New member in Florida, for now!!

[calauria]

Hi, I'm a newbie.  I found this site by a search.  Think my parents are Ns. When my parents found out that I was sexually abused by other relatives, nothing was done.  It was kind of swept under the rug.  My mom actually hugged one of my abusers and I confronted her with my anger, her response was, "Well, I wasn't thinking about that, besides he done nothing to me!"  My dad is more like, "Stop bringing up old stuff!"

When I express to my mom how much she and the family has hurt me, her response is "We haven't hurt you that bad!" or "We've done nothing to you!"

When my mom let her boyfriend she barely know move into my apt. with us and I expressed my disapproval, she saw it as me not wanting her to have a man and not trying to protect my children and myself from some strange man, that I didn't know anything about.  All hell broke out about that!  There is just so much a abuse in my family...too much to type....

And the thing is, I'm scared to death of being an N like I feel my parents are.  I'm  constantly looking at myself, my feelings, motives and actions.  I don't want to be in anyway toxic to my children!

[calauria]

My mom, my family in general, has a way of getting into my head and making me second guess my concerns.  She and my sister had made me feel sick to my stomach about myself with this whole situation.  And my mom did leave my children alone with him when she came to pick me up from work.  I was so upset!  I'm a single mom, the father of my children was abusive, therefore he has no contact with the children, does not help out financially or anything.  And my mom is helping me with the children.  And she always holding it over my head that I need her help.  So, in this situation, I guess I got dumb!  I didn't want my children and me to end up homeless, but I didn't want my children to end up to be molested either!  I feel that I failed my children!  I've been looking for signs of them being abused, so far I haven't seen any!  I expressed this to my mom, all she had to say is, "Well, at least they are alive!"  You know, I've gotten so upset with my mom about this whole situation, that I just freak out, when we had an argument and my chest started hurting and I could not breathe!  I had to calm myself down, felt like I might have been having a heart attack.  No, I haven't been to the doctor.  But I'm moving into an apt. without my mother in the spring, to a smalltown in alabama, so I won't have to depend on her so much.  I wished I could have handle a lot of situations, differently.  I just didn't know what to do.  I don't won't my children to suffer because of it, though....You know?  I feel so guilty.  I just pray that he did not molest them!

P.S.  The guy is no longer in the house.

[Hopalong]

Calauria:

For a "grandmother", this is an appallling statement:

all she had to say is, "Well, at least they are alive!"

 

(Never mind thriving and growing up happy, confident, appreciated and loved...)

I am so happy for you that you are moving yourself and your children well away from her!
She does not sound like a person who will change.

Hopalong

[gratitude28]

Calauria,
A huge welcome and a big agreement that if not Ns, your parents were neglectful and mean... No child deserves that. My mother always made excuses for people, even when they did truly horrible things as well. My Aunt's brother was a doctor who turned out to be molesting his patients. My aunt had nothing to do with him after that. My mother's response? "How can she be so cruel to a family member?" One of the sickest responses I can imagine...
I also agree that your children have to come first. I feel like that is the one area in my life I can be proud of... my kids have none of the hangups and self-esteem issues I had. They don't have to lie or hide or be scared...
Please keep coming back. The members here are generous and can help you get a good start on working through stuff and starting to move forward.
Love, Beth

[calauria]

Thanks, bean, I need words of encouragment.

[seasons]

Welcome,
It great to have you here. I'm think the responses you have recieved are filled with genuine thoughtful guidance and support.
I happy for your and your new move to freedom! I'll be counting the weekis with you. I can hear your heartfelt concern for you children, they have you, I applaude your steps to a brighter future with your children.
I'm a bit on the weak side today, but wanted to extend a hand of support and let you know I hear you and am so sorry for your pain, that is real and is not to be exused.

Much pieace snd strength sent to you at this time...................(seasosns)