Internet Use

[WRITE]

What level of internet use is healthy?

I am finding often I am on the computer far longer than I meant to be and doing other things than what I intended.

I gave up tv because I felt it was a big time-waster, I don't feel so strongly about the computer but I wonder if I'm going the same way?

How long do people spend on their computer and what would you define as 'problem use'?

[Portia]

It depends what you're doing on the net i think as to whether it's healthy.

I heard of a woman here who took maternity leave and racked up £40,000 in online gambling debts. Not healthy!
Mind you, i don't think working for an internet gambling company would be healthy either!

If you intend doing other things though, then maybe you could set an alarm to tell you when your net time's up?

edit: Sorry, forgot to answer the question, I was so busy justifying my time on the net! Some days I'm here on and off for hours - like a working day. Other days, less. Too much really. Or is it? I can't do it for much longer I know so I'm doing it now. I don't know. The question is too fraught with 'it depends' for me to answer. For me, it's coming to a drastic cutting of time here. On the other hand, if i could afford to stay more, I would. We do jobs where we sit at computers all day and I don't think that's necessarily healthy .... I've just talked myself into being unhealthy! Not an easy question to answer, for me.

[seasons]

I struggle some days when I know my time exceeded what I had planned. I do like when I take time off from the computer. I notice after a few days I don't feel the pull.
Then I can come back and feel refreshed and enjoy so many wonderful things to explore and research.

Finding balance is easier said than done.

[WRITE]

You're right- back to simplicity! It is about balance and I will set a timer and decide in advance how long to be online!

I notice after a few days I don't feel the pull.
Then I can come back and feel refreshed and enjoy so many wonderful things to explore and research.

what prompted me to think about this was how enthusiastic I feel after a few days away from it.

I'm going to put my egg-timer right on the desk and only enjoy short bursts in future.

[tony001]

I think in order to answer your question about internet use I would have to use a Q&A by Abraham Lincoln as an example.

Someone once asked Mr. Lincoln how long a woman's legs should be. Mr Lincoln thought about this question for a moment and answered "Long enough to reach the ground."

[Hopalong]

I love starting the day with a cup of tea, my SAD light glowing on the bedside table, and Thou.

I like ending the day here too.

Y'all are the bracket to my days.

I know sometimes I'm overdoing it when I have that "can't stop!" feeling.

At the same time, this is such a precious place for me that right now I refuse to bash myself about it. I know that when I need to back it off, I'll be able to. Or when f2f relationships pick up, I'll be less dependent on the voices here.

But for now, I don't want to put the board on the same list as chocolate.

((((()))))

Hops (PS--sometimes I watch TV with one eye and read posts with the other. How bad is THAT?)

[reallyME]

Although I realize that people with Avoidant PD issues and people who tend to be passive or have fear of rejection situations, will NOT like what I'm going to say here, I'm going to gently try and give my view on this.

First, I once spent 3.5 YEARS on the internet from 4 in the morning till 4 in the morning, only stopping to grab food or use the restroom.  Why?  Cause I had an extreme case of Codependency and had a need to be needed.  I was counseling a lady online at the time, but that BECAME MY LIFE...the INTERNET, the PHONE.  When that relationship ended, in walked N and THAT, TOO ended up keeping me online and on the phone way too many hours.

Here is my theory...ONLINE (as in, "chat" rooms or even some private messages), unless you have met (face to face)  the person you are talking to or plan to...OFTEN equals UNREALITY and HIDING, either on your part or the part of the person you are talking to.

My suggestion is, please go back to school, go to an in-person counselor, make some friends, find a hobby OFFLINE, journal,  apply for a job, volunteer, do ANYTHING but spend your life in the unrealistic world of CYBERSPACE.  Wean yourself off, by replacing little increments of online time with REALITY actions.

Doing this, saved my marriage, my relationship with my children...my sanity and my life!

