Reaction to birthdays?

[dollbaby24]

just wanted to ask everyone, how do you react/regard birthdays? Today is mine, and as per usual on this day every year, i'm not feeling so great...kind of cant really get past my mother's voice in my head telling me that I do not deserve to have a birthday <celebration>...guess i just need to hear some perspectives from other people....

[pennyplant]

Well, happy birthday anyway, DB!  Maybe we can help you take it back.

That said, I do tend to feel like I don't want all that attention.  The getting older part doesn't seem all that real to me so I don't think that is why I'm kind of unmoved by them since growing up.  It is the extra stuff to do, to receive, the pressure of having to like what I receive.  My mother adds an element of work to it all on her own since she moved back to this area.  "When are we going to get together for you birthday?"  And neither one of us has the same day off, so it ends up taking place weeks after my birthday and it's really not necessary.  Just send me a card and I'm happy with that.  Often when she gives a gift it is something she really wanted for herself.  Eventually she just started buying multiples of certain things so she wouldn't "covet" the gifts she gave.  There are still things in my house that she gave me years ago and when she sees them she'll say, "That should have been mine, but I couldn't buy two, they only had one."  She's really into "stuff", and I'm not so much.  That's one big reason I don't like gift-giving occasions.  The stuff.  But birthdays, yes, I can see that I also have that problem with deserving it.

I was born on Father's Day so that was a little ritual with my father--we would trade cards on the years when he didn't have money to do more.  Sometimes he would pretend he couldn't remember my birthday and I used to fall for it when I was little and yell at him.  His humor was kind of dry for a young kid to understand.

This year was my second b'day/father's day weekend since he died and I thought I would be upset again, but it was okay.  So, maybe I'm entering the fond memories stage of grief, at least about that particular thing.

Americans who have their birthday on the Fourth of July sometimes grow up thinking all the fireworks are for them!  Talk about self-esteem!  I know I would never have thought such a thing if it were my birthday.  Never would have imagined myself being that important.  If I had, somebody would have made sure to correct that little misconception!

Pennyplant

PS.  Uh oh, maybe it's July 5th in Australia right now?  Which day is your b'day?

[lightofheart]

Happy, happy Birthday, DB!

Congratulations, Felicitations A-Vous, and...wish I could remember the Spanish, but Happy Birthday anyway!

imho, everybody's BD should be treated like the most special day of the year, cause for a parade, and a national holiday by at least one person in their family. A very wonderful, most special day, and so much bigger, in terms of fun, than turning a year older.

That's what I'd wish for everyone, and for you today, DB. I would like to hand you flowers, but here's a hug instead: (((DB))).

In my house, growing up, a BD meant you got to have BD cake for breakfast the day after your BD, the best treat. Also, you got to pick the restaurant for BD dinner out on the town. Mom ordered our BD cakes from a great bakery in town...even after the head baker turned senile, and baked a whole paper towel into one of my sibling's BD cakes...the whole family howled, laughing.

My BD is in dead winter, the snowiest time of year, and it turned into a joke, how many plans we had to cancel due to storms and/or power outages. If there was no power, we melted BD s'mores in the fireplace and cooked hot dogs for dinner. My only sib's BD is in winter, too, so we both had the option, if we wanted, of choosing to celebrate our half-BD instead, in the summertime.

This is what my newspaper says about people born on this date, DB:

IF TODAY IS YOUR BD You will get so much further ahead if you are positive and embrace whatever opportunity comes your way no matter how big or small. Don't let your emotions stand in the way of making the right decisions this year. Base what you do on what suits you best, not what everyone else wants. This is not the year to be a martyr. Your numbers are 1, 12, 14, 24, 39, 41.

Here's to a terrific next year for you, DB, and a most happy birthday in your heart!

LoH

[mum]

 I am so sorry your mom didn't instill this in you...that you are soooo loved, soooo deserving and the day you entered the world, it became a better place!!!
That's what everyone should feel on their birthday....that it's special because they are special.

Just before my birthday last year, I married my husband, but (long story) he stayed back east and I came back out west to finish the school year... and for my kids to do the same. So I was not with him, or my family (except my kiddos) on my birthday, and I was a little sad...but a few good friends took me out to the movies and dessert and just treated me "specially". Nothing fancy, just letting me know they were glad I was born. That's all it takes. Someone to tell us they are happy we were born.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY....I hope you felt some of that specialness today.

[Hopalong]

Hi, DB:
I just want to make a little restrained remark:
HOW DARE YOUR MOTHER MAKE YOU FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT EXISTING! WHAT A STOOOOPID, PETTY WOMAN! HOW DARE SHE NOT RECOGNIZE HOW LUCKY SHE WAS TO GIVE BIRTH! NO WONDER YOU WANT TO BE A DOLL BABY...SHE DIDN'T TREASURE YOU AS SHE SHOULD HAVE! BLAST HER!

(Ahem.)

YOU, DollBaby, are a precious baby child. This universe...this whole grand magnificent mysterious universe, is so very very glad you are here. This universe sees stars in your eyes, knows you are the very spark of life, a miracle no smaller than any other miracle. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HERE. AND TO BE HAPPY!!!!!

