Dealing with abusive/controlling folk

[Jackie45]

The way to win is not to play(their game)

That is the wisdom.

Therein lies the power.


Jackie.

[reallyME]

I disagree.

The way to win is to "know your enemy" and become a worthy opponent, if they choose to remain so.

[Certain Hope]

I have never understood the philosophy that says, "Keep your enemies close to you".

I guess the theory is ... that way you can keep an eye on them?  Never made sense to me.

Hope

[Portia]

I still don’t think I have any enemies!

Someone pointed out to me (in 3D life) that others may be envious of me for just being me, therefore I have enemies that I don’t know about.

Shocking stuff. I could be hated simply for my gender, the colour of my skin, my education, where I live….etc.

Do I have to hate those who hate me? Or maybe I should simply be aware of their hate and protect myself accordingly.


Jackie, re: abusive people, it depends what you mean by abusive.

If someone is beating up my kids in front of my eyes, I think I’m going to play their game and jab their eyes out.

With controlling folk, well, just refuse to be controlled. Say ‘No’!

Wisdom I like, power I’m not sure. Personal power is fine, but power over others? Not sure what you meant there.


Hope,

yes, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” – glamourised Mafia type-stuff, nonsense. I guess being aware of those who wish to  harm you is good, but keeping them close so you can kill them? Primitive stuff that Hollywood would have us think is kewl.

[WRITE]

The way to win

what about all the no-win situations?
In fact just having someone 'toxic' in your close environment and pschic space is a no-win situation.

know your enemy

I don't have any enemies. Why would I make or keep enemies?

become a worthy opponent

Why fight? What will it achieve by doing battle if I cannot get there by negotiated love and reason?

if they choose to remain so.

They choose?
I can choose for myself.

There's a story of a wise man inviting his pupil to tea. He prepares delicious tea and sets it in front of him with a smile, takes a stick and holds it over the pupil saying 'I will beat you if you drink my tea, I will beat you if you just sit there and look at my tea'. What can the pupil do?
If you ask a group of children what might the pupil do, they will come up with all kinds of solutions: grab the stick, beat the master back, plead with him, drink half the tea...

The answer is for the pupil to get up and politely leave the master's place.

[reallyME]

The way to win

what about all the no-win situations?

Only a no-win, if I, within myself feel defeated.  My opinion.

In fact just having someone 'toxic' in your close environment and pschic space is a no-win situation.

Hence why often it is needed to get OUT of such a situation when you can.

know your enemy

I don't have any enemies. Why would I make or keep enemies?

I do.  Jesus did, many did.

become a worthy opponent

Why fight? What will it achieve by doing battle if I cannot get there by negotiated love and reason?

I do what I gotta.

if they choose to remain so.

They choose?
I can choose for myself.

yes they do.

There's a story of a wise man inviting his pupil to tea. He prepares delicious tea and sets it in front of him with a smile, takes a stick and holds it over the pupil saying 'I will beat you if you drink my tea, I will beat you if you just sit there and look at my tea'. What can the pupil do?
If you ask a group of children what might the pupil do, they will come up with all kinds of solutions: grab the stick, beat the master back, plead with him, drink half the tea...

The answer is for the pupil to get up and politely leave the master's place.

I've heard this story before.  I like it. Thanks for sharing it.  There sometimes is a time to walk away too.  I agree.