Derailment!

[WRITE]

Help! I am feeling panic tonight, my diet/ exercise/ work etc all seem to be coming off track because I am sick ( the laryngitis in particular a problem for work...)

How do I reframe this so I still feel as positive and focused as last week?

Do other people still get that sickening unease when things go wrong as though everything is going to get out of control or something irredeemable will happen?

Is it insecurity?

[penelope]

Hi write,

Here's a suggestion - I've learned what helps is to reframe things back into their proper perspective (and yes, I get panicky too when I'm sick - hoping you feel better soon!)

Write down all your important body parts and assign them each an "Indian" name.  Then, give a status of what they're like when they first start out on a journey, midway through, and towards the end.  Here's an example:

Legs So Strong - Starting out: Swiftly carry me forward       Midway: Can get shaky, but still stronger than Lungs Blowing in the Wind       Towards the End:    Dependably get me where I'm going!

The goal is to help you discover that just because one bodily function is weaker than another, there are strengths and others will pick up for the weak ones; we can overcome our limitations.  I also find this exercise has a calming effect on me.

good luck!

bean

[Hopalong]

Hi Write,
I find a sort of dumb-beast-peacefulness comes over me after I stop fighting it and accept the reality that I'm sick.
I also sometimes feel panicky at first.
Then after that it feels like a license to treat myself extra-kindly.

It's okay to let your routines go into limbo when you're fighting a bug.
Just add some stuff to help your body, like echinacea, garlic soup...I have an awesome recipe:

saute a huge huge amount of chopped fresh garlic with chopped fresh onions and green peppers
until translucent.
Add a can of tomato soup and 1 can skimmed milk (or water if you prefer)
Simmer it all together for about 5 minutes

Drink mugfulls. My D did once when she was really sick and her fever broke immediately, it was neat.

FEEL BETTER!

Hops

[moonlight52]

Write ,

I do feel the same when sore throat or cold comes on.

My head gets kinda muddled and I can feel the same.

When in the mist sometimes I think It helps to think and feel This will pass soon Its OK...........

And what wonderful comments from pbean and Hops .

All I can add is this place of friendship always can help me to find my footing.

Love to you Dear Write,

moon

[WRITE]

ok, I carried some stuff over to my apartment, kissed my boy goodnight, bought the ingredients Hops suggests, haven't named my body parts yet Bean.

Thanks y'all, don't know what I'd do without you!

this place of friendship always can help me to find my footing

amen to that. It's humbling to know there are such wonderful people in my world.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bean Hop Moon))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[dragonsamm]

So sorry to hear you are sick, Write

Do other people still get that sickening unease when things go wrong as though everything is going to get out of control or something irredeemable will happen?

Yes, for me, "when things go wrong" includes EVERYTHING.  Any time something doesn't work out, I get that panicky feeling that my life is going down the drain. And feeling sick only adds to the despair.

Take good care of you and don't think about things you can't deal with at the moment.  My favorite thing to do when I'm sick is to make myself a cup of my favorite tea (a large mug of apple tea with a cinnamon stick), wrap up in a quilt on the sofa and put in my favorite DVD and forget the world exists.  Let yourself rest.

(((((((((((((write))))))))))))))))

~dragonsamm~

[WRITE]

Thanks Dragonsamm

forget the world exists.  Let yourself rest.

You're right. I really want to, I know my body is telling me 'enough' and it's been so stressful this week.

My ex rolled his eyes when I told him I was trying to rest to heal! I told him he still has so many N-traits....he's been offloading on me all week. But it'll calm down once our moves are completed, and anyway I'm away for next week on a vacation. I'm ready for it.

that panicky feeling that my life is going down the drain

my ex feeds that. And my family did. Any time something goes wrong they would do that 'I-told-you-so'/ 'you-should-never-have' routine and my confidence would start evaporating. I hate people who do that even to this day, when I don't listen as much, and my ex- I am like a broken record about his doing the same with our son!

