Aging N'Mom

[cat]

Storm:  you're communicating quite well. . . . don't stop!  I think the problem I'm having is the "are you kidding me" factor.  It would be so much easier not to think about it - but now I've got to waste time and energy on the nMom to do more research.  It's going to cause me to think more about her and get even more irritated!!!

But that's my issue!!  It has nothing to do with your communication : ) 

Certain Hope:  Dad seems to be doing quite well without her.  And thanks for the temperate advice.  There's no way he could have a phone in his room that she wouldn't see on her weekly visit to him.  And then he'd be nagged at. . .

Arrgggh.  Well, I think it's time to go read up on the destitute parent rules. Wah hoo. . .

[Stormchild]

Good luck, cat. I remember the shellshocked feeling I had when I realized that my home state, for all intents and purposes, was more than willing to help my Nmother rob me blind. It was terrifying.

There are things you can do, but unfortunately they all take some effort.

There've also been cases where adult children whose parents abused them during childhood successfully petitioned the court, or whatever it was called, to be 'excused' [that's not the word either] from the obligation to support their former abuser in old age merely because of a blood relationship. That's tricky, though, and depends so much on the people involved. Courts are a travesty.

Good luck. And thanks, I did feel as though I was just totally inept at the explanation for some reason.

[mudpuppy]

Courts are a travesty.

Not always. The wheels of justice grind slow but they grind exceeding fine.

mud

[Hopalong]

Hi Stormy:

If they give you a gift within a certain time of trying to qualify for Medicare, they won't qualify for Medicare because the gift will be seen as an attempt to shelter assets

I may be wrong but is this possibly about Medicaid (which requires you to "spend down your assets" first), not Medicare? That's my understanding from reading I've done as NMom has been in and out of nursing homes for stretches of PT, etc. I have never been required to pay for anything for my mother. She has Medicare, and a supplemental policy, and Social Security. If she were completely destitute, I would help...but there is Medicaid.

Hi Cat:
It's great that your mother is "by no means destitute" and I think you've found the sanest truth here:

...it is not worth it to me to even deal with it.

I agree with you!!! I am sorry for your Dad but your NMom can't prevent you from continuing to love and visit him.

Hopalong