I have the conviction that X was a narcisist. Imagine, one day he tells you he loves you. The next day he refuses to talk to you forever.
This happened twice. Both after mild criticism.
He was this scrawny, quiet kid and somehow he got my email. Then my screenname. I was dating someone else at the time. X would write me poetry. He told me to dump my boyfriend. I did eventually because the infatuation died out. X and I would talk for at least 4 hours every day. Deep conversations. I didn't want to fall for him because he was a year younger and he wasn't very goodlooking. But then, I questioned, why not? He made me feel special. He totally deserved a girlfriend. So I allowed myself to fall for him. A year later, we started dating.
The first silence lasted for a year. I tried to talk to him about not paying attention to me anymore. Playing video games instead of talking to me. When I would go visit him, he would ask me, "What are you doing here?" Then he would talk in Chinese so that I couldn't understand. Then he got mad at me for calling him. He took this criticism hard. He blocked my emails. He blocked my AIM. I told him please, it hurt. He told me...ur fine. The last thing he told me was that he wanted to smash someones head into the ground. For a year, he was my stand partner in orchestra. But he wouldn't look or speak to me. I'd hand him a piece of music and he'd face the other direction and quickly snatch it from me. Or he would throw it away.
I think it was because he listened to my Tchaikovsky violin concerto. I played it with him in my heart because I really still did love him. Indeed, it came out very moving, according to my orchestra director whose mouth was agape for the whole 20 minutes of the piece. Anyway, he came back, and he said he had forgotten what had happened. I remembered it like it was yesterday. I wanted to talk about it because I wanted to feel secure in our relationship. But he said he had forgotten. I didn't want to lose him again, so I decided I would just leave it alone though it still hurt. Somehow he made me believe that I was the psychotic one. I ended up apologizing for the first break-up even though it wasn't my fault. I told him, I wasn't sure if I could trust him because he hurt me so much before. He assured me he would never leave me again and that it hurt him, too. He said he'd stay with me forever.
I asked him why he would stay with me. He said that I was the only one he could trust. He said he didn't know exactly what love was. But he knew that I was the only one he could trust.
That left me insecure, but I let it alone.
He also made me block D. D was a my best friend at the time. He made me block him and also created a hate-
http://www.xanga.com/toughluck for D. He made me hate D, too. D thought I wrote that xanga. I told X and he just laughed. I decided I would just take the blame because D wouldn't hate me anyway.
I took the blame before too. X got carried away in a joke once. It was a sick joke. But he just signed off before anyone could discover it was him. He left me with the blame and said that no one would hate me anyway.
"Do you realize that all the people I say hi to are girls?" That bothered me, but I thought, he just wants me to think he's special.
He would get jealous if I talked to any guy, but he flirted with girls all the time. Especially H. I would glare at them and I knew he would be able to sense my discontent. However, that just made him flirt even more.
I let that go, too. I figured, he said he loved me, I should believe him.
I loved him. I loved tlaking to him for 4 hours every night on the phone. He stayed up and waited for me to finish my homework. He would walk me home. When he kissed me he looked convincingly passionate.
Then he withdrew. I asked him why one day, he had no answers. All he could say was "and your point is?" or "sure why not?" Repeatedly with a quiverring lower lip. I asked him if he still loved me. He said yes. That was enough for me. But then I asked him if he would walk to get my stuff with me. (our next class was the same) He refused. Then, he still was cold and distant.
I tried to talk to him again online. I told him that his letting Jane write in his xanga hurt me. (we had one together before) He told me, don't like it, don't read it. I told him please talk to me, it hurts. He didn't answer. He blocked me. He started obnoxious attention-seeking behavior. He flirted with my friends. He swore at me one day and told me to get away. That he didn't want this to continue and to get away.
This girl who looks like she's 30 years old though she's only a sophmore started hitting on him. Of course he reciprocated. He wants to be loved. He constantly has in his profile that he's God. He capitalizes his screenname, his xanga name, etc.
"What about me?" Mr. Y took my violin and said I could put it down in the trunk so that I wouldn't have to carry it. X asked.."What about me?"
He had this picture of feet. He said that my foot was in there. I said, no...that was someone else's. He insisted it was mine. Finally I said whatever.
I called him several times and was hurt by his response. "What now?" "I'm EATING"
He asked me for the address to one place that we were supposed to play for, and he told me "hurry up, i gotta sleep." jeez. So do I!
He still refuses to talk to me. Whenever he sees me, he turns to face the other direction. On his Xanga he says that he's in a "thousand years of pain." On his profile he says, "I've fallen in love. What should I do? It hurts so much, but I want to keep hurting."
Anybody have any idea what is going on here?
