Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

What IS normal?

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wondering:
Has anyone else wondered what normal is?  Is there even any such thing?  It appears to me that people believe that normal is however they were raised and whatever they are used to so "normal" is extremely different for each of us.

Anastasia:
You ask a bunch of people who were raised by dysfunctional parents "what is normal?"  Do you really can find the answer to that here?  There is some humor in this question, really, and your asking it here.  Do like I do:  punch the word "normal" in the address bar of your computer and see what comes up.  Then tell me.

wondering:
I'm not sure there is such a thing as a "normal" person or family.  I suspect it is only the degree of difference from whatever the average may be.  In my experience, the more normal a family appears from the outside looking in, the more they were simply hiding the truth.  The most normal looking family I ever saw from the outside turned out to be the most insane from the inside.  So my question is, has anyone actually ever SEEN a family or person they believed were "normal" - someone they knew well enough to make that decision.

phoenix:
bye

Anonymous:
a healthy family is one where everyone is listened to and listens, where everyone feels loved and accepted and where basic needs are taken care of consistently. It is a family where people are allowed to set BOUNDARIES. It is a family where everyone is SAFE.

It is the family members individual and collective OVERALL experience which makes for a healthy family. Life is hard, it is sickness, mental illness, death, poverty, accident and many other hardships.  People survive and grow after painful times as well as good times- it is the skills learned in the family which facilitate this.

Many people never learned them within their families, and need to learn as adults, which is hard. But not impossible. Albert Ellis R E B T is a useful concept.

In a relatively healthy family the narcissist is likely to feel a lot of pain and vulnerability as the members will often challenge or ignore n-behaviours. An n in a healthy family would maybe benefit from anti-depressants, and would certainly benefit from therapy, if they can find a therapist who is patient and understands narcissism and their pain. MANY DRs and therapists don't understand that narcissism is about lack of 'self' and hatred of self, not self LOVE. A therapist should not do family counselling when there is a narcissist present unless the narcissist has undergone considerable ( successful- for the family unit )  therapy already.

Many narcissists would withdraw from a healthy family, or act out even more causing the other members to recoil.

There is no 'normal' family- even within close cultural groups there can be wide disparity of belief and values. There are many undesirable often perfectly ordinary situations families have to cope with in life. In a healthy family what ever happens is worked through and everyone eventually reaches some degree of resolution.  

The 'normal' family is often about what it looks like from the outside- it might feel completely different from inside. Many apparently normal families retain their facade by ignoring terribly damaging private behaviours, example incest. In that case the abuse is compounded because additional responsibility is heaped on the child 'not to tell' and ruin the family image, what a burden to bear when personal healing does not happen unless you tell...

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