((((((((((((((( Dragonsamm ))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[tony001]

I hate it when I get sick and I can't exercise and my appetite goes away making it difficult for me to eat all of the nutritious foods I need (fruit and veggies). Here's how I deal with it. I realize that I can start over when the illness is over. My exercise and diet are a conscious choice that I make and they are still waiting for me after my illness subsides. My health is a big priority for me and sounds like it is for you too. Recovering from an illness demands lots of rest, so I also keep in mind that I am doing the best thing for my body by resting and NOT exercising which acutely lowers your immune system. (Although exercise is good for the immune system and strengthens it, your immune system is lowered and vulnerable DURING the exercise.)

So chin up, and rememeber to hit the gym and the veggies ASAP.

[IamNewtoMe]

WRITE, Dragonsamm, and All

Do other people still get that sickening unease when things go wrong as though everything is going to get out of control or something irredeemable will happen?

Yes, for me, "when things go wrong" includes EVERYTHING.  Any time something doesn't work out, I get that panicky feeling that my life is going down the drain. And feeling sick only adds to the despair.

These quotes remind me of descriptions of catastrophizing (I think I read it here) or awfulizing (what my T calls it - much easier to pronounce for me!).  I do this a lot.  On a day (or week) when one or two things go wrong, I suddenly feel things slipping out of control and I begin to imagine the worst case scenario, imagining the resulting total catastrophe for me and my loved ones.  I think preparing for the worst is a defensive mechanism from my N upbringing  - a mechanism that only works against me now.  Don't know if this is what is going on for you at all - just some thoughts.

Sorry to hear you are sick, Write.  Folks have posted some great advice here.  (Love the garlic soup recipe, Hops!)  I hope you feel better really soon, Write.  Till then, be gentle with yourself.  Things are going to be OK.

[WRITE]

I realize that I can start over when the illness is over.

ok, I'll hold onto that.

My health is a big priority for me and sounds like it is for you too.

yes it is, it quickly gets out of balance.

Actually last night when I went to get the garlic soup ingredients I went for a gentle swim and sat in the steam room which helped a lot.

I am so afraid of getting out of control and gaining loads of weight again- even this week I got on the scales and I gained 5 lbs. I know some of it will be water retention, but it's scary how quickly my metabolism gets lost.

The soup was amazing too Hops- I'll make some more later, double quantities. Slept like a baby.

On a day (or week) when one or two things go wrong, I suddenly feel things slipping out of control and I begin to imagine the worst case scenario, imagining the resulting total catastrophe for me and my loved ones.  I think preparing for the worst is a defensive mechanism from my N

you are right, it is catastrophizing.

I think I'd be better if ex-N wasn't in on the dynamics, but when I've got him rolling his eyes and saying 'how will you manage financially?' but at the same time 'it's just a cold!'

( How does he manage to do that simultaneously- make me feel like the end of the world is nigh but I'm making a heck of a fuss about nothing?! )

Yesterday he asked to see a copy of the initial divorce petition, which is simply a legal document with our names in the blanks, no scope for alteration. Then he sent me two comments, one that I have our son's place of birth wrong ( funnily enough I was there and he wasn't! ) the other some doom and gloom about immigration which I got him to ask the lawyer months ago and doesn't apply now I have my Green card....

I'm in such a habit of preparing for disaster it's not healthy is it.

My friend who divorced her nasty N husband stopped me yesterday, she said he throws a spanner in the works at every turn, and her confidence is sapped. She won't let him visit or talk with him by telephone now.

I've bent over backwards to accomodate my ex, it's my last-ditch attempt to help the situation and my apology for the things I did wrong in the marriage, and my thanks for him takign care of me whilst I was sick.

But this week i saw something of the cost of that. The first day I was sick I was quite cheerful- by day three I was extremely anxious, and nothing had changed except he'd spread a little of his poisonous negativity around.

He is understandably stressed, buying a house. But his reactions have been extremely toxic- no positive attempts to deal with it, just overeating, drinking beer, cancelling his therapy ( which he says is for financial reasons- even though I have been scrupulous about sharing money I could easily have kept back for myself...and he could use that ) stopping his a/d s....all of this has a knock-on effect on our son and on me.

I'm not sure how but I am going to establish a bigger barrier.

