Hello. I posted the story of the probable end of my relationship under the topic 'Rejected' and several posters were kind enough to give me their opinions and support.
As I mentioned, there was always something unusual about the romantic relationship, and then the friendship, between me and this guy. I reacted to him in ways that I had never done with other people;I either felt intensely happy with him, or that I could never be sure where I stood. Sometimes he made me feel wonderful, but at others I seemed to have to twist and turn to keep up with his moods and his contradictory behaviour.
Now that it looks as if the relationship is over, I'm trying to make sense of it, and of how it has ended.
I've been trying to become better-informed, and one possibility that has struck me is that he is a narcissist. I think that there are good people on this site who know a lot about this from first-hand experience, so I wonder if somebody could tell me if the way he has behaved is in line at all with what you might expect from a narcissist.
First, until very recently, and so this is for about 6 years, he moreorless worshipped me, saying that I was his goddess, comparing other people to me unfavourably in every way. He said that his feelings for me were so strong that I made him behave better towards me than he did towards anyone else.
The relationship was as I described earlier;blissful, but I had to attend to all his needs...emotionally, intellectually,sometimes financially, and these needs always had to be met immediately. This was difficult as they often changed daily or even more often than that. Sometimes I would spend ages on the phone trying to sort out something he wanted,but then the next day he didn't want it anymore.He didn't show any awareness of the time and trouble I had gone to.
When, only two or three months ago, I put my foot down about something for the first time, albeit in a non-confrontational way, there was a distinctly chilly response from him.
Things then returned to moreorless normal.Another odd thing was that, talking about other close friends of his,the feelings he expressed for them would often swing from one extreme to the other, in the same conversation, and sometimes in the same sentence.I remember once him telling me about a 'wonderful' friend, then spending the next hour in a real lather telling me how much the same friend got on his nerves.
Now finally, as I posted on the other topic, I asked him to do something that would help meet my own needs in the relationship.I did not mean this to be a threat or an ultimatum, but when he said that he could not do what I asked, I told him, in quite loving terms, that I would have to end the friendship.He got in touch soon after to say that he will never contact me again.
Apart from the bizarre points about the relationship and his behaviour, (and there are too many to mention here, some of which I'm only noticing now we are apart,) I wonder if the way it has finished could also be explained if he is a narcissist. Maybe all his expressions of love, usually made in writing or over the phone, not face-to-face, were only words.He loves playing with language, as well.He also has other friends who could step into my shoes and minister to his needs as I used to;and materially, some of them can give him more than I used to.
So I wonder if anyone could help me with these points:
Do you think it is possible that he might be a narcissist?
If he was a narcissist,and as he has other relationships, would I be a non-person to him now? Would he hate me, miss me, or be completely indifferent to me?
Is it likely that he would do what he said, and never contact me again?
If I contacted him again, what sort of response would I be likely to get?
It's very important to me to try and understand all this. This friendship was very special to me, and at the same time very painful.
I'd be so grateful for any feedback.
