Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
extended family issues grrrrr.
Anonymous:
When your sister says, "You need to do XYZ," you can respond, "No, I don't need to do that. Maybe you would like me to do it, but I don't see it that way. I have a different view on it." Set boundaries with her as well as with your father. You don't have to buy into whatever she says.
bunny
surf14:
Yes, trust your gut instincts. If you think you smell a rat there is usually a rat in the house. You can tell immediately when someone shifts their support and suddenly you are out on a limb. The boundary setting will continue to create discomfort for you but its important to do that or you'll be swallowed up.
Good luck! :roll:
Anonymous:
thanks.
Isn't it strange how your birth family can push buttons no one else can?!
Most people I know don't seem to think my sister is a very nice person, but I've always defended her and I know part of it is I wanted an ally within our family and she was the closest I got to it.
But she's definitely never been on my cheerleading squad!
surf14:
Evaluating that more closely now is very important for your own sense of empowerment; look at the patterns of behavior that have been in place for a long time and become very clear about them. Family of origin's will push buttons like no one else can; just don't let yourself be victimized by it anymore. surf14
Anonymous:
something hit me hard tonight: how much my desired self-image shapes my behaviour.
I always want to be the sensible, sane member of the family who finds answers and helps the others. Why? there has to be a big ego- reward for such thankless output.
Have I projected myself in my mind to sacrificial parent role in all these relationships? Am I always on the lookout for someone to 'save' me?
I KNOW one of the reasons I frequently do not let go is because I already have an image of what SHOULD be.
I love
Wendy Cope's poem:
Defining the problem
I can't forgive you. Even if I could,
You wouldn't pardon me for seeing through you.
And yet I cannot cure myself of love
For what I thought you were before I knew you.
********
required reading for n. people?!
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