Hi Shanny,
Maybe it would help to think of yourself as the friend of your husband's search for good health.
The addiction is his enemy and he knows that, I'm sure. He really does.
When I was drinking, I knew that my husband didn't like it, but he never withheld love from me because of it. He didn't gripe and complain... he just prayed for me and loved me. I don't know whether I could have quit without that support. Because of it, I was able to hold myself accountable. His constancy made me want to quit, because I knew that the alcohol was ruling over me and I didn't want anything to come between us. I am not saying that your husband is guaranteed success in his efforts, but you know that they absolutely must be his own efforts, based on his own desire to be well and whole. Also, I was angry with my husband during the end days of my drinking... not because he made an issue of it, but simply because I knew he'd be so happy if I quit.
But I couldn't let myself get away with trying to blame him. I believe that God intervened with that... even though I actually remember wishing he would pitch a fit about it so I could get really angry. It doesn't make sense, but you know how that works... and honestly, if he'd given me any excuse to keep drinking by giving me a hard time about it, I may have not quit!
I know that you have alot more strength than you might realize... to let him grow up and stand on his own 2 feet.
From what you've said, he sounds quite serious about it. And you know that you are not alone in this struggle, not ever.
I didn't think to ask you the first time you posted... Are you safe to stay there in the home while he fights his battle? Has he physically injured you, Shanny? You do know that if that's the case, you can and should leave the home until it's safe to be there.
I hope you'll keep in touch here and let us know how you're doing. Always ready to listen.
With love,
Hope
P.S. on edit:
``Letting Go''
To ``let go'' does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To ``let go'' is not to cut myself off.
It's the realization I can't control another.
To ``let go'' is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To ``let go'' is to admit powerlessness
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To ``let go'' is not to try to change or blame another.
It's to make the most of myself.
To ``let go'' is not to care for, but to care about.
To ``let go'' is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To ``let go'' is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To ``let go'' is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To ``let go'' is not to be protective.
It's to permit another to face reality.
To ``let go'' is not to deny, but to accept.
To ``let go'' is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To ``let go'' is not to criticize and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To ``let go'' is not to adjust everything to my desires
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To ``let go'' is to not regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To ``let go'' is to fear less and LOVE MYSELF MORE
Lots more re: detachment at this site:
http://www.coping.org/control/detach.htm
