ok so WHY the image? Power? Control?

[reallyME]

The image constitutes denial of feelings.  By identifying with a grandiose image, a person is able to ignore pain of her inner reality and also stay somewhat connected to the world she must live in .  It is a way to get acceptance, to seduce others and to achieve power over others.

SADNESS AND FEAR are the two main emotions that the Narcissist supresses.  Why?  because these two emotions leave the Narcissist feeling VULNERABLE.

Sadness means being alerted to loss and causes LONGING.  To long for someone could risk the Narcissist being REJECTED or HUMILIATED.

Not wanting or feeling desire, defends the Narcissist against possibly being hurt.  Same thing with denial of fear...If N does not feel afraid, N will not be VULNERABLE.

If the person can deny sadness and fear, they can project an image of being independent, courageous and strong.  This helps the Narcissist hide vulnerability from both himself and others.  The image is only a FACADE though, and therefore has no feelings nor strength.  This would lie in the INNER SELF, not the IMAGE portrayed by the N. 

Since the N knows that the IMAGE has no strength, he seeks power and needs it to make up for the lack.  Power to the N, equals ENERGY to the IMAGE.

All people are vulnerable and can be hurt, rejected or humiliated.  Not everyone denies their feelings, projects and image of not being vulnerable or of being superior, nor do we all strive for power.  It all stems from childhood and trauma...some have endured a blight to their self-esteem that can scar and shape their personalities.  This involved HUMILIATION, FEELING POWERLESS, BEING CONTROLLED BY ANOTHER PERSON.  It was a CONSTANT situation that caused the problem.  It is formed by INNER VOWS.

The Narcissist first controls herself, by denying and supressing feelings, then they seek to control their circumstances so that nobody can gain power over them. Power and Control function to protect the person from feeling vulnerable, powerless and humiliated.

[axa]

Control seems to be a major issue with Ns.  Reflecting truth and reality seems to injure them so much.  It shatters the image and If the image is not in tact what are they......... human like the rest of us, with faults, failings and vulnerability. 

My experience is that they cannot bear to be around anyone who will not collude with their image.  It is just to painful and control slips. This seems to trigger the anger and of course the one holding the mirror to them becomes the devalued one.

Hiding behind the image means that they do not experience their own truth which seems to account for their lack of empathy.  To me this is one of the most difficult things to deal with with an N.  People are so interchangable tothem.  It does not seem to matter who they are with as long as the person gives them supply.  The lack of supply is the most terrifying experience for them and they wll do ANYTHING to get it.  Sad for them and sad for their victims.


axa

[pennyplant]

Thanks, RM, this is the description that speaks the most truth to me.  These are the issues that, in my opinion, drive most of the N-types I run into.  Perhaps it is because these are the same issues I also have had to deal with, only I have done it in an opposite way to the N.  Somewhere there has to be a happy medium.  The Ns may not want to go to the middle because Nism works so well for them.  But I want something more manageable and seem to be finding it.  It is strange that I have been "driven" to find a better way for myself because of people who seem the opposite of me.  But they are opposite only in approach and wanting to see.  I believe we have a similar core, though, me and my Ns, and it is that sadness and fear are the most troublesome of emotions for us.

Pennyplant