pshyc. eval in - gutwrenching for me.

[movinon]

Well,

The eval is done and nothing has changed.  It's taken me a week to be able to pull myself up enough to post.  Nothing has changed.  She's recommending joint custody with extended st. visitation for him.  It seems like the system won't do anything until he has actaully molested her or unless I have a trail of police records to the d.v.

The report did peg him as having narccisistic qualities !!!!, being controlling, a huge temper problem, negatively aggresive, shallow, selfish, amoung other things.

I feel like I've been hit by a Mac truck.  The 30-page report started with his interview with the eval.  I don't know why I was so shocked by the amount of lies, but I was.  Since I have been out of contact with him, I had also forgotten how skillful he is at twisting things - MAN!!!!  He was so skillful in twisting the rape (that he admitted to in the temp. hearing) around that I was almost believing it.  Apprently it was MY fault.  The domestic violence turned into "We had a 'passionate' relationship"

I expected the eval. to be able to shift through the b.s., but I guess that was too much to hope for in 3 meetings with him putting on a show.

I got sucked into it again.  He actually called ME a sociopath - but I think that's b/c he heard that was my assessment of him and was taking an offensive stance by saying it first (yes, that's the way he operates - very strategic and devious).

For those of you in the process or considering it, please be prepared for the negative.  Even the testing showed that I "MAY" have some pretty negative traits.  I have been doing work on myself for over 10 years and lead some pretty big personal develpment seminars, but this was gutwrenching for me.  When people around me point out negative traits, I take a deep look at them and work on them.

One thing that came out of the report was my daughter's indirect admission that her recovering alcoholic father is drunk a lot.  It just seems like a lot of money to pay to validate what I already intuitively know.

My lawyer also did a deposition on him and seemed like she believed him instead of what I told her.  I just can't friggin' win!

Movinon

[Gaining Strength]

I have seen it happen over and over again.  Unfortunately our judicial system is one in which a sociopath or pathological liar often wins.  They
are such extraordinarily excellent liars.  They don't hesitate, they don't carefully weigh how their answers will respond to the questions, they don't consider
the nuances.  All of this works to their benefit.  If you hesitate or show emotion then the pathological liar wins - almost every time.

I am so very, very sorry.  Should you ever go to court for custody again.  Get your story clear.  Never waiver, answers question quickly assuredly and just ignore the nuances.  Do not expect the judge to understand.  Be prepared to make it explicit - without emotions.

Find a way to look forward and to fiind the brightest path.  Do not give in emotionally to him.  You and your child will come out ok.  Hold on the best you can.

Your Friend - Gaining Strength

[moonlight52]

Dear Movin',

The Justice system is so messed up.

When you believe you have an OZ. of justice it can slip thur your fingers like quicksilver.

Its all about money and how expensive it is to deal with mini monsters.

Movin' you must have a magnifying glass to detect any justice in a court room.

I understand your frustration and gutwrenching pain.

I do pray things will go your way.

Love to you ,

MoonLight

[pennyplant]

Movinon,

I'm so sorry it turned out like this.  It is so very unfair.  I know of someone who took the law into her own hands because of situations like this.  Of course, she was put in prison, when all she was trying to do was protect a child.

Please be as strong, upstanding and brave as you can be.  Your daughter needs you more than ever.

Love, Pennyplant

[moonlight52]

Dear Movin',

Your daughter seeing you protect her is the beauty .

Thanking PennyP and Sov&S for reminding me of that.

My greatest frustration is Justice and what that really is to me and others.

I am reminded of your example and what that means to your sweet child.

So much love to you.

moon

[movinon]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply and for the reassuring words.

Yes, I can tell my D later that I did EVERYTHING in my power to protect her.  I wish my mother would have done the same.

Movinon

[Hopalong]

Dear MO...
So sorry your slick Willie has been doing his dance...

I just wonder how such a liar may have cheated on taxes, business deals, etc., etc.. I wonder what documents would be available in public records. I wonder what a few days of a private investigator would dig up, that included photographs.

I say don't ever give up. He CANNOT be allowed to molest your daughter!

I know you're fighting hard and are feeling a wave of fatigue, frustration and fury....

but you're a mother tiger, MO. You wil rally and I believe he may rue it.

((((((((((((MO and MO's little girl)))))))))))))))

Hops

[penelope]

hi movinon,

I am so sad, and a bit angry too.  I feel your pain and I will hold you in a bright light tonight.  You and your daughter.  We cannot always protect our loved ones and frankly, it sucks.

For some reason, this is happening to you.  Why?  It's terrible and sad that you have to learn this very hard lesson that no one will help you protect your daughter.   It's not clear now but maybe an answer will present itself.  Remember to have faith, even in this very dark time.

praying for you,
bean