Pity Potty Party 2006!!!

[gratitude28]

Hi All,
Just wanted to see who wanted to join me in a Pity Potty Party... I seem to be hogging up the pot...

OK, Here's what I am currently ticked off about. Please join in...

1) I can't have a conversation with my family without analyzing every damned word. And there is almost always something to annoy...

2) Wish I could have the relationship I'd like with my sister, but never know if she is in the defensive position or not... Still wonder if that's all my fault (no, but how much of it is???).

3) Wish I could just treat my job like a job instead of another psych ward.

4) I am very scared about my husband coming home. I wish I could be young and beautiful, but instead I hate myself and feel like a monster. So now I just want to run and hide the closer it gets. I am REALLY scared and I should be happy. I don't look different from when he left... the same... but I want to be better. I guess this comes from the years of seeing my mother who always looks so horrified by what I look like...

5) Am tired of my drunk friend who goes from being mean to feeling guilty and being too nice. I am tired of seeing her drunk every day. I don't want to be her friend, but live next door.

6) Tired of feeling that I never get everything done and that my house is never right and that I always need to do more but can't bear to do it.

7) I don't want to move this year. I am confortable here and I hate packing and it reminds me of being a kids when I was caught between my mother pack-ratting and my father taking it out on me and wanting me to throw everything away.

OK, enough. Woe is me. Poor me... Yada yada yada.

[Hopalong]

Dear Beth,
I hope your H is like most of those in Iraq I read about who are just so darn glad to be home safe and sound that the last thing on their minds would be criticism. Just love him up and don't worry...it's okay to be you.

I can't imagine the sacrifices military families go through, especially moving. I'd dread it too. But I imagine you also very strong because of your experience.

I am very sorry your SIL is dominated, or lets herself be. That must be such a hard loss--you need support and you deserve it, and here's some.

(((((((((((((((Beth))))))))))))))

Hops
PS--I don't think "Pity Party" is fair to you. There's nothing wrong with saying you feel sad and scared and miserable. You are entitled to have and own and say your feelings. I'm glad you did.

[sea storm]

I really agree that expressing your feelings to people who are interested in you and CARE about your feelings is not a pity party.

What you say sound like valid fears and resentments.

As for your neighbour. You are really caught there because you live next door. Have you ever gone to Al Anon. They have brilliant ways to be kind polite and firm. Very inspiring.
Sometimes fate sends us these unbelievably trying people as teachers. Al Anon probably has info on their website too. One thing I am pretty sure they would say is don't suffer a drunk patiently. Go out and do something you would enjoy like getting a pedicure. Pretty feel make me feel good and they look nice too.

Love,
]Sea Storm

[axa]

Gratitude,

Glad you feel able to come here and express yourself.  I think it is so good to get this stuff off your chest.  I thiink AL Anon is a great idea.  Always interested in reading your posts.

axa

[reallyME]

gratitude :

5) Am tired of my drunk friend who goes from being mean to feeling guilty and being too nice. I am tired of seeing her drunk every day. I don't want to be her friend, but live next door.

There is a friend of mine online who types to me when she gets drunk and starts just blasting me, telling me I'm not understanding her and that I don't care about anything but my own issues.  It gets OLD after a while, and you just ignore the person or realize that the person you are talking to at the time, is NOT your friend who is kind, when sober.

6) Tired of feeling that I never get everything done and that my house is never right and that I always need to do more but can't bear to do it.

Gosh I can relate.  Since I always work, running the restaurant, I'm not home to clean it and then when I am, I'm too tired and don't want to.

7) I don't want to move this year. I am confortable here and I hate packing and it reminds me of being a kids when I was caught between my mother pack-ratting and my father taking it out on me and wanting me to throw everything away.

I have an opposite gripe...I WANT to move but my husband refuses, being OCD type and wanting to stick always with the same familiar pattern that he grows used to...he just fears CHANGE.  ugh

Last one for me, I just plain want to gripe about INJUSTICE IN THIS WORLD...for the people who are abused and tormented in their days and have no way out, for the system that has been failing people, for the people who live on the streets, cold, alone...that is my biggest GRIPE!  Lord, help us all!

