. & your kids, or to never wake up and feel that at all. I hope you can get whatever safe distance you need from him and keep your heart-connection to your loving M. and her memory.

take good care,
LoH

[moonlight52]

THANKS I  do believe by him doing this I am on my path to freedom also the funny thing is once the shock wears off I will
become more shiny and bright and will give stronger love and light to my dear family. I humbly say .I will and can see that I will forgive him.What, so I will not have his gobs of money so what .The key to understand his actions is the child abuse physical( not sexual) he whipped us all regularly with a belt took pleasure in it.If he gave any money to any of his children he abused it would be like saying I am sorry.He can not do that.He is a amazing heartless man .I have learned much from him .His cruelty has taught me much compassion.To not after time forgive him will only keep a connection TO HIM , I am ready to let go.After my twin's death I know whats really important.Evil is the absence of LOVE
My heart will be sweet and free right here on earth .I WANT JUST TO BE FREE .Even after he passes these other NS they
know they do not have what my family has .As for my n dad realizing what I AM WORTH WELL
"I JUST DON'T GIVE A TINKERS DAMN"
Moon

[Healing&Hopeful]

Oh Moon... I can only imagine how much this must hurt and I truly admire your strength in your post and especially your positive title "freedom from n dad". 

Hold on to what you know, be true to yourself and I'm sure your Mum is so proud of you.


He knows just what he has done no amount of trying to make him see it as unfair will change him.
This leapt out at me.  Having dealt with an N dad, I could really relate to where you are coming from here.  When I decided to cut contact with my bio dad, Mum said to me "He'll cut you out of his will"... I replied "Let him, it's only money... doesn't make you any happier.  I have a great hubby and a good life and good friends which beats any money in the world".

Take care

H&H xx