Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Unacceptable Birthday Gifts
Pat:
My husband and I both have very narcissistic and quite elderly mothers. They are both widows. I have 4 siblings and my husband is an only child. Both of our mothers have their birthdays in January. I sent my mother a couple of books that I thought she might like and my husband sent his mother flowers. (They both live 600 miles from us). When I called my mother on her birthday she said, "what kind of a book is that supposed to be, what did you send that to me for?" I started to explain why I thought she might find it interesting and then it hit me. She was somehow disappointed by what I had sent and instead of just dealing with that she did "the N thing" like, "what kind of a stupid present was that!"
A couple of days dater my husband called his mother. She informed him that she didn't want any more flowers that included containers because she didn't want them lying around the apartment. Furthermore he was, from here on in, only to send crysanthanums because they were the only flowers that lasted.
Big surprize my husband an I found each other! Wonder what we'll get them next year!
Anonymous:
My MIL (now dead) did the same thing. Complained about gifts and flowers. "Flowers die, why did you waste your money?" The solution: no more gifts, just send a card or a gift certificate. Or nothing at all. I didn't give my mother a present last birthday because she said I was "too old" for birthday gifts. Well, she's older than I am.
bunny
tayana:
My mother does the same thing. My brother bought her new clothes for Christmas, and she threw them in the top of her closet and refused to wear them because she didn't like them. If you buy her flowers she just says, "Don't waste your money on these because they just die." A potted plant gets, "Don't waste your money on this because I'll just kill it." I bought her a new blanket for her bed that she wanted, and she took it back and got the money back. Next year, I'm just giving her money. Surely she can't complain about that.
phoenix:
bye
Anastasia:
I am wondering if this oneriness is not a symptom of simply old age and nothing to do with Narcissism as so many old people get "mean" and cranky and nothing pleases them. We will be there, too, if we are lucky, that is.
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