Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Hopalong:
Uggghh. Painful question, Beth. (But thank you for asking it. Mwah!)
I do need to dig there but boy, I don't want to.
Will try it again later....
Hops
gratitude28:
(((((((((((((((((((((((hops)))))))))))))))))))))
October:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on December 10, 2006, 08:23:31 PM ---
It's very odd that I'm so focused and responsible at work, I accomplish a lot, and I'm the same way in taking daily care of my mother.
But when it comes to taking care of my own space, my own paperwork/mail/all that...
I escape. And it ain't good. :oops:
Hops
--- End quote ---
Sounds like avoidance, which is born out of fear. This may all be totally wrong, so take or leave, as you wish.
At work there is a role to play, and you do it very well. At home there is a huge great void, where your father used to stand and guard over you, and now there is just a huge heap of paperwork, and no-one to help. Which might trigger your feelings of bereavement and grief again, which would in turn bring feelings of abandonment, and of being a lost child. And lost children cannot do paperwork, no matter how much they might want to. They want to be found, and loved. That would all be very understandable. If you are anything like me, then when you look at that heap, you will go cold and freeze, and then head for the displacement activities.
Maybe it would help if you did some relaxation and meditation, and picture your dad with you, and beside you all the way, maybe for a few minutes a day for a while before starting sorting things out. Maybe put his photograph nearby. When you feel ready to start, break it into small tasks, rather than having to do it all at once. Maybe schedule one day for opening letters and putting them in order. The next day for writing cheques. The next day for balancing accounts. That kind of thing. Maybe write a plan, with the heading, 'What Dad would tell me to do, and how he will help me to do it'. Then maybe when you write his advice down, you will find he hasn't gone away at all, but is right there with you, every moment of the day.
((((((((((hugs)))))))))
October:
--- Quote from: gratitude28 on December 10, 2006, 07:33:36 PM --- Honestly, I am amazed I didn't get rid of my wedding dress. I probably will.
--- End quote ---
If you feel that you have to do this, then why not offer it to your local museum? I know this sounds crazy, but half the stuff in there was new once, and many museums keep samples of costumes and dresses etc. That way the dress goes to a good home, and you don't think you have discarded it, but rather given it to the future.
You can offer it on permanent loan, if you don't want it to be sold or thrown away without your family knowing.
I was married in 1987, and one day, if I know my d doesn't want it, I intend to do this with my wedding dress, shoes etc. And my mother's, for that matter. But in her case, I would find a museum in the town where she married.
gratitude28:
Storm,
What an astute and lovely answer.
Love,
Beth
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