Hi Jack,
You were cheated, and so was he. Sounds to me like a tragic mix of hyper-macho culture (police are famous for this) meeting man who doesn't know how to express love (he probablly thought constantly criticizing you was "protecting" you from a life like that of the lawbreakers...somewhere in his own mind, that was "help"). But he failed...my guess is he just didn't know how. Constant belittling, constant correction, are so grating to a child's spirit. And your Mom sounds pretty weak, but that might be generational, too. She may not have had what it would take to stand up to him.
Jack, rotten childhood is step one...join the club. It's good that you're seeing it clearly and feeling it now. Ahead are steps such as therapy, reading and healing. And then a happier, saner life. If you choose to be a father one day, I bet that child will know what a Dad's approval and affection feel like.
Hops