Author Topic: Using Your Voice, Hearing Your Voice  (Read 3346 times)

seastorm

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Re: Using Your Voice, Hearing Your Voice
« Reply #15 on: January 29, 2007, 11:17:40 PM »
I want to be a bull in a china shop!! I want to join that organization. The one where good people stand up for what they believe in.

Could we change the metaphor.  Maybe it is more like that song "I hope you dance"

Screw it.  I'M DANCING

CB123

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Re: Using Your Voice, Hearing Your Voice
« Reply #16 on: January 30, 2007, 04:16:28 AM »
Screw it.  I'M DANCING

Sea,

I think I'll have that screen printed on a T-shirt!  hee hee  :D

CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

Overcomer

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Re: Using Your Voice, Hearing Your Voice
« Reply #17 on: January 31, 2007, 05:36:19 PM »
I think the Bull in a China Closet tshirt is funnier - and people really wouldn't know what you were talking about..........and I would cry if I put I HOPE YOU DANCE on a tshirt because that is the song they played at my 15 year olds friends funeral back in November.......she was broadsided and didn't make it.......love that song but it will always remind me of her friend!!
Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

axa

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Re: Using Your Voice, Hearing Your Voice
« Reply #18 on: February 01, 2007, 06:20:12 AM »
Guys,

Trying to get a quote in here but cannot do it. AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, read a book some years ago Stalking the Soul.  Author says that where there is abuse there is always confusion.  i KNEW THIS and stayed...... o h well.



I just read the first sentence of your post Hops and suddenly I knew something about myself.
I have entered relationships in a way of begging the universe to let me be accepted, let this one work, let me in, SAVE ME.  Each and every time the window cracked for the possibility for a relationship I have been desparate and in that desparation I have chosen to overlook all signals and warnings.  Desparation for acceptance has led me into many bad decisions.  It has perhaps been the leading force in my life.  But the brakes are on and I have begun to make a U-turn.  Acceptance is the emptiness and craving in my being that I have tried to fill in so many desparate and damaging ways.


Gaining Strength,

I burst into tears when I read this.  This is my truth also.  I wanted so bloody desperatly to be loved and seen and heard that I was willing to put up with every dammed piece of sh~~ that came my way.  I dont know if this ever changes.  I have worked so hard over the years in therapy, training, etc to move from this place and that was where I was again with XN.  I was so grateful for the crumbs.  It was as if being in a relationship was some kind of signal to the world "she is ok".  What I did not get was that the world was saying how could she put up with such a crazy person. 

I need to think about acceptance.  I guess I never have accepted myself and maybe this is where the work is for me.

Axa

axa

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Re: Using Your Voice, Hearing Your Voice
« Reply #19 on: February 01, 2007, 06:32:47 AM »
Hops,

Going back onto hearing the voice.  Shortly after I met XN he went on holiday with his D and I went with my sister and her hubby.  We agreed to meet in Italy and spend time together.  XN turned up as promised and we went off with D.  He travelled a significant way to be with me which of course flattered me.  I went off with him and D

Each evening we would go out for dinner.  My idea of a nice evening is take a stroll, have a drink in a cafe, choose a restaurant, take time over dinner and maybe take a walk later.

When we would go for dinner it was like a race to see who could eat the fastest and off somewhere else for desert.  There was no soaking up the atmosphere or anything like that.  One evening I pointed out to them that I would like a pre dinner drink and would head off on my own, if they did not want to come, and meet with them in the restaurant.  I was happy to sit in one of the cafes on the beach front and sip a glass of wine, observing the world going by.  XN said no he would come as he did not like the idea of me being on my own in a cafe !!!!!  I had a drink while he and D waited anxiously then we went to restaurant, I suggested we take our time over dinner, they were hungry so there was no hangin about.  We went out for a walk on the beach front and D said she wanted to go into a small place which had some gaming machines, fruit machines etc.... lots of familiies in there having fun.  I hate places like this.

We went in, she was playing some sort of driving game and I decided I did not like the place.  I called XN aside and said that I would wait for them in the cafe next door and they could come when they were finished having fun.  I walked out the door.  XN came after me and screamed in my face about how mean I was to his D that I would not stay and watch her play her games.  All I wanted was drink and this poor girl who had been abandoned by her mother only wanted me to watch her for a while.  I was stunned.  I remember walking away, going to cafe sitting down and having a very STIFF drink.  I thought I am getting out of here tomorrow.  This is crazy.  D did not see any of this happening.

After some time he came back with D.  I did not speak to them, went back to hotel and went to bed.  Next morning I said I did not feeel like breakfast as I wanted some time to think about what went on.  (A healthy person would have just packed and left)  He went to breakfast with D, they came back to hotel room and D said "Daddy says that you might leave us, please do not leave us".  He had primed her to plead with me.  Of course I stayed.  Needless to say I was "love bombed for the next while. 

There was my voice which shouted at me four weeks into the relatiohsip and I did not listen.  I recall that after that episode he became very "loving in a sexual way" as if he knew that he needed to groom me further.  That of course did not last either.

Axa

Hopalong

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Re: Using Your Voice, Hearing Your Voice
« Reply #20 on: February 01, 2007, 10:46:07 PM »
GOOD for you, Axa!
Recognizing your inner protective instincts even in hindsight and even when you over-rode them at the time, still means that you can hear them.

Bodes well for your future, hon.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."