Hi, I am new here. I dont really know where to begin. First of all, i read about narcissism just about a week ago. I am separated from my husband and couldnt believe that i was reading something that was so exact. But i go back and forth wondering if he is really narcissistic.
We got married in Dec of 2002. About 2 weeks later he told me that he couldnt be intimate with me because i had stretchmarks and saggy boobs. He said, he was just trying to be honest because my ex husband was not honest with me and that he knew it was not me, it was him. I dont know why i stayed after that but i did. I have a 5 year old daughter who adores him and maybe that was y i decided to try to make it work. Anyway, as time went on, everytime we would get into a little argument (just regular marriage arguments) he would be devastated to the point that he would tell me he wanted a divorce. I would cave in to him and we would stay together. One time i needed help and said, Hey would you like to do that for me? He said, If you are asking me to do that for you, I will, but if you are asking if i want to, i will not do it. It really offended him because i asked if he would like to do it? I could not say or do things without offending him or one of his family.
We were living with his mom because she was gone 1/2 the week and we needed to try to save money to buy a house because he didnt want to rent and "waste" the money on rent. well, he wouldnt even combine the incomes. He still had "his" money and mine was to be shared among all of us and to pay the bills. He would only work 20-25 hours per week and claimed that he was working full time and doing all he could. Of course i guess it didnt matter since i was the one paying all the bills anyway. Finally, i said i wanted to move out because he wasnt trying to save anyway and there were a number of arguments that his controlling and medeling mother had to get in on and then they would both gang up on me. HIs brother also lived there and would gang up as well. What a nightmare!
I finally told him that he shouldnt ever say taht he wanted a divorce unless he really meant it and the next time he said it, i would really leave. Well the next fight he didnt say he wanted a divorce, he told me to go to hell. He would almost always walk out in the middle of any argument we had and would not listen to my side and when he did listen, he did not hear the same thing i was saying.
Things went good for about 2 months and he was actually working and "letting" me have his check to pay the bills (he would never talk about the bills because they would "overwhelm" him, and i was expected to pay them with my check.) so i was supporting all 3 of us and he got to keep and spend all of his money that he made except for the 2 months. THEN, one night we were discussing getting some stuff off of his credit report so that we could qualify to buy a house or townhome or something and he got really upset and overdosed on his depression and anxiety meds. I moved to my moms house for the weekend because i didnt want to be with HIS family while he was hospitalized and he freaked out. I told him that if he wanted to make it work to move out with me and we could work it out, but i didnt want to move back into his moms house. he wouldnt come and now blames me because i "left him." His whole family keeps saying, oh would you have left him if he had cancer???? You just ran out on him. etc etc. At the time he overdosed, i was 7 months pregnant and he took me on a ride without telling me that he took the pills and ran red lights and into curbs, etc. I had never been around anyone on drugs or drunk or anything so i asked if he was drunk. He said no but then when we got to our room, he said he had taken a bunch of pills. that was the end of august.
Now, his family is furious with me and tells people how awful i am because i wouldnt conform to their house rules and live with them. (he has 6 sisters and a brother-the brother was the only one at home still) He is 40 years old. I'm sorry, but he could have a job. He has had 4 jobs from the end of august until about october and then nothing since then. He claims he is too depressed to work and both him and his mom have claimed that i dont need money from him anyway because i get child support from my ex for my 5 year old. Um, i now have a 3 month old that is HIS, NOT MY EX's. but his mom even tells him he doesnt have to work because my ex gives me enough money. MY EX HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE 3 MONTH OLDS EXISTENCE, Y SHOULD HE BE RESPONSIBLE????? anyway......... after all that (and that is the SHORT version) What does anyone think? does the narcissism have any validity here? I dont want to make a hasty decision, but i cant live with this insane behavior. i am tired and have a 3 month old baby and work full time so i can pay my bills. He pays a few bills but wont help with diapers and formula or the daycare. I guess i'll have to make it legal so he will. *sigh* and helppppp.
Nat-a-roo