If you do tend to be avoidant and hesitant to venture into new things, I highly encourage you to talk to someone about that...please please please do NOT go looking for help on the internet...there are soooooooooo many N's and dysfunctional people out there, just sooooooooo able to smell their next easy victim a mile away.  If you have been victimized before, you are easy prey and predators are on the lookout for you, because they can TELL that you are VULNERABLE.  Please, be safe.  Make healthy choices and limit your online time to research, chat with people you have met or will meet in person who are safe and like-minded and sane-minded.

Realize that being behind a screen, means just THAT...many internet people are HIDING and staying INCOGNITO FOR A REASON!!! You do NOT always want to FIND OUT WHAT THAT REASON IS, by being the one on the receiving end!

Just a suggestion but an urgent one, from one who lived the nightmare.

~Laura

[WRITE]

Wow Laura, that was a serious commitment, round-the-clock counselling. At what point did you realise it was unhealthy?

I've had a job like that which I buried myself in, taking on more and more, before burning out completely.

Even for people without internet 'addiction' the web is very seductive- reading/ studying is a passion of mine, and I can jump from topic to topic to topic. In a way it was better when I had more money and printed everything out- I could 'see' the amount of time I was spending/wasting.

But just reading a soap opera, listening to some music, reading the world news, answering emails, typing my invoices or work-plans, and coming on this and another ( religious ) site can easily eat three hours out of my day.

That is starting to seem excessive to me now I'm working full-time; also if I spent the same amount of time writing for other things it would finish my book and let me get a couple of articles a week done!

Cyberspace like everything has its dark side, but I have also made real-life friends through it, I learned about Nism through it, and it is a ready source of info and communication.

Re. avoidant pd, I think it might preclude excessive internet 'connections' which the people would perceive as equally threatening and dissatisfactory as other relationships? Internet is more compulsive and as you say Laura co-dependent?

Y'all are the bracket to my days.

that's a nice way of putting it, O Writing One! ( are you getting any time to work on your own creative writing projects yet? )

[sea storm]

Too much time on the internet... I think it can get out of hand for sure. I have just started to spend a couple of hours a day on the Internet. It has been really comforting because I learned about narcissism and I found this site. For me this is a really safe place and very life affirming. k
At the same time I have a friend who has fallen in love over the net. My ex N. partner discovered the internet and he is a very silver-tongued devil. Before you knew it a woman had left her husband and they were incredibly intense. I see this as a dangerous thing because relationships can heat up so quickly without constraints. People speak frankly and inhibiitions go down. This is the perfect feeding ground for predators. Sad but true.
Sea Storm

[reallyME]

When did I realize it was excessive?

I think after the 3 1/2 year relationship with the lady I was counseling (literally keeping alive at times, due to extreme anorexia, suicide threats, etc), ended.  My eldest daughter had moved out, in with my sis-in-law who I was not close to, and my other children felt neglected totally by me.  That woke me UP real quick...but only enough to walk into the next dysfunctional relationship.  Now, I have special people in my life, but I do my best to keep things balanced.  

~Laura

[SilverLining]

 I remember reading a theory about this some time ago.  The human brain evolved to pay close attention to flashing lights, or fast moving images, which in the past often signaled danger.   The flashes actually cause a chemical change in the brain.  This may be why TV and the internet are so addictive.   Watch a typical TV show closely and you'll see they shift to a different camera about every 3 seconds.  They have learned it is a way to keep people paying attention.   

 I do all of my reading and posting from the local library partly because it provides an automatic limitation device.  They only allow two hours.  Anything more than that at least for me is veering into time wasting. 

[Hopalong]

Hi Write,
Nope, still too many other paperwork things and organizing things to do to prepare to do Real Writing.

I am not pressing. This is the first time in so many years I have had free time.

I have joined a little local gym and am trying to rebuild my much-neglected strength. I sleep all I want to. I feed my mother.

I am floating, and right now, that's what I need.

The last few years of FT job stress and mother-stress nearly did me in. I am savoring this interlude. Mom's health or something else will change things, as time goes on.

But I can't approach my novel or anything similar with "should" or I freeze.

Thanks for asking.

((((Write))))

Hops

[WRITE]

need that hug tonight, very stressed and exhausted.