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"Don't Tell! Don't Feel! Don't think!" Common?

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Anastasia:
Got to wondering if I am the only one who was DIRECTLY told not to "tell" what went on in the house?  Am I the only one who was told not to "talk" to others about what was going on in the house?  Am I the only one who was told directly that I "felt" too much and should (more or less) just put myself on autopilot?  Nmother always said I "thought" too much--as if this were a "bad" thing!
Regardless, I really am wondering if most of us got the same message or not from our Narcissistic parent(s)?  
Yes, I know this is the credo of the dysfunctional family; but is this also the credo of the Narcissistic parent?  Opinions?

By the way, you might like this one (stealing it from someone famous):
  98% of the families out there are dysfunctional and the other 2% are just kidding theirselves!

CC:
Most definitely A, I was always told that what went on in our family was NOBODY'S business.    I was not to "air dirty laundry"  and also, was always told I "over analyze everything".  This is because I would mention the TRUTHS that were going on and why they were happening.  My mother feels threatened whenever I have mentioned that my childhood is discussed with a therapist.  

My N mother has gone to AA for 35 years.  Yet they don't know anything about her.  She tells me how they all "lay things out on the table" and she would "never discuss" some of the things they talk about.

Is it any wonder she's not healed?

phoenix:
bye

Anonymous:
I have terrible anxiety about stating things, even when I know I am right and justified...though I cannot remember any specific circumstances where it happened my parents certainly told us there would be dire consequences if anyone looked into our family environment...the irony being that an outsider almost certainly would not have realised the strange abuse which was going on.

rosencrantz:
Too right, Anastasia.  Terrible secrets.  Terrible guilt.  

Coming out of the closet is a most painful re-birth.

But oh the bliss of finding other people having similar experiences!!!  And them not finding my experiences outrageous at all!!!

Actually, once you're out of the closet, you wonder what all the fuss was about.  What were all those secrets that were so fearsome that couldn't be told???

There was nothing in our day to day lives...no incest, no black eyes, no coal holes!

Having said that, I have discovered that there were secrets, dark things that happened back in my mother's generation and the generation before that.  Things they couldn't talk about or even acknowledge.  That's where the secrets were.  

And then my own deep dark dread.  Echoing your experience, Phoenix, I just didn't recognise where it came from.

But I know now...and, having faced the worst of it head on, even thinking for a while that I wouldn't/couldn't survive it, the fear and the dread and the terror have almost left me.  In fact, I don't think that any encounter with my mother could reinstate it.  I shan't be running before I can walk, but it's good to know that normality is within earshot!!! :)
R

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