Hi
This is another of those simple (but not necessarily easy) lists of helpful tips for getting on the road toward healing.
One thing I've noticed lately is that some of the regrets which I thought I'd released have returned to haunt me. This has kinda snuck up on me as recently I've come to recognize a depth of damage previously unseen... not only that which was brought on me by others, but how it all has affected my own children and family. Even before my three years with N and my heavy drinking during that time, I was under the influence ... under the influence of my family of origin and the defense mechanisms under which I'd operated for so long, they'd become second nature. The full impact of all that is really only just now beginning to sink in, so regrets are many.
Also, I want to tell the members here that I don't want you to feel like you must respond to these threads I start, as though I'll be hurt if nobody does ... that's not my reason for doing this. I know that everyone has plenty of other things to do and to read (I know I do!)and I don't post these things with the idea of trying to get people to say, "Yeah, that helped, thanks!" I mean, it's cool if you want to
but not necessary. Just felt like saying that because it might ease someone's mind. Lord knows there's enough guilt and shame in this world without feeling like somebody on a message board is demanding your attention and you'd better show it or you'll be held in contempt. If this info registers with someone and they have one of those aha moments, that's wonderful! For me, it often takes a good long while of sifting and sorting and could be days or weeks later before the light comes on... then I remember something I read here and it all clicks. However it works for you all, I'm just glad to be here and sharing this stuff makes me feel not so isolated.
Love to all,
Hope
Letting Go Of Regret
Living with regret is like walking through life dragging a heavy ball and chain around your ankle – it will do nothing but slow you down. Regrets keep you focused on the past, which robs you of the present and tricks you into believing there is no future.
The tips below will help you take another step toward freeing yourself from the weight of regret and begin moving forward again.
Relate Well!
Todd E. Linaman, Ph.D.
1. Accept the past, no matter how you feel about it. Remind yourself that feeling guilty can’t change what has happened and dwelling on it won’t keep you from making future mistakes.
2. Admit to yourself that you aren’t perfect and that mistakes, even big ones, are a normal part of life. Forgive yourself and move forward. Remember that new successes help fade the memories of past failures.
3. Whenever possible, make reparation, or in other words, do what you can to make it right. If it requires an apology, apologize. Sometimes circumstances prevent you from making amends and you need to work on accepting that fact.
4. Redeem the experience by identifying what you learned from your mistake. Experiences, even negative ones, are what often prevent you from repeating self-defeating behaviors.
5. Stop living according to the standards that others may have imposed upon you. Identify, and be true to, your own values, dreams and interests.
6. Let go of the things you believe you have lost or will never have because of your mistakes and focus instead on the new possibilities the future holds in store for you.
7. Remind yourself that your past does not have to determine or define your present or future. Although your decisions can carry irreversible consequences, every day brings new opportunities for making good decisions.
