Please Help

[reallyME]

I will not be direct in addressing anyone specific when I say this, but there are some people on this board, who are actually "excusing" the behavior of the N's in their life, and this is disturbing.  Please, once you find out that your parents are N's, do not go into saying that you are glad you are not, unless you know for sure that this is the case.  Many children of N's become enablers, codependent and borderlines, which is not a whole lot easier to deal with than full-blown N'ism.  I find it pretty easy to recognize these sorts of behavior patterns in people, and one such indication, is when the person declares that they know so and so is an N but they "feel sorry" for them to a point that they almost EXCUSE the behavior and mistreatment.

Dazed...my advice based on experience, the first step is, you need to see what happened to you OBJECTIVELY, which means "as it really WAS and IS"...the next step will be to find out who YOU are, apart from the N.  You will need to find out your own hobbies, interests, tastes, likes/dislikes, friends, views, etc...because N's tend to project onto others, what THEY either are or are not, to the point that you no longer end up feeling like YOU exist or have an actual identity, other than what the N wants to see you or perceive you as.

This is just my view...this entire post, so please, if you are offended with me, let me know everyone.  I am just observing some concerning things here and wanted to try and comment as diplomatically and sensitively but as seriously as I could.

Thank you
~Laura

[GAP]

Laura,

I made a statement that I am glad I am not a narcissist.  I have been to several therapist that have helped my understand the abusive marriage I was in and work with me on my codependent ways.  These behaviors kept me trapped in a marriage with a  man that has been diagnosed by a psychiatrist as a "malignent narcissist" and were first devoloped growing up in a narcissistic alcoholic household. I don't say "I'm glad I'm not a nacissist"  to let the people in my life that have been mean and abuse off the hook but as I recover from the cycle of victimhood and live my life as a survivor I can see their abuse is simply the backlash from the hurt and rage that is bottled up in them.  Nothing will ever change with these individuals but I have changed so their behavior no longer hurts me and I understand it.  Understanding narcissim has been the most freeing experience in my life...I have worked incredibly hard to come to this understanding.  It took over 2 years of reading, discussing and thinking to incoprorate this new found knowldege into a drastic change in who I am as a person.  My ability to empathize and make sense of others behavior and not automatically think I caused them to behave the way they are behaving has been a huge milestone for me. 

I have reached a point of forgiveness and acceptance, it doesn't mean I've forgotten but I will no longer participate in the game.

gap