Feel Put Down? Read This about Forgiveness.

[Anastasia]

Just read the book "The Sunflower" by Simon Wiesenthal.  Great book in which the entire subject is one of forgiveness and how to handle it.
The book has essays by over 50 religious folks, philosophers, teachers and so forth who give their opinions on a situation Weisenthal encountered in WWII while in a concentration camp; and these essays center on the subject of forgiveness.
Anyway, I particularly liked the one by Harold S. Kushner (I am pretty sure he wrote "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" years ago). 
This is what Kushner responds to Weisenthal's question of how he would have handled the situation when a Nazi asked to be forgiven for his sins to the Jews.  Why I loved his reponse is because it makes so much sense that you could paraphrase it and take it for your own.  Kushner answered:


"What you did was thoroughly despicable and puts you outside the category of decent human beings.  But I refuse to give you the power to define me as a victim.  I refuse to let your blind hatred define the shape and content of my Jewishness.  I don't hate you; I reject you.
And then the Nazi would remain chained ot his past and to his conscience, but the Jew would be free."

Okay, I am not Jewish nor in a concentration camp, but the basic idea of his response to those who are CRUEL to us is right on to me.  I just loved this piece as I can fit the basic idea to fit my own needs to reject someone who has treated me with no respect or regard.  Don't waste energy hating them, but reject them.
Hope someone else can use this besides me, and hope it helps.
Peace.

[moonlight52]

Anastasia ,

This sounds like a great book to read .The part I like was "But I refuse to give you the power to define me as a victim."

Anyone that has suffered emotionally as a child or adult by abuse first must reclaim his or her own power.

These words just shine for me.

Thank you Anatasia

Moon

[Hopalong]

Hi Anastasia,

I am curious about the Nazi. Do you recall what changed in him or inspired him to care enough about what he'd done to ask for forgiveness?

Weisenthal carries the grief of the generation in his face.

Hops

[penelope]

That's where that nice polycarbonate see-through but impervious boundary surrounding me comes in - hatred, cruelty, pain *doink*  just bounces off... yes, rejected.   


i like

[moonlight52]

Hi Penelope ,

I have found that my polycarbonate see-through but impervious boundary surrounding me has also done wonders for my complextion.

 Moon 

[Anastasia]

To answer the question about the Nazi and why he cared all of a sudden.  He had been hurt mortally in WWII, he was dying.  This was his last attempt to attain forgiveness from a Jew for the hurtful things he had seen and done to them.  He knew he was dying.  He was only like 23.  He felt tortured by the cruelty he saw and inflicted.  He wanted to say sorry to some Jew, any Jew.  His guilt was overwhelming, and he wanted to explain the why of his reason he joined the Nazi Party and played along.  You can understand his position.
Weisenthal just walked out after the Nazi finished speaking.  But seemed to bother him still as he didn't know if he should have said something to the Nazi, cussed him out or forgiven him.  His question was:  what should I have done?  Did I do the right thing? 
Personally, I think he did the right thing by just getting up and walking out.  This left the guilt with the Nazi, but Weisenthal showed his humanity and compassion by even listening to the Nazi.  Compassion is tougher than cruelty any day.
This book was my son's for a pre-law class, and he suggested I read it.  Very fast and easy reading. 
I was very interested in forgiveness from my own horrid, cold, harsh treatment in childhood, so I was particularly interested in the subject.  Glad I read it as had lots of interesting tidbits.
But I gave you folks my favorite comment to enjoy, so hope those of you who read it got the same thing I did out of it.
Worth reading, and surely you can get the book from your local library.

Anastasia

Anastasia

[Sela]

Hi Anastasia:

That does sound like an interesting book.  I guess that is something that someone who is finding it impossible to forgive might choose.  Not really a stepping stone toward forgiveness though, is it?

To me, rejecting someone who is feeling guilt and showing remorse like that.....rejecting the person.....is not something I think I would like to do very comfortably.  It's their behaviour I think I would choose to reject, not them.  If the person is expressing feelings of guilt and remorse,  that is behaviour I want to encourage.  They're no longer flaunting and bragging.  They're reflecting and hurting.  Guit is painful, isn't it?

Ofcourse, that's easy for me to say because I've not been a Jew in a consentration camp eh?  My experience is that I have been abused though and for me there has been a great struggle to forgive.  Once I have been able to truly feel that forgiveness in my heart, that's when true freedom has come for me.

Freedom from negative thoughts and feelings toward those individuals (not their behaviour, but them).

I know that probably sounds a bit weird.  It's just what helps me.  To me, rejection carried in my heart would feel something close to revenge.  Sort of a passive agressive type of revenge??   You hurt me.  Now you're feeling bad.  I'll reject you and you can just keep on feeling bad.  I hope.

I have also had the experience of giving a sincere apology which has been rejected.   I know the hurt that caused me and it's what makes the idea of rejecting people less appealing to me, than forgiving them.  Forgiving is harder, no doubt, but in the end, it gives the most freedom, I think.

Maybe if forgiveness seems impossible or not something one is ready for.....maybe rejecting the abuser's behaviour would be a step toward forgiving.

 "I reject your behaviour and I'm not ready to forgive you yet" clearly states this.  It's honest too.  I don't know.  Who always thinks of the right thing to say?  Not me, that's for sure.

  Sela