You got it Hops, that makes sense.
Hope
The something about ownership may be a matter of "Oh, so NOW I've finally lived up to your standard?!? And what makes you think YOU can define what's right/good/proper/pride-worthy for me??!"Nice way to put it, i like it because it makes me think, thanks! I'm not too bothered about other people's standards, it's my
independence being threatened i think. If someone patronises or otherwise puts me down, say at work, I tend to be silent and still and just stare. With "I'm so proud of you" I tend to think: 'and what exactly did you have to do with it?'. It reminds me of something I read. A successful author told her friend she was going to visit some foreign countries (for research) and her friend said "oh you're so LUCKY to be able to do that!" and the author wrote - it's not luck, i worked hard and choose to do this and have made it happen. By saying 'you're lucky' to someone in those circumstances you're ignoring their personal agency/responsibility/accomplishments....kind of stripping them of what is rightfully theirs. It's like what Beth was saying about her mother, implying that Beth is successful because she's either lucky or someone is being 'kind' to her or whatnot.
I'm big on personal rights (legal) and everyone's responsibility for themselves. When i get a whiff of that being threatened or diminished, i guess that's what i respond to, inside - and the 'proud of' thing goes that way too - it diminishes someone as a person. I was severely diminised at home so I know where it comes from and I know sometimes that
what my brain says in response isn't 'reality'....that's why in the 3D world i tend to stay silent and just stare. Otherwise it might come out of my mouth and I'd have to say "Oooops! Usually I just think that stuff!!"
I see what your H means about "No problem". Makes me think about me saying 'no worries' but I hope folks know I mean 'please don't worry, it's not a worry for me and I don't want you to worry'.
Words! Intentions.
