Warriorgirl,
I suppose i'd give you brownie points for thinking Ns have as many rights as the rest of us, that they are wounded souls, that if they were only aware of what they are doing they would be so much happier. And of course it takes people like you to save them from their inherited or not unhappiness.
If you are a Phd in psychology and thereby into a loving albeit professional relationship with this man I would dare to say give it a shot.
But then Ns like people who think they should be happier, they enjoy having people around who will feed their need to be heard and valued for who they are..just like Normal people right?...Ns love to have altruistic, love bubbles all around them to better feed off them, that's my opinion.
Philosophically and spiritually and socially, i believe you are right in having faith that true Ns can one day maybe shed that layer of self hatred and self absorption..why not..the problem is that Ns are never really aware of their life sucking ability..they take and do not give, they don't hear you, they size you up..they're not concerned for your health the way a empathic person would be..they want you to remain a well oiled servile machine.
No matter what you say, you never have a sharing and equal relationship with an N.. no matter how good the sex is ( 'cos often it is!) you have a service contract with them..when you rebel or get exhausted or start taking care of yourself ( not both of you for ethereal purposes) they start to think it's time to move on to a more reliable source of supply. They have no loyalty toward you because life for them is a one way street..they'll shower you with gifts or make you pay all the time because it's not about giving, it's about controlling. They involve all kinds of people in your relationship..just in case..people start to look at you funny because the N has made sure he's told at least ten people that although you're very nice and caring you do have some major faults..just in case. For an N that's playing it safe...just in case they're found out or it gets too uncomfortable for them, they always have a quick escape route..forever are living plan B instead of what you're living..plan A.
It is the ultimate selfishness borne out of conditioned, inherited, genetically conjured up or whatever..Ns are in it, the " game of life" that is for themselves and noone else..not even you.
They delude themselves into thinking that Love conquers all but deep down inside are terribly afraid that the very love they speak of will demolish them...they must control love, like everything in their world..just in case.
They'll wine and dine you, make wonderful love and promises to you because as long as you're serving them well you are hyper-valued, you have deity status. Lord help you if somewhere along the way they find someone better ( because they're always looking- come on we've all seen their radar eyes forever scanning the horizon for a sympathy fix!) and they convince themselves that this time He or She is it..then you become the greatest mistake of their life..all the nice things you've done for them and to them are now torture and lies and pure fiction..you didn't help them at all..you just made them worse and now you're gonna pay! And man how they'll make you pay..you are now enemy number one, you are villified and slandered to anyone who will listen. You remember your pillow talk, what you thought was great communication, tenderness and intimacy..well! Wake up and smell the vindictiveness, that wasn't muskrat love, it was a year, 10 years, a month, 30 years of information gathering just in case ... the N will rewind his or her tape and playback your most intimate secret and turn it into a weapon of mass destruction..you're cooked!
Ns by some miracle, and it has happened, do occasionally seek professional help..one hopes it's for the right reason that is that they know they are Ns, and not a bogus life crisis for which they're seeking a quick fix! I have read some articles of reformed Ns, but the one's i've read about have no family, no lover/wife/partner, they've lost it all. I guess that would qualify as the bottom of the barrel for them. I have yet to hear of anyone man or woman saving his or her N from themselves.
When you've been burned by Ns all your life and when your existence has been poisoned by such individuals you never want to have anything to do with them again, especially after having wasted a good two thirds of it trying to understand them and make them better. It is a waste of time. People have lives that need to be filled they are not gas tanks waiting to be emptied by the worst of the worst, who to me have proven to be Ns with all their co-morbid and sordid other pathologies.
Good luck, I really don't mean to burst your bubble but I can't believe your post, are you serious or are you being facetious?
Nic
