"Sexualizing children"

[Portia]

Really Me, Laura

All I can think of is questions…

Why does she want to be a woman? (social pressure, feeling wrong in herself?) Is being a woman a cloaked desire simply to be herself - i.e. whole person - or is it a particular gender issue?

What does she see herself like as the woman she might want to be? (different job, hobbies, activities?)

Which women does she think she could be like (and which ones definitely not like), what are her images?

Has/does she have (sexual) relationships? What’s her attitude to sex?

And a load of other questions I could think of! But seriously, what a task. How do you intend to help her?

[Brigid]

adrift,
I could really relate to what you said about being more "guy-like" in your attitude toward sexual innuendo, jokes and maybe to sex in general.  I, too, enjoy talking about it, really enjoy doing it, and now that I am in my mid-50's, feel free to experience both more than ever before.  I certainly wouldn't do that inappropriately, but with my b/f or certain g/f's, we do enjoy discussing it.

I was molested at age 9 and date-raped at 16--I never told my parents about either experience.  I don't know how much that has to do with it.  Sex was never discussed in my household and I never saw my father in anything but boxer shorts.  Touching never happened in my home, so I know I sought that outside the home as a teenager and young adult and probably why I married so young the first time.

If there are any psychologists lurking here, I'm sure this is great fodder.

Brigid

[mum]

If I can stay on course, finish this divorce I will get myself back.

Keep that as your only focus. You are well on your way, Pavelle.

And to answer your questions:

Who exploits their daughter? their wife? Who entertains people with their pre-teen/teen child for business/attention even if it puts them in harms way? Who makes the kid responsible for the rest of their lives they feel like an object?

People of the Lie. (M.Scott Peck's book). That's who. (the book is about narcissism as evil).

((((((((((((Pavelle))))))))))))))): do you know you are recovering at breakneck speed? Probably doesn't feel like it, but you are. Steady as she goes....

[Hopalong]

Pavelle,
YOU CAN do this.
You have the intelligence to see what has happened to you.
You have the imagination...you really do....to yearn after a different kind of life, a recovered self.

And you have the will to sit down and write a honest, completely unsparing account of the reality of what has happened to you.

You already have what you need to turn away. You are so much stronger than you assume.
Just turn away and keeeeeeep walking.

I agree with Mum...you have already begun your healing.
(Wounds ache while they are healing, like cuts itch. It's okay.
Think about just "tolerating" this unfamiliar kind of discomfort while continuing to walk away.

You have tolerated so much already. This is just...different.
Now you just need to begin to tolerate the idea that you deserve a healthy, happy life.
That's really the only basic decision you need.

You will gradually grow more attached to this idea than you ever were to the horrible past and the devaluing, degrading men (starting with your father).

(((((Pavelle)))))

Hopalong

[gratitude28]

Pavelle,
I love the story of your first boyfriend/first husband. Too bad you couldn't have met at a saner, happier, less turbulent time of your life. How wonderful that you two can work together to take care of your children!!
I won't go into it... but you reminded me too of something my parents did that was putting me in a very sexual situation. Nice to be seen as an object, eh????
It is nice to see that your wheels are turning and you are getting stronger. Keep working through this all and soon you will be able to toss it away with the garbage, move on and then use it to make future, better choices.
Love, Beth