Pregnant and Alone

[Anika]

I'm so stupid! I helped my b-f escape his N-mom only to find out that the abusee is sometimes just as sick as the abuser!

He left me 3 months pregnant. That was 3 1/2 months ago to go back to Mommy Dearest and I haven't heard from him since. Good, I say. They can have themselves!

A little over a month ago, I met a wonderful gentleman who just thought I hung the moon. We have maintained a casual dating relationship until this weekend when his ex-girlfriend called to say she wanted him back. They dated for over a year but that was over a year ago and they haven't spoken since.

Now he is having to choose between the two of us. Part of me wants to be with him SO badly but the other part says FORGET HIM!

I think I'm too sympathetic. I have been in the unfortunate position of having to choose a past lover or a present one. History is a very powerful motivator. However, I almost always chose the past lover and every time the relationship ended quickly for the exact same reasons that it ended in the first place.

Still, instead of being a man about the whole thing and telling me about her (he hasn't seen her, BTW. She lives in another town), he stood me up and didn't return my phone calls. Well, I'm not the kind of person to take things lying down so I marched right over to his house and demanded an explanation.

He sat in shame with his head down and admitted that he didn't know what to do. Obviously he still has feelings for her, but he also has strong feelings for me. He even cried for a few minutes.

The pregnancy hormones coupled with the abandonment from the baby's father have proved to be devistating on my emotional well-being. I am severely depressed and sometimes I think that I should not even be thinking about a relationship right now. However, I don't want to be alone either.

I don't want anything serious. I just want someone to care about me. Why is that so hard to find? Now that I'm pregnant I fear no one will ever want me again.

[Anika]

You're right about everything and I know it. It's just a matter of convincing my heart.

I honestly thought I was doing the right thing by helping my baby's father out. His daughter (my baby's 1/2 sister) was so innocent and precious. I couldn't bear to watch her grow up in a sick home the way that I did.

Before I "liberated" him, he was so beaten down. I saw myself all over him. I thought that if I could just help him and his daughter, I might somehow help myself to heal as well. After only a few months, HE began to show signs of NPD. He totally dominated his daughter and it sickened me! She was nothing but a pawn in his sick, twisted chess game and I was NOT about to be his queen!

I rejected his marriage proposal and took a firm stand with him about the treatment of his daughter. He, of course, did NOT appreciate this at all. The more his little girl clung to me for protection, the more abusive and controling he became.

Eventually, he took her away from me. He was in such need for control that he abandoned me and his unborn child and has now forced his other child back into a life of mental torture.

I refuse to allow him to treat this child the way that he treats his other one. Not being the girl's biological mother, there is really nothing that I can do for her besides contact Child Protective Services, which I have already done. However, I CAN and WILL protect this child.

He wants nothing to do with either of us and has threatened to sue for custody should I attempt to get any child support from him. He can take me to court as often as he can afford to for the next 18 years and I will NOT put my child through that!

So, I am going to go it alone.

As for the new guy, you're right about him too. He is emotionally unavailable...and so am I.

So why is it so hard to let him go?

[Anika]

Well, they say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

So, now I burn.