[Gaining Strength]

Gripe away.  That's what VOICE means, in part, to me.  It has helped me immensely to be able to come here and gripe and complain and not have "the board" walk out, shut the door, turn its back, change the subject.  Being able to have a Pity Potty Party may be just what the doctor ordered.  It was for me!

Your fears and complaints are legitimate.  Airing them to compassionate, caring people (here) may help you understand that.  And once you accept their legitimacy perhaps you can begin to do something with them.  Your complaint #4 seems like a good place to start.  Nothing more primary than how you feel about yourself or about your marriage.  Do something for yourself so that you can begin to feel better about the YOU you see in the mirror.  Talk back to your mother's cruel, demeaning voice.  See the good parts and say good things to them.

I'm cheering for you. - GS

[gratitude28]

Thank you all very much for responding. I feel bad griping when I should be counting the wonderful things I have in my life.
Here is the non-panic version of my life:

My husband always talks about how we will grow old together and we have both put up with each other's crap for 14 years I think I am scared because for the first time I admitted that I do love him and enjoy having him in my life. I have never done that before with anyone... I love my kids beyond words and they know it. They don't have a choice as to whether or not I am their mom... I just don't like allowing myself to be in any way vulnerable. Actually I just checked my email and he had written a sweet note and told me he wouldn't want anyone else. Still, I plan to work on myself and change the things I don't like because I need to be comfortable with me.

The freind... What bothers me is not her problem per say... I think it is just such a big reminder of how I used to be. And sometimes I get scared of going back there. I know when she lies, when she's drunk in the morning, etc. I don't care in that it's her decision, but I feel so... back there... I believed before, when she first got here, that maybe she was in my life for some cosmic reason... that by my example of having lived through it and changed, she would want to. I thought maybe I was supposed to live through it as an example of some sort. I don't know... is all life randome, or is there reason to things? I also don't know if I believe she will ever be a kind person or unselfish.

And yes, it is wonderful to hjave a voice among caring friends who listen. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Laura, I wish you could move in my place Moving is both exciting and awful at the same time for me. I just feel very up-in-the-air.

All of you have helped me so much and I thank you. I always know that when I have a big problem I can come here and go away feeling 1000 percent better (and usually with a clearer path to follow and a lighter load )

Lots of love, Beth



 

[Stormchild]

((((((((((Beth))))))))))

Only just now saw this - looks like the worst is past for now - will you get to talk with him tonight? hope so hope so...

wishing you a truly happy New Year, with all the goodness and light that can be crammed into it!

[gratitude28]

Well, just for giggles,
Here was how my New Year went...
I let the kids stay up past midnight and then we went to bed. My son woke up at 3 am and projectile vomited all over EVERYTHING. We cleaned up enough to get some sleep. In the morning I washed everything and the dog snuck upstairs and peed on the stripped sheets (I WAS SOOOOOOOO ANGRY). The I went to wash out my travel cup from my car and had forgotten one for too long and it was so nasty. Ugh. Happy New Year to me. I am also so sick that I can't do anything. My head and stomach hurt and I can't sleep or eat. This is a killer bug.
I figure Jan 2 has to be lots better
Love and a smoother start to all of you.
Beth

[CB123]

Oh, Beth!

All that and you are still giggling?  You're my hero!

What a long night I have had.  I went to bed well before midnight (I am so uncool--I can never make it through New Years) but was up and down all night.  I thought morning would never come. 

But at least no one was throwing up over here!     Hope you all will be better soon!

CB

[Stormchild]

Throwing up? This sounds more like throwing up, out, across, all over. Eeeghhh...

Beth, no joke, try Sambucol for the kids, it's elderberry syrup and it does help with the flu... . Helps grownups too...

Umm. If I just wish you a happy rest of the new year, I'm afraid everyone will get the runs now... erk. [Edit in: oh lord, you did say 'potty party'!] So I'll wish you a HEALTHY and RESTFUL rest of the new year as well as a happy one.


((((((((((Beth & all))))))))))