Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Hi all!

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seeker:
Dear Phoenix,

(I love your name!!)  I haven't been through half of what you have been through and have felt that same sense of abandonment, panic, unbalance. I'll apologize upfront for the fragmented response here as I had many thoughts while reading your post:

1.  It's not enough to state events...YES!  Other people will not understand the context and subtleties of the interchanges that harm us.  Also, therapeutically speaking, it has been suggested (proven?) that if one writes about events and connects how they FELT about those events (as in a journal) it is quite healing.  I think that is one reason this board is so helpful.  If there are other events you do not want to share on the board, but you need to deal with, try sharing it in a private journal.  One can slay those dragons with a pen.

2.  The precipice.  When I remember my darkest days, this is the image I think of.  I was teetering on the edge, thinking about going down, down, down.  I am glad to read you have loving friends to pull you back from the edge by the seat of your pants.  I have a loving husband and others who did the same for me.  I'm very glad you have a Team Phoenix to pull you through.

Another image I think of that helps me (okay, now I'm really "out there")is a cracking egg but with light shining through.  Yes, perhaps I'm cracked, but it's a little new life struggling to get out.  I heard somewhere that when we are faced with these incredible challenges, big or small, it is a "message from the Light" and it's how we choose to answer those messages that makes all the difference.  You've been given quite a number of "messages" and perhaps the Universe is trying to get your attention!  :shock: Perhaps you are being prepared for and destined for a life much different than what you had envisioned before all this happened.  Well, sometimes I can be too philosophical and you might think this is all BS and you just want to be able to pay the bills!  I understand.

3. Back to Planet Earth here: Along with Simon, I also read your post and was concerned about your legal rights.  47 and he's questioning your decisions?  You should consider finding a legal advocate who specializes in estate planning.  At the very least, you should request a copy of the will or instructions your father is being held to or holding you to so that you know in advance what requests are "valid" and which are not.  Health, education, and welfare are certainly valid (okay, a desire for a pony isn't,  :D ).  If he and his attorney refuse to give you a copy, this would set off my alarm bells Big Time.  Is his attorney an estate planning attorney or a litigator (it makes a difference).  Anyway, I am not offering legal advice, I am not a lawyer, but this is what I would look into.  Get someone who knows the rules of the inheritance game. It sounds like money is a real issue and your welfare is at the heart of the matter.  Perhaps there is a Legal Aid service in your community that would be a good starting point.  

4. If you do lose your access to the Internet, turn to your local library!  Many libraries now have access and perhaps this can fill the gap while you pull your resources together...just a thought.  

Good luck to you, Phoenix.  Perhaps we'll learn to fly after all...S.

phoenix:
bye

Anonymous:
I don't see how your father can legally determine your fiscal maturity. He is holding onto money that isn't his. Is it legal for him to do so? Only an estate attorney can tell you. In this case I would put all emotion aside and get legal advice. Maybe you can kiss up to your dad long enough to get the money for an attorney!   :twisted:

bunny

rosencrantz:
Hi Phoenix - You really do need legal advice.  The way the legal system works, there really is nothing that the current attorney can do for you - it isn't a case of attorneys standing up for what's right or what is legal - they act solely in the interests of their client.

A lawyer will ensure you get to see the original documentation AND sort out the 'maturity' issue.   Just do it in stages and employ the lawyer to do one task for you, then another - that way you control the costs.

But at the moment you seem to be in the middle of a cat and mouse game with your father - the challenge now is : can you stop playing the game???  These Ns have us waste our lives dancing to their tune - even when we think we're avoiding them.  (Fighting them is part of the game - only true total indifference works.)  In amongst all the betrayal and pain you have experienced, have you managed to discover a tune of your own to dance to yet??  

Just one practical thought - if you do have to use the bequest to buy something 'big' like a house - why not buy a house and then you'll be free to sell it or get income from it by renting it out??
R

Simon46:
Rosencrantz and Jacmac, you also expressed my thoughts very well.

I would think about -

Plan A:  Find a lawyer that would accept this work on a contingency basis. Find out what your rights are. You lawyer fights for you. If you can get your rightful inheritance, great. If it turns out that he legally does have control of doling out the money go to Plan B.

Plan B: Imagine there was a way to emotionally “let it go” and be free of this insane and ridiculously unfair situation. Let go of your father, and let go of idea of the money, even though you need it and are entitled to it. Accept that the way you are being treated is wrong and unfair. While you are being deliberately tortured by your father, you are also torturing yourself by continuing to play the role you have been assigned by him. Dancing to his tune as R said. We have all been taught to dance to that tune. Is there a way to go about your life as if that issue was not there? You can take away his power over you by taking away his ability to get what he wants from you (the ability to control you) and you gain your freedom from him and his tyranny.

What an incredibly unkind man who would rather watch his daughter suffer than help her out.  As a father of two daughters, it is so hard to understand.

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