Hejust called and I fed back to him that he was being pessimistic and negative and I don't think it's helpful, he said 'bye dear' and got off the phone!

I wonder why he doesn't want me to file the divorce, really? What exactly is going on in his mind?

Not that it matters- I really have to get him out of the dynamics of my confidence and self-esteem which he tries to trash without even realising it.

Thanks Tony and Iamnewtome (((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))You've given me lots to think about.

[Sallying Forth]

Hi Write,
On exercise:

When I am sick I rest and don't exercise or exercise very little, UNLESS the illness is above my neck only.

Usually exercise boosts the immune system.

However, if one exercises in excess or too strenuously during illness AND it is a systemic illness (fever and/or elevated white blood cells) it can have the opposite effect.

A rule of thumb is illness above the neck, you can exercise but not at same pace as prior and you may have to settle for half the time.

Illness below the neck or systemic use caution with exercise. Cut time in half and half speed. Walk if you run, etc. Cut back to three days if you did five before, etc.

The best judge of what you can handle  is you. Experiment and see what is just right.

With sports injuries the sport doc tells the injured athlete to change their sport and cut back on the time and pace. If they run, they bike or walk or swim.


BTW I had that nasty cold that you have. It's been taking the rounds. Feel better soon Write and take care of you. Drink lots of fluids. Rest. Also chicken soup is excellent for a cold. Must be homemade - get a chicken, natural as possible, no hormones/antibiotics - throw it in a pot with water and cook it all day. The humidity is good for you! Drink the broth. Also very soothing for your throat and tummy.

[October]

Help! I am feeling panic tonight, my diet/ exercise/ work etc all seem to be coming off track because I am sick ( the laryngitis in particular a problem for work...)

How do I reframe this so I still feel as positive and focused as last week?

Do other people still get that sickening unease when things go wrong as though everything is going to get out of control or something irredeemable will happen?

Is it insecurity?

Ha, I am the very last person to ask.  I have had something going on for a while, which I have ignored, in favour of getting on with what I can.  Only I have been able to achieve very little, and have felt more and more out of control (weak, that is, in English.)

So, whatever you do, do not ignore what your body is telling you, in the hope that it will go away in time.  So, I am off to the dentist next week, to check out what I think is an abcess on a wisdom tooth.  And if he does not give me antibiotics, I will go see the doctor, and get them from him instead for a sore throat which is hovering around somewhere in the background, but which I am not sure about because I have disconnected from it.  The two may well be related, I think.  I am really scared to go, but have already put in repeat presciption for diazepam, and will take them before I go so that it is manageable.  (I have managed four months on 14 tablets, so I think that is really good going.  But I  need at least 2 for next week, and only have one left.  And that is to help me go into the loft to see about the heating this afternoon, if I can.)

God, nobody take any advice from me, whatever you do!!!   

However, on the positive side, I am breaking everything I need to do into very tiny steps indeed, and if I manage even one in a day, I am trying to see that as an achievement.  And d found my list, with the ticks on it, and wrote 'well done!' on it, which is what I do with her homeschool work, so it is really very nice indeed to find some unexpected support in return.  It all helps.

So, in the tradition of don't do what October does, do what she says  , be nice to yourself, don't worry about your weight because you need extra everything to fight infection, including water, and so that is temporary.  If you can, treat yourself to nice things, such as Hops' soup (the recipe for which I have saved!!!  Thanks, Hops!) and fresh fruit etc.  And remember that we are all allowed to be ill from time to time, and that it is a time for looking after yourself and being looked after.  ((((((((hugs))))))

[Plucky]

He just called and I fed back to him that he was being pessimistic and negative and I don't think it's helpful, he said 'bye dear' and got off the phone!

This is a good thing.  You would have hng up but it would have been rude.  He spared you further contact.  Did you expect that he would apologise or talk it through?

I wonder why he doesn't want me to file the divorce, really? What exactly is going on in his mind?

It does not matter what sick ,unproductive thoughts he is or is not thinking.  It does not matter what his reason are, if he has any.  I think you can cross  'figuring out motivation of ex for blocking and hindering actions' off your to-do list.

Feel better
Plucky