Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Up a Creek-No paddle!

<< < (2/2)

Anonymous:
Hi QFY and guest,

After re-reading my post and noting your questions, I think that I need to get more honest with myself.  My Nmom is just part of the problem, sort of like the icing on a really crappy cake.  My husband and I built a house on an acre of land my parents gave us(boy, what a set-up..I didn't see it coming) out in the country years ago.  My husbands job demands that he travel which is what he did alone until my daughter turned 18 and I began to travel with him.  My daughter's best friend was her roomate and they stayed here at our home while we traveled.  We have kept this house as a home base because the assigments my husband is sent on range from long to short term but never a permanent move.  This past May, he was laid off, much to our sorrow as I was back around crazy mom again.  Daughter's roomate wanted to return home  so we were all back in our home.  My husband has been rehired(with huge salary increase and expenses paid) but must travel furthur away than ever.  We need this job with it's benefits as there is no opportunity in this rural area where we have our house.  He feels he has no choice but to take this job.  I would love to go and escape but the truth is, I am afraid to leave my daughter completely alone this time and be so far away.  When my father was alive, he was always here to help if she needed it but now he is gone.  So, I see that my biggest problem is one that's not relevant to this board and my apologies for not bringing that out in my post.  Of course, my Nmom is and will be a major thorn in my side if I decide to stay so I don't know how I will keep my sanity.  And there's the problem of my husband and I having a long distance marriage which is extremely difficult.  He wants me to go with him and feels that our daughter can take care of herself but he realizes also the danger and we're both not completely comfortable with it.  We have waited so long to get some freedom from my mother and I still feel like I can't leave with a good conscience.  Like my mom told me.."you're stuck!"
Thanks for your replies.  QFY..your post did help me.  If I should decide to move, your suggestions are very good and I will take them into consideration.
Carrie

Carrie Anne:
Oops,,,forgot to log in my name in the above post.

Carrie

Anonymous:
Carrie,

Thanks for clarifying. Here's my feedback. Your marriage comes first. Your daughter is old enough to live at a distance. Many, if not most, 19 year olds are in college away from home. When I was 19, I lived at college and not with my parents. I was extremely immature at the time yet I was able to do it. In fact, it was good for me. You may want to look at the deeper reasons you are unwilling to leave your mother and daughter. Your daughter needs to separate at some point. This may be it.

bunny

rosencrantz:
Absolutely, totally!  Go with your husband and live your marriage at long last.  Child wants and needs independence (and if you don't 'give' it now, she'll be taking it for herself sooner or later).

Mother is a grown up and if YOU know how to look after yourself, then you know that grown ups can look after themselves - even narcissistic mothers!!!

There may be problems but you can find solutions, however imperfect.

Remember that narcissistic parents are addictive and we children end up pretty masochistic.  Challenge : are you staying because you are co-dependent and/or afraid to test out full-time marriage???

You're bright and you deserve a life!  Go get!!  ;-)
R

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[*] Previous page