Good news on treatment

[Plucky]

Hi October,
Hang in there!
I agree with Hoppy. You need to speak up.  What he said to you, if he had said it to a person who had not been abused the way you have, would not have had such a negative effect.  Yes, he ought to know better.  On the other hand, you know yourself and what you need better than anyone, and why not say so to those who are until now clueless!

Yes, it may not be fair.  Yes, he might be all wrong.  The important thing is to catch the ball you're thrown and run with it.  In this case?   Tell him that you are very sensitive to being leaned on due to your past and he will need to trust you that he ought not make requests from you, you feel it too much as a burden, or rather, use Hoppy's words, they are better.
Good luck
Plucky

[October]

?? Would he freak out or would he go, I'm sorry, you're right, back to you...? All depends who he is, how good his intentions are, I guess. I hope they're good and he was just slipping. They're human.

Lol!! It is a long story, but to summarise, this doctor is the replacement one.  The former one used aggressive language to me in a session, and I made a formal complaint against him, which was upheld as far as it went, but no formal action was ever taken against him.  Both the original and this one know that I am strong enough not to put up with inappropriate behaviour of this kind.

But when it comes down to it, the freeze response takes over, and I can do nothing at all.  Just sit there with a stupid smile, feeling like alice in wonderland, and thinking somewhere deep inside how bizarre it is that this happens over and over.

Should be free of this doc soon, when the referral comes through, so what is the point banging my head on the brick wall that is complaining about a professional, from outside a very closed system.

Not very strong at present, so not posting much, but thanks to all for your support.  I am not able to say how much it all means, but it is a lot.

[October]

Hi October,
Hang in there!
I agree with Hoppy. You need to speak up.  What he said to you, if he had said it to a person who had not been abused the way you have, would not have had such a negative effect.  Yes, he ought to know better.  On the other hand, you know yourself and what you need better than anyone, and why not say so to those who are until now clueless!

Yes, it may not be fair.  Yes, he might be all wrong.  The important thing is to catch the ball you're thrown and run with it.  In this case?   Tell him that you are very sensitive to being leaned on due to your past and he will need to trust you that he ought not make requests from you, you feel it too much as a burden, or rather, use Hoppy's words, they are better.
Good luck
Plucky

Ptsd causes freeze or flight.  With me freeze predominates.  Those words are all inside (or similar ones) but they cannot get out.   

Then after the freeze comes the dissociation. 

[Hopalong]

((((((((October))))))))))))

No need to reply here if you're not up to it, but just one more thought:
If freezing in the moment is an issue, you could write a simple letter about your need for the T not to disclose through remarks about his own life.

It wouldn't have to be terribly confrontational, but writing's a way to speak when the physical voice is temporarily hushed.

I'm so sorry you have PTSD.

Hops

[October]

((((((((October))))))))))))

No need to reply here if you're not up to it, but just one more thought:
If freezing in the moment is an issue, you could write a simple letter about your need for the T not to disclose through remarks about his own life.

It wouldn't have to be terribly confrontational, but writing's a way to speak when the physical voice is temporarily hushed.

I'm so sorry you have PTSD.

Hops

Thanks, Hops.  Yes, I can still write, sometimes.  Sometimes that works.