NPD Dad or just 'strict' ??

[anony123]

My Dad died in 1993 and my Mom still called him "strict" years later. He was a cop (Lieutenant) after he came out on the military. He was a tyrant at home and used humiliation, sneering and subtle insults (sometimes just facial expressions) to 'control' the kids. He was the most blaming attacking person and would use every tiny misfortune that happened to me as an opportunuitry to point outr 'the error of my ways"-  as if my foolishness, incompetence. carelessness or laziness was responsible for every difficulty. I remember that ever conversation was turned into a "blame game". He critisized and found fault with everything, When I turned 13 I started to get acne on my face and he found a way to sneer,ridicule and blame me for that by telling me subtly that I was eating wrong (even though I did not buy or cook the food in the house -my Mom did )
He also had no 'feelings' for people in distress and would speak about them as if they bought all their problems on themselves thru laziness or carelessness.
Everything was black and white and my MOm just went along with this in silence.
HE believed that he wae elite and superior to most other in our neighborhood and would find a way of using my academic success to enhance HIS public reputation. He owned me !
I was not a person in my own right .I was subservient to him totally. My thoughts and wishes and feelings wwere crushed and trashed in ridicule.
I am getting a little angry typing this - I need to go for a walk .

Jack.

[moonlight52]

Hi Jack , This does not sound like loving support to me.To ridicule ones child is cruel and has no parental instruction connection.
To insult and humiliate ones child shows the parent has no love for themselves.I am so sorry your father inflicted theses
behaviors on to you a wonderful child that deserved kind ,loving protection .I am the adult child of a destructive n father and have
experience similar to yours.All that stuff he did was about him not you .
Love and Light
Moon

[pennyplant]

Jack,

It might be N behavior or it might be overly strict.  It was very harmfull regardless of the illness involved.  There was absolutely no space for the real Jack to even exist with this kind of an upbringing.  No wonder just typing it out makes you feel angry.  It was just not right to do that to you.  And it sounds like in spite of it all, you still tried to please him or at least placate him--yet that wasn't enough either.  What a terrible set-up.

It is making you feel angry now just thinking about it.  That probably means you are getting into the areas of your past that you need to work on.  The stuff that is still working on you.  It's pretty important stuff in my opinion.

Pennyplant

[Hopalong]

Hi Jack,
You were cheated, and so was he. Sounds to me like a tragic mix of hyper-macho culture (police are famous for this) meeting man who doesn't know how to express love (he probablly thought constantly criticizing you was "protecting" you from a life like that of the lawbreakers...somewhere in his own mind, that was "help"). But he failed...my guess is he just didn't know how. Constant belittling, constant correction, are so grating to a child's spirit. And your Mom sounds pretty weak, but that might be generational, too. She may not have had what it would take to stand up to him.

Jack, rotten childhood is step one...join the club. It's good that you're seeing it clearly and feeling it now. Ahead are steps such as therapy, reading and healing. And then a happier, saner life. If you choose to be a father one day, I bet that child will know what a Dad's approval and affection feel like.

Hops

[seasons]

(((Jack)))

I'm very sorry your Dad hurt you. I hope feeling the anger helps you let it out, the pain, suffering and loss of what you should of received.

((wishing you peace)) seasons