I'm glad you're here! We all are! A big parade...and 3-D people are too! Go find them, fill your life up with them!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Promise, next year you make joyful noises to yourself in the mirror, if that's what it takes! No more sad bdays for BD! Not one!

I'M SINGING THE SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(For real.)

Did you hear it?

Hops

[reallyME]

hi all...I"m getting ready to head to the college to take my next Psychology test, but noticed some posts here and wanted to comment:

Light of Heart, the Spanish for Happy Birthday is FELIZ CUMPLEANOS (tilde over the N), pronounced :Fay lees koomp lay on yos"

Hop, where did that "baby doll" thing come from?  It sounds like a movie I once watched with Joanne Crawford in it, called "What's the Matter with Baby Jane" (or something like that)

[Hopalong]

Hi Really,
the baby doll reference comes from DollBaby's username. DollBaby's the birthday girl here.

Hops

[mountainspring]

Happy Birthday Dollbaby

[moonlight52]

                      HAPPY BIRTHDAY               Dolllbaby          I am a Twinless Twin my twin brother passed early at 27 well after that I did not celebrate my Birthday for years now I do.because he is will me in my heart.       

     YOU ARE SPECIAL AND THIS IS YOUR DAY 

                                         LOVE ,


                                                    MOONLIGHT

[Healing&Hopeful]

Happy Birthday DollBaby... I truly hope your day is as special as you are! xxx

[dollbaby24]

Hi everyone....just wanted to say a HUGE thankyou to everyone who's replied...I am still very new to all this - even the concept of narcissism is new to me, i accidentaly stumbled across DrG's site about 3 weeks ago, and as i read through all the info, I was shaking my head, i could not believe that there is a NAME for what my mother has done for as long as I can remember...till now, the way that I dealt with things was to retreat from everyone and everything...
i thought that I had some really major, huge problems, that something was wrong with me...I never could figure out what I had done to not deserve a birthday...my mother has been pretty rotten over the years regarding my birthday...and she still is...last year, my brother (chosen one) turned 21, and i lived interstate at the time; she pressured me to drive interstate to be present for the big party she was putting on for him...that was really hard for me to do, considering that I was not allowed to have a 21st celebration   
Even when i was engaged to my now-ex partner, the wedding wasnt even going to be 'my day' so to speak - my mother insisted that my brother be allowed to be the 'wedding planner' because it was his only chance to ever be part of organising a wedding (he is gay, just to explain that comment!)....so my wedding was going to be all about them entertaining themselves with organising a wedding the way that they wanted it...i was never going to be allowed to ahve a say in anything regarding it! It was a blessing in more ways than one that I never married him!!!
At least now, I am a lot wiser to keep that day special for me and my future husband, should there ever be one!

Anyways...enough ranting...for now!

Penny, my birthday was on the 4th...i plan to visit the US on my birthday one of these days - have always wanted to see the independence day fireworks!!!


LoH, thankyou for  your message, i feel of the same opinion regarding birthdays, although for me, its sometimes hard to make such a huge deal out of other peoples birthdays, when they dont do the same for me....but i always try
I never really thought too much of metaphysical things, and star sign and the like....till now!! It has been very interesting to read some of this stuff recently, especially my numerology - i am finishing up a 9 year (removed my mother, ex partner, old job, etc!!! ) and going into my 1 year!!! YEH!!!! can't wait for it!! Have some very BIG plans!!!!

mum, I am smiling a little bit of a bittersweet smile as i type this, I did feel some of that specialness that you speak of, I  do understand all too well how you must have felt, being away from your family; i have just moved interstate with my two children, and the only person I know here right now is my mother, and she didnt bother to call/see me on my birthday, so I spent it alone, with my kids...however, a beautiful soul from the other side of the world absolutely made my day, with a simple phone call! That had me smiling for most of the day!


Hops!!!!
You are so gorgeous - there is so much light just beaming out of everything you write on this board!! Have to admit that I have been lurking, just trying to read through all the messages on this board (still wading through it!!) I do feel like giving my mother a good blasting ( every single day of my life!!!!LOL) but I have been down that path with her many many times before...doesnt get me anywhere...other than to be told that I am abusive!! So, all I can do is go find some of them 3D people and have a big party!!! Where can i send your invite to?!!?

Moon...I am very sorry to hear about your brother; it had never even occured to me that twinless twins might feel not so great on their birthday...thats a pretty important insight for me - I always looked to my MIL-to-be for my ex-partners behaviour, and how she had raised him - he never managed to get things right on my birthday in the 7 years that we were together, and of course, I looked to his mother, and reasoned that he has grown up in a family that doesnt make any kind of a deal out of birthdays...his mother had a twin brother who also died at around the same age you lost your brother...So thankyou for sharing that - I think back to all the times when I insisted on making a big deal out of her birthday, and feel bad, she doesnt talk about a lot of things, i never would have known if she felt uncomfortable at those times, so thanks again for your insight...


wow...if you are reading this, that was a bit of a novel, wasnt it!?! Thanks for listening to me rant! I'll be writing the sequel, and the prequel at a later date!