I was wondering how many people have felt that their life has improved after working on abuse issues ?
And how many feel that no matter what abuse can never be healed and those that say they have improvement are in denial?
I am asking because I believe I have had improvement in my life and I rely on my husband and doctor to tell me what they see.
Also I am asking because of the kindness of the hearts of the people here I know I can trust.
It really depends on what you mean by healing.
If you mean, can you ever be who you would have been without the abuse, then I think no. Neither can we ever go back to being the person we once were, before all this happened. In my case that person is impossible to reconstruct, because an Nmum is the most damaging of all, I think. Fortunately for me, I had an older brother, who probably saved what there is of me that is whole today, all those years ago, for me to build on.
But to me, healing is something other than this. The Oracle at Delphi had an inscription over the door, which read "Know thyself" and I think when we go for t, what we are doing is the same as the ancients who went to Delphi. We are seeking to learn something of ourselves, and with each piece of knowledge, comes a small piece of our healing.
In a good t situation, what is healed is denial, ignorance (in the sense of not being aware) and boundary weakness. The perps lose their power when we learn what weapons they use, and how they use them. We gain knowledge, while they keep on using the same old tactics, which no longer work.
I think the Buddhists are right when they work towards detachment. Each one of us has been caught in a massive spider's web, some of us from the day we were born. T helps us to cut the strings one by one. If we still see the Ns, they carry on weaving, and trying to trap us again, but if we are strong, the glue on their web no longer sticks to us. Bit by bit, we cut ourselves free. And true recovery, I think, is when we stand apart from the spider's web, and can look at it and no longer feel drawn to it as safe and comfortable. The N wants us all to remain alive, but stuck, so that they can suck our life from us, as a spider does with a fly.
Sorry for the rather jucky image.
Anyway, healing is being detached, and it happens slowly. And I would also say, the best people to help us achieve this healing are those who have very powerful spiders web cutting strategies of their own, and who are happy to lend them to us. People here, that is.
As an alternative image, think of the potential of anyone's life being a piece of fine cloth, ready to make into a garment. The N comes along, and destroys that cloth, primarily because of jealousy. Then what we do in t is say, ok, the fine cloth can no longer be reconstructed, but neither can this valuable resource be thrown away. So we can either make a mishmash, which is survival of the most basic kind, or we can find someone who is skilled in psychology, and work towards finding some patterns, and make the most intricate, most beautiful work of art that anyone has ever seen. Maybe it is a tapestry, or maybe a patchwork quilt. But piece by piece, and bit by bit, we create something unique, and something beautiful, from the ravages of the N scissors.
The reason you cannot see it yet, moonlight, is that you are working from the back of the quilt. When you hold it up, all you see is stiches, and seams, and bits of thread sticking out. But what other people see is a gradually building whole, with light and shade, beauty and warmth. Lots of warmth. And when it is finished, it will be big enough to wrap around the whole world.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))
