Make it all go away!

[penelope]

hi write,

love is strange in that we really have little to no confidence in it until "it" happens to us...until we meet someone truly capable of loving us.

You are lovable, of course you are, as you're human.  It breaks my heart a little to hear you describe yourself as those projections your mother placed on you!  Baloney!  (I also see a lot of myself in your descriptions and wonder if I'm BP?  --not that that would be a bad thing - just enlightening)

I think you're describing very human emotions and conditions, not anything that is the result of your BP?  You may be more honest and in touch with these feelings than most...

I often did not have confidence that I was lovable until it happened.  Funny thing is, even though we fight and I still feel unlovable, there is always someone there that loves me.

It took a lot of searching to find this person that's all.  It is by no means a sign you're unlovable if it takes you awhile (a few years or decades is probably normal!)


hugs,
bean

[moonlight52]

Write ,

The description of what you feel is just that feelings .Your wonderful outlook with all the variations .The bipolar only extends the highs and lows
I hope I am not mistaken all people have highs and lows just with bipolar these feelings can be so extreme thats all.

And the sleep thing that really can really get me off balance (sad or overly optimistic ).Everyone needs sleep.I know I could stay up clean house or more likely read books lots and lots of books.

But now on my medicine my sleep pattern is better.AWWWWWWWWWWWW Write I wanted to be a nun when I was a kid I think there was a movie with Audrey Hepburn as a nun just looked DREAMY as a kid helping people ,being with kind people (this was my thinking as a child),being in prayer and of course when I wanted to be a nun I was about 11 I did think the habit was cool but most of all any one remember the flying nun? Sally Field boy did I want to be a flying nun.

But the sixties happened and the nun flew out the window.   

bean said all 

These are very human emotions.
I have only recently felt loveable.
Now I am trying to accept life and be  here and now with no expectations .(that is what Hops said and its a good combo)

Love to you Write and the sweetest of Dreams to you.
Thank you for all I have learned from you and the Dearest of feelings I feel when I read your posts.

moon

[WRITE]

the nun flew out the window.

great image to begin Saturday with!

Thank you so much for your kind words Moon, Bean, Hop, Laura , P.

I guess this is really positive even though it feels so uncomfortable: I am 'sitting with my feelings' and working and parenting and this week I did a painting ( a bad painting, but I enjoyed doing it! )

It feels bad- on and off- but I am not responding by doing anything bad, which for me is usually self-destructive or a cycle of agitation.

In fact I haven't even needed meds, I'm even sleeping 6 hours a night- you're right Moon, very important is sleep pattern.

So although I'm not where I feel I need to be, I suppose I have to be able to cope with all this in order to get into the relationship I want?

I mean, it's a risk isn't it a new relationship, and I'm probably going to have to be vulnerable a few times before I find the special person y'all are talking about, and certainly vulnerable to let them love me.

And discerning and holding back and not filling the gaps in the relationship with me or my imagination...

One thing I have done practically this week is seek out people who want to be around me, and spent some quality time with them.

Something I read about tuning out healthy relationships and focussing on negative ones resonated last week. I need to be more appreciative and reciprocal myself with those people who give to me who are good strong people themselves.

Really glad you found this lovely relationship Laura, good friends are worth their weight in gold!

I read earlier A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

Well I certainly showed that to my friends in recent years and months....

Laughter is a precious vibrant thing- whenever I am in pain I always seek after humour and let the self-love in it send out its wonderful ripples....