Hi Seasons, Bean, Blue-
Wow, I really don't know how anyone survives more than one person with N tendencies in the family, especially as parents.
My hat's off to you for managing come to through with chins up and coping skills intact.
An eye-opener in my last N friend debacle came when she launched into a tirade about a friend of hers--and every one of her well-articulated gripes
exactly described her own behavior with me. Whoa! Thought that kind of unawareness must be rare...until I came here, read others' experiences, and realized every N I've ever been close to has been that blind to their own stuff..
I can't even imagine what years of family get-togethers & holidays must be like with dueling Ns?
My H. has an N. sister & Mom; last family party both came to wound up with Mom throwing cake, the N. sister outing her sister-in-law for adultery in front of her (young) kids, and N. sister/Mom having a shove-down at the curb. The N. sister hasn't spoken to my H. since. It wasn't until that party that I understood why, our first few years together, my H. used to disappear into a guest room for a few hours on Thanksgiving/Christmas...think he needed a few years of peaceable holidays under his belt to believe they even existed.
I hope special occasions with your chosen families now are as warm and happy as all get out. Just as nice as you deserve...

LoH