Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?
entering into a childs world?
shefellyb:
OK, guess I should clarify, that my thought of entering into a childs world is through play, and that's why I said about playing with them.
Thanks!
pennyplant:
Well, I wasn't much of one to play with them with their toys either. Looking back, and from what my sons have said, the best thing is to listen to them when they want to talk. Find a way to be interested in the topics they want to talk about or discuss.
Listening and discussing does not mean to try and teach them, educate them or point out where they might be wrong or not know things. They do know things and it is good to talk to them and listen the way you would to an adult. Value their ideas about interests, school, friends, values, etc. Discover your child in this way. Get to know them in this way. They are unique individuals from the start.
Sometimes I would just sit on the couch and relax while my youngest son was on the computer. After a while, he would get used to me just sitting there and would start to think of things he wanted to talk about. Then it would turn into a conversation. I guess I'm saying, I make myself available for talking and listening every so often and it has become a pattern that he can expect and therefore feel comfortable with.
My oldest son and I never had it so easy-going. But every so often we talk on the phone and he talks a lot during those times. It seems as though he enjoys our conversations (he lives 8 hours away so we can't visit in person often.) He listens to me and his dad too and remembers what we say. It seems like mutual listening is going on.
I think kids appreciate it when we are being our true selves and when we allow them to be their true selves. We don't have to like all the same things and activities. If you don't like to play with toys with them, then find something else to share that you also enjoy. Some card games can be good for both kids and adults. We played Scrabble sometimes, and Boggle, and other similar games that were challenging for us and still fun for them. Painting together was something we did sometimes. Going to concerts and shows together, movies, listening to music in the car together. Just paying attention while doing regular things together is great.
I think just the fact that you think this is important to do, giving them voice and trying to enter their world, is great and will do them a lot of good as they grow up.
Pennyplant
gratitude28:
Shelly,
I know what you mean about not wanting to play sometimes... My daughter has asked me to play with her sooooo much this past week that I gave in and played a game of UNO. The truth is, though, more than playing with them. I think it's listening to them and answering them. We do a lot of our deep talking in the car. We are crtunched in together and it's a good time when we can just focus on the words and questions from the day or week.
How old are your kids?
Love, Beth
Hopalong:
Hi Shelly...
Dunno if you realize but you're on the "reference" thread...
want to start one on the main board? You'll get more responses there.
Hope your week has a great start.
One thing I've done with kids (professionally for a while) is have them tell ME stories while I write them down. They go to town.
Then I'd type them for them and they'd be thrilled with the printed result.
This was especially tempting for very little ones who can't write much yet.
Hops
shefellyb:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on December 10, 2006, 10:32:25 PM ---Hi Shelly...
Dunno if you realize but you're on the "reference" thread...
want to start one on the main board? You'll get more responses there.
Hope your week has a great start.
One thing I've done with kids (professionally for a while) is have them tell ME stories while I write them down. They go to town.
Then I'd type them for them and they'd be thrilled with the printed result.
This was especially tempting for very little ones who can't write much yet.
Hops
--- End quote ---
No, didn't realize it. What is the difference between the reference board and the main board (new here...LOL!) Thanks!
Thanks everyone for you response, they are EXTREMELY helpful!
Pennyplant,
I like what you said about just making yourself available to really listen to them and hear what they are saying. It is amazing the times when I have done that, what I find out about them and what is going on in their lives. I never got that as a child and I really want to give my children the validation and value that comes from doing that. Thanks!
Beth,
my kids are 9 and 6. I like your idea about talking while in the car. I will have to try that on our next grocery shopping/errand day. It may make the imte go by faster! Thanks!
Off to post on the main board!
-Lisa
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[*] Previous page
Go to full version