compassion

[moonlight52]

I have had an experience that I do not fully understand .

A friend told me about something sad another friend was going through (this other friend wanted the other friend to tell me)
and when I felt deep compassion not pity (for I know this other friend can work though these difficulties)
the other friend telling me about the difficult situation was angry that I showed compassion and told me to stop showing this compassion.
This is not the normal experience when heartfelt emotions are shown.
(both of these people try to present themselves as perfect it seems they do anyway)
Why do people try to portray themselves as perfect when any rational intelligent person knows we all have difficulties ?????

[Gaining Strength]

fear and vulnerability and possibly past experience of being hurt when vulnerable.

You are such a compassionate person that it is impossible for you to imagine someone taking
advantage of another's vulnerabilities but I have come to see that people really do that.

Just hold compassion for both of your friends - especially the one who would have you
not be compassionate - that friend needs compassion the most.

Thank heavens for your heart Moon. - love - Gaining Strength

[moonlight52]

Hey GS ,

Thank goodness for your heart Yes sadly this is most likely a control thingy.
I am understanding real compassion Hops is a big big help there and storm has helped me with self esteem thanks guys
For a long time I did not understand why people did the things they do .

It seems even when people do hurtful things they do not realize it.
Yes when lets say we are with a group of very young children the ones that bite and kick need the love the most
also the ones that are so frightened other side of the coin.

I understand what you mean this person may perceive compassion as not being perfect and finds that uncomfortable yes???

love to you GS

[mum]

Hi, Moonlight and GS. It may be that your expression of compassion was painful for that other person. Perhaps your open heart was frightening to them, as perhaps they could not open to that feeling, and since emotional energy transfers from person to person (ie: your compassionate reaction to the news), they may be afraid of that getting into their own heart...and chose to shut it down in you, lest they "catch" it. I also doubt any of this was done consiously. 

They may have also had a hidden, ego driven agenda in telling you the news, and were expecting some other reaction more desirable to them. Poor them, to be so attached to outcomes.

I think GS is right....compassion for all...the one whose heart may be closed to expression in particular.

[moonlight52]

Hey mum ,I will have to try your method when my teenage daughter wishes to pull me into some of her "drama"and of course where could she have she learned how to be so adept at her drama story......

Three guesses me tee hee But the explanation of the unexpected reaction to my heart felt compassion was a surprise..........

Well I also am learning about detachment after steadfastly holding on to my story as well......

Detachment does not negate compassion or caring .I am only now beginning to understand why people do what they do and myself as well all with a wide open heart I surly never thought anyone who be repelled by love
or real compassion this is so strange.....

who is the observer my favorite Zen dude was Richard Rose

all love to you and more
so much more love
moonlight

[mum]

Hey, moonlight. Ditto on the drama (where did they ever get that?!?!?!) My husband recalls my days as an actress whenever my daughter is in the throws of a dramatic episode (not to her face...or even mine at the moment it's occurring!!)

I will have to look up Richard Rose. I think I have heard of him, or read an article by him...I will ponder that!

I cannot say that what I do with my daughter is a recipe for anything....as the teenage meltdowns seem unprecedented for the most part. I don't know what to do most of the time, as I am sure other parents of teenagers can relate. And my son's high school years did nothing to prepare me for this....darn how those kids have to be such individuals!!!:)
I know that it just ticks her off when I try to "fix" things....so sometimes just not fixing is the ticket. Then again, there are those days when just listening exacerbates another blow out. Can't count on anything, but as in any relationship...she gets to own  and keep her feelings. (It must suck to be my kid sometimes.)
Have a great weekend!

[moonlight52]

MUM ,

Well it sucks sometimes and other times my 14 year old is just too cool even for herself but under it all when she is sleepy or feels sick she will gladly
receive the love she knows I have to give her .

But otherwise I had better know she is all grown up after just turning 14 and all 95 lbs and the grand
height of 4'10' tiny but mighty ......

I like her a lot then after being a stinker she will turn around and just sort a walk over a give a hug quite unpredictable huh........

have a good week end to you mum

moon

[moonlight52]

Hi all

(old thread I was thinking of mum)
I was just wondering about teenagers...... They are all individuals right .
Teenagers are finding themselves they need to pull away from mom and dad to look inside and see what is  truth for them.

And they can say things that are loud and a wee bit mean .If and only if they have not been controlled all their life and have been given there voice
and respect and real love and caring .

Helping them when they ask and giving them room to voice their feelings even if they can get a little loud is not a bad thing.
 there exists no terror or fear between us .

And MR MOON and I have raised our kids without physical abuse imagine that...
I almost forgot Mr m and I do not expect our children to take care of our emotions......

I respect my children and they know this and they trust me.This is so good It is that unconditional love thing really works well........
My teenager can be loud (also her music) sometimes but other times I see her grow strong and straight and not afraid of the world....

my post is really about compassion and judgments....................My kids have seen Mr m and I disagree and then we resolve our problems.
Should children be raised to think they will never experience disagreements with loved ones???????

p.s. teenagers will always find something to rebel against as it should be......

Any thoughts about what teens need really my question is do all teenagers raise their voices to their parents at times is this normal some times?????
The thought to disagree or raise my voice as a teenager did not occur to me I was  too sc



Rambling

moon

[Hopalong]

Hey Moon,
I think the Moonlets are probably the luckiest kids around.

Long as we're not being cursed at, or belittled, or having someone yell in our face...

People can use voice-volume to intimidate too. Letting a kid yell disrespect for you or curse at you or yell in your face isn't the same as respecting her voice, her selfhood.

I even think noise boundaries are okay...as long as they're not rigid.

It's a balance, teaching respect and courtesy, as opposed to perfectionism and repression. I never was sure how to do it. I was anger-phobic, which sure didn't help my girl.

I didn't do that so well.

love,
Hops

[moonlight52]

Hi Hops ,

The teenage moon does respect mom and dad and rarely raises her voice so when she did the other day I was taken a back.
She did say she was sorry the day after on her own which was good.
yes Hops balance is the key THANKS

I have had to use the ever so useful I am going to take "the what ever privilege away and that does seem to do it"
her teachers say she is respectful also this outburst was rare and she said she and her best girlfriend had a tiff.

All and all a real good kid ...I too am anger phobic but I have learned to be a better parent as I become stronger.
moonlet does not curse or belittle she just sort of was upset at someone else and just got mad...
when she said she was sorry on her own I was glad.She has never yelled in any ones face.But then again she's 4'10"

love to you
m

[Stormchild]

Moon, you are right about the biters and kickers needing love just as much as the ones they bite and kick.

But the biters and kickers also need to be taught, lovingly but consistently, that it is NOT OK to bite and kick.

The ones who are bitten and kicked, who are afraid of the biters and kickers, already know that it is not OK.

It's important not to 'lose' the ones who already know, because we are so caught up in trying to 'reach' the ones who don't.