Bait and Switch Defined

[reallyME]

A bait and switch is a form of fraud in which the fraudster lures in customers by advertising a good at an unprofitably low price, then reveals to potential customers that the advertised good is not available but that a substitute good is. The goal of the bait-and-switch is to convince some buyers to purchase the substitute good as a means of avoiding disappointment over not getting the bait, or as a way to recover sunk costs expended to try to obtain the bait. It suggests that the seller will not show the original product or product advertised but instead will demonstrate a more expensive product.

this is in advertisement, but in relationships, it involves telling someone something to look forward to or be happy about and then giving them something LESS than what was promised them or shown them.

For example, telling someone "I want you for a friend, I trust you, we will have fun together"  then, going in public and telling everyone what a jerk the person was and how they stalked you.  THAT is bait n switch...earn trust and then CRUCIFY.  IT IS CRUEL, I HAVE BEEN TARGET OF IT ON THIS BOARD AND I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH IT, PERIOD.

[penelope]

reallyme,

calm down.  I was not trying to bait and switch you.  I'm sorry.  truly.

If you would allow yourself to calm down and explain - rationally - what you're thinking and feeling, I believe we could get to the bottom of this.

Here's my point of view:
1)  No where did I imply I wanted to be your friend in the last 2 days
2)  I have asked if there's anyway you could consider toning down your posts to/about me - hey, I'm allowed to ask right?
3) now that I understand that bait and switch is your trigger, I will definetely be very careful about my words.  I will not "Advertise" what I can't deliver.  I can try to not make you feel bad.  But, WHAT IS IT I'M DOING THAT IS MAKING YOU FEEL BAD AND THUS YOU'RE IN TURN REACTING TO ME IN HATE?

I think that's the key, otherwise, I can't just stop being myself.  It's not obvious, in other words, what I'm doing to you.  So please.  Be specific and Tell me.  k?

pb

[reallyME]

Penelope, you were right, in another post on here, when you said that maybe you were doing things without even realizing it.  That is exactly IT...you can't seem to see what you do regarding communication on here with me...but don't worry, I haven't noticed anyone else who does either, other than Certain Hope, and she only got the tip of the iceberg.

calm down.  I was not trying to bait and switch you.  I'm sorry.  truly.

I FORGIVE YOU.

If you would allow yourself to calm down and explain - rationally - what you're thinking and feeling, I believe we could get to the bottom of this.

I doubt that because I'm not sure there is a way to explain rationally about something that is totally irrational.

Here's my point of view:
1)  No where did I imply I wanted to be your friend in the last 2 days

Ah we're back to this...I can recall this being used a while back with me.  You insisting that I must have you for a friend, then turning on me after that.  Why do you see being a friend to you as such a prize?  Why do you assume everyone wants to be your friend?  Why do you have a need for it in the first place? 

2)  I have asked if there's anyway you could consider toning down your posts to/about me - hey, I'm allowed to ask right?

Yep, and I'm allowed to keep speaking truth and pointing out behaviors that are unhealthy toward me.

3) now that I understand that bait and switch is your trigger, I will definetely be very careful about my words.  I will not "Advertise" what I can't deliver.  I can try to not make you feel bad.  But, WHAT IS IT I'M DOING THAT IS MAKING YOU FEEL BAD AND THUS YOU'RE IN TURN REACTING TO ME IN HATE?

I do not hate you.  Those words never came out of my keyboard.  I don't hate people, even if they do have emotional/psychological issues.  Some people cannot help what they do, because they cannot see what they do.  That is how I view you. It's sort of a robotic thing for an adult-child of abuse, to continue the same cycles that are natural to them.  I understand this.

I think that's the key, otherwise, I can't just stop being myself.  It's not obvious, in other words, what I'm doing to you.  So please.  Be specific and Tell me.  k?

I'm beginning to see that "being myself" is even sometimes an excuse that people hide behind in order to not have to truly change.

Ok, I would like to have saved all your posts from here, but basically this is what goes on:

I post something contrary to your view, and you begin confronting me  (nothing wrong with this part)

Then, when I refuse to bend to your way of thinkiing, the accusations start, about me harassing you and making your life difficult (which, half the time, my comments are general and not addressed to you in the first place)

If that doesn't work to break me, I get accused of thinking I'm better than everyone else

Then, other people are dragged in...the person I gave my phone number to, which again, was MY RIGHT to do, since it's my number.

If that fails, then it's "I never said I wanted to be your friend" as if not having you for a friend is some sort of punishment/reward system.  Newsflash...everyone is not wanting to be anyone's friend in life.

Now, in between all these things, people are rallied up in private messages to become against me...so by the time all is said and done, there is not one person on this board who even SEES what was done...flip flopping of messages, robotic communication tactics, gaslighting, projecting, etc....

it's all ok, because I know who I am and what I am and what others portray themselves to be.  I'm glad people are getting help and I'm not taking their stuff on me.  That's where it's at.

~Laura

P.S>  by the way, if I had said specifically that BEAN did these things, the next tactic would be enforced...and that would be where I'm accused of "judging" even after you gave the invitation for me to address specific things about what was offensive to me:

I think that's the key, otherwise, I can't just stop being myself.  It's not obvious, in other words, what I'm doing to you.  So please. Be specific and Tell me.  k?

Remember for future reference:  Do not ask if you really don't want to know...especially regarding me.  I will TELL you everytime.  People do not intimidate me and I am well-able to stand.

[Certain Hope]

RM,

   I don't know which iceberg tip it is that you think I see... there are so many to choose from. If you are interested in knowing what it is I actually do see, it's pretty much the same as Hops expressed on the Reciprocity thread.

   Re: your "right" to give YOUR phone # to anyone you choose... this has been bothering me since I first read of it, so I'm going to address it. Yes, you certainly "can" do as you please, but it would be more considerate, I think, to ask permission first ...  for example, "May I share my phone # with you?"  To ask for permission is a polite, courteous method of preventing such misunderstandings as the one you've just encountered with Sugarre. It acknowledges that other people may not feel as you do, that they are individuals and that's ok. It shows that you care about somebody besides yourself enough to consider their desires.
Just because we "can" do something doesn't mean we should, nor does it mean that the other person won't feel violated. You can exercise your individual rights all over the place, but people are not likely to respond too well if you don't at least offer them an opportunity to refuse your "help".  I hope you'll consider what I'm saying, because I think it would really simplify your relations with others in this setting to tread a bit more gently.

Hope

[penelope]

reallyme -

thanks, that really helps to see it from your perspective.  I'm sorry that some of what you've described was taken the way it was as it was not intended. 

pb