Recently, I read that the average size adult, if broken down to water, chemical and mineral components is worth about $14 US. At the time it seemed so funny. But something worked away at a deeper level. If that's our physical value, then what's our metaphysical value. What are we worth? Do we perceive/regard our value to be what we perceive other's perceive/regard our value to be? The person with NPD certiainly operates this way we, the 'victims of N's' operate this way as well.
It's said that person with NPD was somehow 'damaged' in their development as a child, and the same thing is said about the 'victims of N's' as well. So theoretically, that makes us different sides of the same coin.
Everyone has narcissistic traits to some degree, but it becomes a disorder when the person systematically violates others human rights in recognisable pattern.
This is an extremely delicate reality/aspect of life. The person with NPD has a certain set of values, well one value really,'ME". Or 'WIIFM', what's in it for me. The person who's always been the 'victim' has a set of value's too, 'ME' and 'WIIFM'.
We respond to N's, phone them, remember their birthdays, send them flowers, meet their needs, take them back etc. Why? Because we want them to love us. Why, because we place a value on them. And then, if they are emotionally incapable of responding the way we want them to, we feel worthless. So actually it's about us, and how they 'make' us feel! And if they don't love us, we perceive we have no, or have lost our, value. But that is a false perception.
Just because they don't recognise or respect our value, doesn't mean that our value doesn't exist.
If we accept/believe what they project, then we are interpreting our sense of self-worth, our value from others, just like the N. And then we get hurt, react, run away, retaliate, drink, drug etc, and then we reflect back what we perceive they projected. An ugliness.
We 'victims' can express serious 'N traits' too, but it is often in a giving way, and not a taking way like the person with NPD. Yin & Yang.
It's very interesting to read about bullying in primary schools. Not all children are bullies. And interestingly, not all children are affected by bullies. Bullies are random, until they find the weak ones and then they target them. Something in the bullied child made the child susceptible to being bullied. Often bullied children don't speak up. And unfortunately if you ever have to help a child through a period where they are being bullied, it usually comes down to exremely fundamental flaws in their early development stage, which unfortunately eventually connected with what they perceive they are worth, their value. Same goes for the bully. A common characteristic is that they themselves have usually been bullied.
Maybe one day the evidence will show that bullies are just little people showing early signs of NPD. It wouldn't be a surprise to learn that children who bully now, if untreated, will grow up to be adults with NPD. But it's too easy to get paranoid and see one under every rock.
If we begin to recognise and appreciate our own value, realistically we all have so much to offer. The amount of insight on this board is a good example.
We are of significant value and worth, each one of us. More even than the fanciest of cars you could imagine. How would you take care of that if you owned it. And you own something far more valuable, you own you. You are your own private property.
If you don't believe you're worth a therapist's time, you most definitely are, therapy is simply their occupation, this is about your quality of life.
If you think your opinions are worthless, they're not, they're yours.
If you feel neglected or have neglected yourself, put a stop to it, take care of yourself, you are your own responsibility.
If you feel you need to change your life, you can, it's your life and right, and you're worth it.
If you think you can't survive, you can, you have to, there's only one you.
TTFN (Ilove Tigger, He's so N in some way)
Take care of yourself
pp
